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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu re 2yo dd and dog?

30 replies

ILovePonyo · 31/08/2013 21:50

I may be, I'm not sure. Will try and put as much info as possible as don't want to drip feed...

Me and 2.6 yo dd are going to stay with my mum soon, my sis and bil are staying there too temporarily whilst they're doing a house up. Their dog lives there too.

When dd was little I had no worries about the dog, I've always liked him. However dd is now older and noisier, plus likes running about a lot, and I've felt uneasy with her and the dog for a while, so much so that I've not visited as much as I would do if sis and dog weren't living with mum.

A while back when we did visit dd was running about and the dog got a bit 'jumpy' and almost went to nip dd, I picked her up and walked out with her but the dog kind of sniffed her as I was holding her and followed me?

So, to get to the point, I'm was going to stay soon but said I wouldn't bring dd as I don't want to be constantly telling her to sit down/be quiet etc. sis has said if i want dog can to go to bil parents (over the road) for the weekend I'm staying. I've said yes please, but Aibu and overreacting a bit?

Fwiw sis and bil seem ok with this but I sometimes get the feeling they think I am being a bit overprotective, however my gut instinct is telling me its the right thing to do.
It's not that I think the dig will attack dd, it's just as much that I have to constantly tell her to stop running/shrieking/etc when really I'd like her to be able to play at her grandmas house?

Thanks :)

OP posts:
IfYouLoveSomebodyLetThemSleep · 31/08/2013 21:52

If they're happy to go along with it then that's great, I'd go with that plan. I don't think you are BU to listen to your gut instinct.

Original poster
ILovePonyo · 31/08/2013 22:06

Thanks, that's kind of what I was wanting to hear Grin

Definitely going with the plan of dog going to other grandparents :)

OP posts:
InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 31/08/2013 22:09

You really can't take any chances with dogs and toddlers- dogs are too unpredictable. YANBU and your sis is being understanding and generous. Smile

Famzilla · 31/08/2013 22:10

Does it matter if you're being a bit overprotective?

They're happy to send the dog elsewhere so I don't get what the problem is.

FWIW my dog isn't too fond of shrieky jumpy children, she doesn't go for them or anything but I can tell she gets annoyed. I send her out when toddlers visit for her own preservation as much as theirs!

Original poster
ILovePonyo · 31/08/2013 22:24

Agree InSpace and I do appreciate that my sister is being very understanding!

Famzilla there isn't a problem, that's the point, I am happy with the outcome. Just didn't know if I'd been a bit overprotective and seen as being a bit pfb.

OP posts:
mrsjay · 31/08/2013 22:28

they seem ok with the dog not being with your dd they seem to realise their dog is a bit playful and want you and your dd to enjoy your stay I wouldn't worry about it you are not being over sensitive dogs and toddlers can be unpredictable together ,

Original poster
ILovePonyo · 31/08/2013 22:31

Thanks mrsjay.

I am not a dog owner (obviously!) which is why I think this has bothered me a bit. I wasn't sure if I was being a bit unreasonable making them send their dog away.

OP posts:
Earthworms · 31/08/2013 22:32

I have had a similar problem

Dog belonging to a family member. It is a small and very well behaved dog, but I cannot relax when it is with toddler dd. it is a rescue and was badly treated by its first owner, so I am very scared that she will inadvertently do something triggering. Like running at it, shouting or accidentally dropping something on it. Before anyone can stop her

The owner was dismissive of my fears at first, and Said something like ' but you make me feel like i can't trust my dog'

I said I had no worries about the dog ( small lie) but that I knew my child's and definitely could not trust her. Being very protective of his dog, he accepted this, and I didn't feel like an overprotective loon.

RoastedCouchPotatoes · 31/08/2013 22:37

I have a 2 and 3yo, we have a dog and two puppies (the last two are only a few weeks and are rescued) and we take absolutely no chances. There is a 'doggy' room thing for them and we supervise them at all times. If the dog was jumpy, I wouldn't personal,y risk it, the current solution seems good. As it is, although our adult dog had always been great, that doesn't mean she can't snap, and if you weren't comfortable then it's not being over protective, just using your instincts!

Whoknowswhocares · 31/08/2013 22:37

I am a dog owner and would definitely prefer to remove my dog from a potentially stressful situation ( it sounds like the dog might be a bit usure of your DD now she is mobile) for a couple of days at a relatives house rather than wait for a potential issue to develop
Good call

Alisvolatpropiis · 31/08/2013 22:39

If everyone is happy with that plan then that's good. You're not being unreasonable to notice potential issues and they seem to have been reasonable in their response.

MikeLitoris · 31/08/2013 22:44

I think the dog will be very grateful to you Grin

I have a 2.9yo and a dog and completely see where you are coming from.

We can't leave the dog anywhere near dd as she terrorises her. Pulls her tail, tries to sit on her, tries to run her on over with the pram etc. The dog has never so much as looked at dd the wrong way so far but I would never take the chance. I seem to spend most of my time telling dd to leave the dog alone.

rootatoot · 31/08/2013 22:45

Sounds like a good plan. We have dog and 2 year old. Dog can get snappy if things are too chaotic and he gets nervous, though he has been v good with ds. I am super careful though, esp with friends and family who aren't doggy people.

There was a great article in mn I think, a while ago called ' curse of the good dog'. Must try and find link. It said it is commonly said of a dog that bites a child, 'but he was so good with kids'. The article said this meant the owners had let child interact with dog to an extent where dog didn't feel owner was protecting it. Dogs last resort was to bite, cos nobody was looking out for him when he tried to tell owner he didn't like noise/ tail pulled etc.

Think ideally it's about reassuring dog and keeping child safe through that, which means giving dog quiet space away from child perhaps. If it's bot your dog or your home, I think you're being v responsibile in keeping things safe for your child. Really great your family are understanding. Maybe your sis is happy to keep dog away for dog's sake too, if he's not used to kids? Sounds best all round.

Sorry for essay!

Original poster
ILovePonyo · 31/08/2013 22:46

Hmm earthworms, sounds familiar. Dog is also rescue dog, and whilst I wouldn't say he has been jumpy he has taken a long time to say, walk well on the lead when he sees other dogs, for a long time he would start barking and because he's a big dog he would be quite hard to restrain from going for other dogs when out for a walk. Maybe because of this I'm aware of the potential harm he could do to dd?

My sis also made me feel a bit dismissive at first, "oh he's fine with kids" whereas in reality he had hardly been around children and clearly wasn't keen on dd! When he went to nip her she took it a bit more 'seriously'.

My dd is also one of those kids who wants to stroke the dog/hug it etc and whilst we tell her she can't do this when out and about, she wants todo it more to dogs she knows, ie sisters dog Confused

Thanks to the dog owners saying they'd be ok removing the dog. I didn't know if I was being ott.

OP posts:
Original poster
ILovePonyo · 31/08/2013 22:49

Oh big x post, thanks all!

Mike do you know what, I think the poor dog would be grateful!

Rootatoot yes please to link, sounds interesting and makes sense too.

OP posts:
mrsjay · 31/08/2013 22:52

I think the dog and toddler not being together is best for toddler and dog and nobody is stressing about anything, fwiw I dont have toddlers in my life but I wouldnt really trust jaydog around a little person so i would remove hime too

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 31/08/2013 22:52

Another dog owner agreeing that the dog moving out for the time you're there is a good idea. I also have a 4yo dgs who is here 2-3 days a week, and has been most of the time since birth. He's fine (if a bit bossy) with my elderly border collie now, but when he was younger I'd separate dog and toddler if/when he got overenthusiastic (tried to ride her once!) just so she never felt so put-upon that she'd react. I'd say she's great with dc, but only because we facilitate her! Grin

rootatoot · 31/08/2013 22:56

Hope this works...

www.dogsandbabieslearning.com/2010/02/21/good-dogs-dont-bite/

Doing this on phone so fingers crossed.

Original poster
ILovePonyo · 31/08/2013 22:56

That's partly it, the dog doesn't see dd enough to 'facilitate' her (and why should he have to?!) and I think I feel bad that the poor dog has been sort of sent away for the weekend, even though he's done nothing wrong?!

Ooh it's like therapy isn't it WinkBlush

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 31/08/2013 23:05

Dog will have peace, quiet, attention and treats while away. He'll be on his holidays, not sent into exile. :)

Original poster
ILovePonyo · 31/08/2013 23:09

Well, very true, OldLady Grin

Thanks for the link there, I remember a story on mn I think, about an old lab or golden retriever who bit a small child and was put down, when the vet checked the dog they found a crayon pushed down its ear canal. That's a vague summary but sad nonetheless.

OP posts:
Original poster
ILovePonyo · 31/08/2013 23:10

Sorry, thanks for the link rootatoot Grin

OP posts:
Funghoul · 31/08/2013 23:41

Fwiw I don't think you can ever trust any dog 100%. My brother has a lovely dog but when dd starts to become more mobile I will be watching her just as much as the dog. His dog was a rescue and we don't know his triggers.

We recently had a bad experience when the dog was blamed for a family members children's behaviour towards him (many witnesses, and none of us witnessed what the dog 'supposedly' did towards her children). Children did what they were repeatedly asked not to do. This has left a bad taste in our mouths so to speak, but I think what you are doing is for the best as it saves the dog any unnecessary stress, and you having to constantly be on the lookout.

Alisvolatpropiis · 31/08/2013 23:42

Fung you're totally right. Doesn't matter how well trained and lovely the dog is supervision is a must.

megsmouse · 01/09/2013 01:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.