Am I putting his family before mine (I think he might have a point) (oh by the way it's long)

[WhenSheWasBadSheWasHopeful]

Slight back story to this but I will try and be brief. When I had dd 2 1/2 years ago we went to visit dh's nan two weeks after I gave birth. She lives 1 hour drive away and it was her 80th birthday so it was a party.

Before the birth I said I should be fine to go as long as I didn't give birth that weekend (dd was two weeks early and yes I was stupid and naive).

On the actual day of the birthday dd was ebf, I was beyond knackered and still bleeding heavily. A few small clumps of placenta fell out of me that morning but my midwife advised me not to come to hospital unless it got worse.

I knew the party meant a lot to dh's family so we went and I can honestly say that I hated every moment of it. There were 14 family members crammed into his Nan's tiny front room, because she is a hoarder the rest of the house is off limits (and disgusting) so I couldn't bf in privacy in all honesty I never give a shit about bf in privacy but on this day I just wanted some space

We were there two hours during which dd got passed around like a parcel while I put my best fake smile on.

Anyway I'm 7 months pregnant again now and said to dh today I wouldn't be heading up to see his nan as early this time round as last time. He is decidedly unimpressed.

He asked me if that meant I wouldn't being seeing my grandmother till 6 weeks after the birth. And this is where I'm a bit stumped, I probably will visit my grandma 2/3 weeks after the birth. She is virtually housebound but she only lives 10 minutes away and I can visit her on my own whereas everytime we go and see his nan 3/4 of his family decide to turn up at once and it's just too much for me straight after giving birth.

So he thinks I'm putting my family ahead of his. The honest truth is I am way more comfortable with my extended family than his. thankfully I get on amazingly with his mum, dad and sister, they are always welcome so there is no issue there

Feeling guilty as these are two elderly housebound ladies, they don't have much in their lives and a visit from a newborn ggc would make their day. I just hated it so much last time, I cried most of the way home.

Tell him you will drive 10 minutes to see his nan, but not 1 hour.

How about you suggest he goes and gets her, brings her to your place and she can see you and your dc there? Much more relaxing for you, and just as much of a treat for her.

You poor thing, it sounds like you're between a rock and a hard place.

Invite the nan to your house?

Placenta fell out of you two weeks after the birth?!

You're not BU and wouldn't be no matter how the birth had gone - your nan is nearer.

Nothing to stop him going and taking your older DC with him for a visit, is there?

Just re read the title - I mean my family before his

(I must learn to proof read).

Hmm, one place is clean, close and it is your grandma. Easy decision.

Thanks for the advice - I should have said his nan is agoraphobic, hasn't left her house in 10 years.

Can't you go and see his Grandma when she is at home alone so it's just you, your DH and dc, and her?

He hasn't got a point, he sounds a selfish idiot. You gm lives 10 minutes away, his lives an hour away. Massive difference. Don't be bullied, please don't go.

I think you are putting yourself first, not his family or your family. This is how it should be. Your DH is being a bit of a twat.

If his nan is agoraphobic, it should be fairly safe to visit 'on spec' as it were.

That way, at least, none of the extended family will be there as they won't know.

I honestly don't think 6 weeks is too long to wait to visit anyone post birth - not anyone who lives more than a 15 minute drive away anyway.

broken I just know his family extended family would appear, they always do (it's usually not a problem).

I don't think I will go to his Nan's, I can sort of see why he is pissed off that my grandma will get to see the baby weeks ahead of his nan. But like you all say she is only 10 minutes away, I can see her on my own and her house is clean.

I think I probably am being a bit selfish but if you can't put yourself and your newborn first straight after the birth when can you.

lazy you are a fucking genius, she never leaves her house. We could swoop in on her - would have to so show keep her off the phone or she will summon everyone round but that really could work.

I'm a bit embarrassed that I've been with him a decade and this option has never occurred to me before ha ha a plan is forming but I'm still not going till I'm ready to.

What if you have a Csection birth? Does he really think you'll be ok to sit in the car for an hour? Just wait and see how you feel after the birth.

He's not a complete arse, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't expect me to travel for an hour after a c-section. But then again he did think it was completely fine for me to go last time when I still had bits of placenta falling out of me.
I remember it well "don't worry whenshewas, it will be fine and if you do need to get it checked out the hospital is on the way to my Nan's"

Actually he was an arse wasn't he.