to not want a visit from dh 's relatives at 33 weeks pregnant.

[Frecklesandspecs]

First things first....I love dh's famy but they are hard work when they come to stay. They are not English and though they are very nice I do find their visits a bit stressful. They always seem to turn up in the UK when I am heavily pregnant. This time 4 of them want to come and stay next weekend in our 3 bed smallish house for a few nights! We have a nearly four year old and a two year old and I am pretty knackered most days. I have also had some complications this pregncy to make things worse.
Their stays are made hard for me as they like food but not English food to the extent that the one Aunty preferred to eat some African food at my table she had taken off the plane to the dinner I had slaved at all morning and me having to make tons of food not even knowing if they Will eat it! They pretty much expect to be waited on hand and foot by the wife (me) and apparently have tons of luggage.

I feel like I don't need this right now.
I am supposed to be taking it easy with placenta previa but this is stressing me out already and they aren't even here yet!

[cory]

If you have pp and a high risk of bleeding, your dh should be waiting on you, never mind any relatives.

[maddening]

I would decamp to my parent's house with the dc and meet up at restaurants with the dc and dh and his family.

[Strokethefurrywall]

Er absolutely not.

[Frecklesandspecs]

Spoke to him last night and be says he can't turn them away since they have come a long way. Thinks 3 of them Will sleep in spare room with two on floor and onein girls room on floor! The thing that annoys me is I wasn't asked but just told and expected to do it!

[Frecklesandspecs]

I wish I could but my mum lives 3 hours away from us! I like the travel lodge idea but then I would be seen as the terrible wife. Grrr...living in a multicultural family isn't easy at times!

[Catsize]

I was going to say what inertia said. All sounds a bit bonkers. Can only hope this has been planned for a long time, before you found out about these problems.

[MissMarplesBloomers]

Why is he getting a say over your health & that of gis unborn baby?

When was this trip planned, did he not discuss it with you?

Regardless of your mum being 3 hrs away I would be packng my bags& going with the little ones.

Sod being seen as a bad wife.

[ZenGardener]

I don't know what culture they are from my husband is also from a different culture.

I would say that you spoke to your doctor by phone and he said strictly no visitors.

In my husband's culture the word of a doctor is taken as law perhaps your husban's relatives feel the same?

[nextphase]

Freckles
It sounds like they ARE coming, so you need to work out how to make it as easy for you as possible.

How would they react if an online shop delivered a load of pizzas and other really easy food, and you just left them to it, you lounging on the sofa / in bed.
Could you also find some day trips out to pack everyone off to, leaving you at home on your own?

DH needs to be told up front you are NOT pandering to them, and how things are going to work. It probably won't go down very well, but you need to stay strong and think of you and DC3.

[EeyoreIsh]

Having read your post I think you still have to put your foot down. If your DH has already said yes then it's up to him to sort out alternative accommodation. It's clear you can't host like you might normally and so alternative arrangements will have to be found.

[Lweji]

Ok, I've seen that you can't turn them away.

So, claim placenta previa and bleeding and stay in bed the whole time on doctor's orders.

Let your OH wait on them or tell them you expect them to cook.
Or find a b&b.

Your OH should support you, or you are allowed to kick off big time.


I did say no to a friend staying 3 weeks before the due date because I just wouldn't relax, and what the baby was born early?

[Frecklesandspecs]

He told me yesterday so no it has not been long planned.
Nigerian zen. Many of family are dr's but 'women's stuff' not really talked about among male populus?! Iyswim.
nextphase :-( big no no! It won't be just dinner either but breakfast, lunch and tea! If it were my family I would though! ;-)

[Lweji]

Reading back, recalling to a b&b or to your mother's is probably your best bet.
Without the children.
You are allowed.

Never mind the bad wife. You are the sick wife.

If you can't bring yourself to do it, thank them for coming to help you, sit in bed and demand your meals.

[Inertia]

You really do have to be absolutely clear with your husband about this. Cultural tradition should not mean putting the health of a heavily pregnant woman at risk.

If you really can't go to your mum's I would be tempted to greet the visitors by telling them how grateful you are that they have arrived to help your husband out while you are ill with this pregnancy- related condition, then take to your bed.

[Timeforabiscuit]

Freckles from your posts you sound like a strong person, yes there is the expectation from extended family that you should be a hostess - but although that obligation is placed on you it doesn't have to be accepted by you.

Can you call the Aunty before the visit and say that due to a difficult pregnancy the teenagers will need to help around the house, that Aunty would need to take care of cooking as you need to have bed rest in the later stages of your pregnancy.

I think you're up to be being "the bad wife" as the stakes are very high on this.

[Frecklesandspecs]

I like the replies! I did say I could move out for the weekend! Maybe I should get a dr's note, frame it and put it on the mantlepiece, go to a travel lodge on my own and them all to it!

[cantreachmytoes]

Ok, so simple solution: YOU go to the hotel! Go alone, no kids, feet up, order room service and relax. Let him deal with it all.

Or go to a friends, or your parents. Don't take the kids though. You're supposed to be relaxing and it's not because you need a spa day, it's to avoid potentially SERIOUS health problems for you and your unborn baby. I had to spell out the worst case scenario as essentially what would happen if I didn't follow drs orders to my husband for him to get exactly why I was resting.

[Frecklesandspecs]

*leave them all to it

[Frecklesandspecs]

Canreach yes, to the man who stays in bed for a week when he has a cold :-D

[Taffeta]

Phone your mum. Explain situation to her. Allow her, hopefully, to come and collect you and kids to stay at hers for the weekend.

This isn't rude, it's a family visit. It was planned a while ago but you forgot.

[MakeGlutenFreeHay]

Absolutely everything they all said. Lay it on the line to dh about what could happen (I feel for you, it must be terrifying). He should absolutely be looking after and protecting you right now, your sofa should be your friend. Be strong!

[twinklytoes]

I think you need to share all the pp stories with your dh. does he realise what pp is?

my story is very similar to yours. 3rd pregnancy, bleed at 21wks followed by 1 week in hospital. it was only a partial then so sent home with scan booked for 34wks. no more bleeds until a rather big one at 31wks. hospital admission, had a scan once bleeding subsided and it was then a pp4. I then stayed in hospital with a section booked for 35wks.

the emotional and practical aspects of that admission fell to my dh. the children still talk about it and my middle dd is still (5yrs later) worried every time I have to go to hospital that I will have to stay in.

ds arrived at 33wks after another bleed and an emergency section . he had a three week stay in scbu and I was sent home after 4 days.

[Frecklesandspecs]

Timefor, I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Taff mum said she would come and help if need be but I would then need to find her somewhere to stay too.
I think you are all right though (obviously!)
Its going to be a nightmare unless plans are changed:-(

[Inertia]

Do you know what?

I would phone the relatives yourself. Explain that you are under doctor's orders to take bed rest due to a high-risk pregnancy. It's really not possible for them to stay with you at this time and you have to put your unborn child first.

You need to do this yourself because your husband clearly won't. And you might find that they are understanding and offer to stay elsewhere. You just need to cut out the middle man. If they won't stay elsewhere, explain that you won't be able to cater for them , it'll be your husband in charge and it'll be the bare basics- and if they are rude enough to insist on coming to stay when told that it doesn't work for the sake of your health, then you should have no worries about appearing rude by decamping elsewhere.

Then I'd start getting bloody angry with DH for over-ruling his wife - multicultural marriage or not, there are two people in it with an equal say.

[MakeGlutenFreeHay]

I like inertia's suggestion, especially the last line.....

I presume it's crossed your mind (and I mean this very gently): what if the activity of having this family causes the worst to happen? You, your dh and his family will never forgive yourselves - you especially. Plans have to be changed, they just have to. And the new plan has to involve you doing NOTHING. At all. I wish I could come and whisk you away to stay with us for a few days so you could ignore them all (are you East Midlands?!). We'd look after you.