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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think a nearly 7 year old should be at least learning to wipe his own bottom?

32 replies

SlobAtHome · 31/08/2013 09:42

instead of mum (or me when babysitting)?

I just thought most kids could at this age. I have a younger DS but he is starting to do it himself with little help.

He has no physical or medical reason he can't do it, mum just hasn't started teaching him.

Is this odd or AIBU?

OP posts:

Sunnysummer · 31/08/2013 09:43

Odd. What does he do at school?

sooperdooper · 31/08/2013 09:44

Odd, and again what on earth happens at school?

mrsjay · 31/08/2013 09:46

he is being pandered too by his mother he should be able to wipe his own bum fgs yanbu and it is odd,

noisytoys · 31/08/2013 09:48

My 2 year old can wipe herself, my 5 year old certainly can

Original poster

SlobAtHome · 31/08/2013 09:49

I have no idea what he does at school. I assume hold. He seems like a morning and after dinner poo type but that's just from the little i have seen.

I have to say I told him that he was big enough now and I walked him through it but still had to help a bit as he was clueless! I don't know if that's bad of me as, as far as he is concerned mum does it and I am saying she's wrong.

OP posts:

MammaTJ · 31/08/2013 09:51

I knew a kid of 9 who could not wipe his.

My own DS only learnt recently and he is nearly 7 but his big sis, a year older, tended to take over and do it for him, in spite of me telling her not to.

DarylDixonsDarlin · 31/08/2013 09:55

Are you absolutely sure he was clueless, not just pretending? My 7yo DS is MORE than capable of wiping himself perfectly, but if he thinks he can get me or someone else to do it for him, he will try his luck!

Strangely I have known quite a few little boys like this. I wonder if it is just that they have no confidence to do it themselves, maybe?

Original poster

SlobAtHome · 31/08/2013 09:55

This is an only child MammaTJ so no 'helpful' :o sibling slowing progress!

OP posts:

everlong · 31/08/2013 09:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MoominsYonisAreScary · 31/08/2013 09:57

I can't remember when ds1 started wiping his own bum, I do know it had been a few years since id done it for him when I found out my mum was still wiping it for him at 8!

She said he wasn't doing it properly and would be sore, tough! He was just lazy imo. He's 18 now and still lazy, he'd probably still have get wipe his arse for him if he thought he could get away with it!

buttermellow · 31/08/2013 09:57

I'm 22 and I still struggle but I'm dyspraxic. It must be a nightmare for him at school if he can't do it surely? I can't see them helping.. If he's struggling to teach him (as I presume, bum wiping can't be a pleasant job that she'd actually choose to do!), maybe suggest wet wipes and a wee hand mirror to Mum? That's always helped me. Could do a practice run with a bit of Vaseline/savlon with food colouring in it.. or practice on a doll? Might help him to do it independently and give him a bit of dignity!

everlong · 31/08/2013 09:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChinaCupsandSaucers · 31/08/2013 09:58

My DSS (10) still has his bum wiped by his mum - dad has taught him and he does it himself at our house, but needs constant reminding and gets very distressed at times when he is expected to do it himself.
He 'doesn't go' at school and when he went on a recent residential he held it as much as he could - leading to compaction and a visit to the Dr after he got back.

It's hard (excuse the pun) because if DP makes to much of an issue of it he knows DSS will stop going when he's with us (6 days at a time) but DSS mum sees nothing wrong with it (she still dresses him, brushes his teeth/hair, cuts his food up etc) because to her, he's still a little boy.

Original poster

SlobAtHome · 31/08/2013 09:59

Daryl Genuinely clueless, he was willing to try himself but genuinely had no idea what he was doing and after the second poo (in which I didn't help him, only walked him through it) he seemed a little proud of himself.

I had seemed mum wiping him on a few occasions but just assumed that he had had a messy one and needed a little extra help. No, I think she always does it for him.

OP posts:

Original poster

SlobAtHome · 31/08/2013 10:01

*seen not seemed sorry

OP posts:

noblegiraffe · 31/08/2013 10:02

My DS wipes his own bum at pre-school and the childminder and occasionally at home, but usually at home will try to get me to do it and meltdown if I refuse. He says he can do it, but doesn't want to do it all the time. Same with putting his shoes on I think sometimes he wants to be babied a bit (new little sister).

BrandiBroke · 31/08/2013 10:54

My nephew is 6 and his mum always wipes his bum. I don't think it's ever occurred to her not to. He goes to the bathroom, shouts for her when he's finished, and she goes in and does it for him.

His grandma also does it if she's nearer the bathroom when he shouts.

I honestly can't understand why you wouldn't start teaching them as soon as they start pooing in toilets rather than nappies. Unless I had a child with a medical issue I would not want to be dealing with pooey bottoms any longer than necessary!

Blondeshavemorefun · 31/08/2013 13:03

as a nanny i always teach children to wipe their own bottoms when potty training, obv for a few months they need help/odd wipe afterwards but by 4 or so def capable of wiping by own

its for their own good for when they starts school

saying that one of my dc that i looked after was quite capable of wiping his bottom (taught via me) yet when mb was about would sit on the loo and yell 'wipe my buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum' till she did more fool her

Awomansworth · 31/08/2013 13:35

My nephew (6.10) recently had sleepover at ours and I was when he called me to wipe his bum. I told his mum that I thought he ought to be doing this himself at his age.

One of my 5.5 twin sons is more than capable of wiping his own bum. His brother has Autism so not comparable and I still wipe his, but we are working towards this.

He does try it on sometimes stating that I still wipe his brothers, but I'm having none of it.

Ahlaam · 31/08/2013 13:47

Very Odd. How does he cope at school?

Idespair · 31/08/2013 14:05

My 7yo ds wipes his bum at school obviously but he would much prefer to shout for me to wipe it at home. He would not shout for a babysitter or friends mum to do it, but he would ask me, my dh or his granny. I don't think it's worth getting worked up about - I am sure he will choose to always do it himself all the time soon.

Turniptwirl · 31/08/2013 14:55

I think it just makes sense to teach them when potty training. Obv there will be some messes and they will need some help and guidence ongoing but it's just part of the toilet process!

Original poster

SlobAtHome · 31/08/2013 15:11

I don't know ides... I'm noticing a trend in his behaviour. I think mummy may pander to ever want and desire...

OP posts:

BoundandRebound · 31/08/2013 15:33

I'm quite stunned at the thought of a parent not teaching their child to wipe if they are capable of doing so. Poor kids should certainly be capable of adequate wiping before they go to school

Thumbwitch · 31/08/2013 15:37

My 5.9yo can mostly wipe his own bum, but will yell for help if he has a runny poo, as he worries he can't get it all off himself. Usually he has managed, to be fair, but sometimes not - but I'd go mad if I had to wipe his bum every single time still!

He was late to be fully toilet-trained - he was pooing on the loo from around 2.6, but didn't come out of nappies until he was 3.10 because he had no concept of when he needed to wee - I don't know whether that has any impact on lateness of learning toilet hygiene? Although I taught him how to wipe at the same time as he became fully toilet trained (not before because his arms were, realistically, a bit too short)

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