drunken lessons I have learned...

[CatThiefKeith]

Do not blow out a candle with a nouth full of cheese and crackers.

Generally, going backto your neih.ours for an extra glass iof wein is not necessaey.

If yocpost on mn drhunk, hide tgread immediately afterwards.

Smlhe and tje whole world smipes with you! :)

[Fuzzysnout]

Don't attempt to take your university tutor home for 'coffee' only to realise that you are too drunk to remember where you live.

[Ledkr]

Don't drink 9 bottles of wine with two other mumsnetters and expect to feel ok the next day!!!

[DollyTwat]

Don't invite two other mumsnet yers for a quiet Sunday lunch and expect 9 bottles of wine to be plenty

[Sophita]

Don't let yourself be persuaded by mutual friends that it will be ok for you to go to your ex-boyfriend's houseparty. You will see him kissing a girl in the kitchen, and your drunken revenge masterplan will be to go to his bedroom, sticky-tape all his boxer shorts to the ceiling, make a desktop display of his athlete's foot cream & hair-straighteners, and write 'cunt' on his pillow with your lipstick

[OHforDUCKScake]

9!!!!!

[DollyTwat]

Sophita I think that's brilliant

[Ledkr]

Don't be impressed. We were very unwise

[sazzle82]

Wine is not your friend. Not everyone wants to listen to everything you have to say and you are not the funniest funny person to have ever lived.

Oh, and when your dp's (now DH's) best friend is staying over and has brought his new girlfriend for you to meet make sure you

A) wear a nightie or pyjamas
B) lock the bathroom door
C) do not pass out legs akimbo on said bathroom floor for DH best mate to walk in

To be fair to DH best mate he immediately covered his eyes (in horror) and began shouting over and over for DH. I got up and sauntered out of the bathroom saying 'I'm awfully sorry' and got back in to bed. This incident is known by all our friends and brought up at any get together. It took me months to find it amusing though

[Sophita]

DollyTwat - I tend to swing between finding it funny in a 'what went through your mind' way & just feeling awkward... doesn't help that said Ex-boyfriend is now married to former flatmate & delights in telling that story whenever we're around each other.

sazzle82 - I think maybe we all need to write out the first para of your post and pin it to our mirrors! Truer words never spoken!

[3lovelykids]

Do not attempt to prove you can still do a cartwheel at your Bil's 50th after drinking huge amounts of Bacardi. You will definitely land flat on your back on the dance floor. Not good

[CatThiefKeith]

Work is, fortunately, very quiet today! Imagine my suprise though, whilst browsing Mumsnet this afternoon, to come across a thread that I had completely forgotten starting!

It is coming back to me slowly now. Oh dear!

[Pawprint]

Don't, when at a wedding, get off with someone you think is in his 20s when, in fact, he is seventeen (and you are 25).

[Pawprint]

Do not get pissed and confide in your grannie that, as a child, you used to think you could keep spermatozoa as pets.