I'll try to keep this brief!
Been with DH 12 years, for the first 10 years of our relationship, FIL wasn't at all interested in spending time with either of us, we very rarely saw him & only if we made the effort to visit him. However he would always go out of his way to spend time with my BIL & his family, which often made me upset on behalf of my DH, though I never felt close enough to FIL to say anything. There is no back story, DH has never given FIL any reason for him not to want to spend time with him or us, FIL was just more interested in BIL & the grand kids & we were basically ignored...fair enough....
After being there (when the BIL & family weren't) for FIL in a time of need 2 years ago, he has realised we're worth spending time with & has started to make much more effort to spend time with us, which pleased both myself & DH. We'd see him around 1-2 times per week, prearranged at either of our houses or going out somewhere for dinner. A nice balance, enough contact without living in each other's pockets.
I'm now pregnant with our first child after many, many years of trying & for the last 6-8 weeks or so, we have seen FIL almost every day! I am very grateful to him as he does do a lot to help us, he keeps the garden tidy (DH & I both work very long hours) and does little jobs around the house for us but I'm finding the constant, unannounced visits a little too much. He'll turn up at 9am on a Sunday morning while we 're still in bed or about 10 mins after he knows we'll have just walked in from work.
I've come to love him to bits, much more than I thought I ever would due to his distance during the first 10 years of knowing him but I worry now that when I'm on mat leave, he is going to be here every day. He never stays really long, sometimes 10 mins, sometimes an hour but it's getting to be every single day. Sometimes I just don't feel like having company & I don't know how to approach this situation without upsetting him. After having 10 years where I wished he'd take an interest, I feel terribly guilty that I now wish he wouldn't take so much of an interest! I feel sorry for him, he has been widowed a long time, he's lonely & I know having my DH & I in his life has come to be really important to him but AIBU to feel a little bit suffocated? Instead of looking forward to mat leave, I now find myself dreading the thought of having a baby to look after & a pensioner to entertain every day. I would never dream of telling him to stay away, the baby is his grandchild & I wouldn't ever want him to feel unwelcome at our house, perhaps just not to welcome to turn up at any time of any day!
So much for being brief... Sorry! 