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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to eat at a restaurant?

106 replies

CeliaFate · 29/08/2013 11:16

We've hired a cottage with 3 other families for a long weekend. We get on well but I find their dc a little over-whelming and stressful.

They play fight, charge round, don't respect boundaries (eg will go into my bedroom when they're at my house after I've asked them not to) and my dc generally end up getting hurt. Not all the time, but in a confined setting it's too much for me.

The other 2 families have said to save money on the first night we should all make something and have a meal together in the cottage.

I don't want to cook when I'm only away for 3 nights and I don't want our first night there to be stressful with me cooking and the kids running around.

I've said Oh we'd like to go to a restaurant as we're only there for 3 nights. This hasn't gone down well and now I feel like I'm being a mardy arse and should suck it up and do as they suggested.

So AIBU?

OP posts:
OHforDUCKScake · 29/08/2013 12:54

Them cooking, getting a take away or using Cook, isn't enough for me.
When Im on holiday we eat out each night.

We can't afford decent holidays, there's very few places we can eat at because of restrictions and we don't holiday for long because of the same restrictions so my rule is, we are treated with eating out every night. Not that the rest of the family complained.

I don't think I could compramise on that with other families.

Apart from 'ok you stay here.'

Sirzy · 29/08/2013 12:57

I don't think I could compramise on that with other families.

But that is why you don't go on holiday with others unless you are willing to compromise otherwise it is just going to be a nightmare holiday

Original poster
CeliaFate · 29/08/2013 12:59

If you were one of the other 3 families and I said "We're going to eat out on the first night" what would you think?

Would you be pissed off, not care or think we were snobbish?

OP posts:
HazelnutinCaramel · 29/08/2013 13:04

I've done loads of holidays like this.

Each family takes responsibility for one meal. So Family A cook for everyone on first night. Family B do same on the second night etc. You've got more families than nights so the fourth family could do a lunch, picnic or breakfast.

Everyone brings the ingredients for the meal they're doing. Everyone gets to eat and you only have to cook once.

Birdsgottafly · 29/08/2013 13:09

Why is it up to you to cook?

Tbh, it sounds s though you are playing the Martyr role already.

You all pitch in to cook something simple, as said that will be easier and less stressful than going out.

You are not in your own home, you are not hosting, so everything is to be shared, cooking, cleaning etc.

If you put yourself in the role of chief cook and bottle washer, that is your look out.

TempusFuckit · 29/08/2013 13:12

Honestly? I'd be a bit affronted that you were starting the weekend by huffing off to a restaurant. Runs the risk of setting a tone for the rest of the weeked. And lays bare your real attitude to the holiday, which you don't seem to actually want to go on.

Sirzy · 29/08/2013 13:12

I would be a bit annoyed if it was agreed that everyone would eat together and then one family took it upon themselves to seperate themselves. I wouldn't say anything though.

longjane · 29/08/2013 13:16

Celia
When you are going self catering ?
What do you normally do ?

And we bring or buy when get there a supermarket take away.

And if you had said that you were going to eat out on the 1st night . I would think oh you don't want be part of group
And made my own plans for weekend

ViviPru · 29/08/2013 13:17

If you were one of the other 3 families and I said "We're going to eat out on the first night" what would you think?

I'd think "Fair dues, it's her holiday, she can spend it however she chooses. Iit's a bit of a shame though I was hoping to have a good catch up with Celia over a glass or two that first evening...." And that's what I'd probably say to the other couples if quizzed.

BUT I'd also probably be secretly thinking (and snarking to DH) "I hope this isn't the shape of things to come, Celia wanting to go off and do their own thing all the time... We don't all have to be in each other's pockets the entire holiday, but the first night is always a good time to all get in step with each other and lay the foundations for the time ahead. If she was so keen to do her own thing why come on a group holiday?"

LouiseAderyn · 29/08/2013 13:17

Group holidays are a nightmare - the more people you have, the less likely it is that you will all want to do the same thing!

I think on the first night it would be a bit strange if you left everyone at the cottage and went out - if I was one of your friends I would be wondering why you agreed to a group holiday in the first place, if you didn't want to spend time all together.

I think they should be prepared to compromise too, so on the second or third night, they should be willing to do what you want. If they are not, then it would be okay imo for you to go out anyway and leave them to it. You do have a right to a holiday which includes some of the things you value and what your friends value (money saving, for ex) is not more important than what you value.

ViviPru · 29/08/2013 13:19

I have to say though OP, good form for coming on and genuinely soliciting people's opinions and considering everyone's replies. Lots of folk would just swan off to the restaurant regardless at the risk of alienating their friends without a second thought

Original poster
CeliaFate · 29/08/2013 13:19

Birdsgottafly it's not up to me - the other 3 families suggested everyone cooks a contribution.
TempusFuckit I think you've hit the nail on the head - I don't really want to go on it. But I wouldn't be huffing off, I've said we want to make the most of the 3 nights away as it's such a short time.
Sirzy nothing's been agreed. It was suggested that we all make a contribution. I disagree and want to eat out and not have to cook.

Looks like I'll have to go with the flow to avoid pissing people off, but lesson learned. Don't go away with other people again!

OP posts:
ViviPru · 29/08/2013 13:23

the other 3 families suggested everyone cooks a contribution

Have you got to the bottom of this? Do they mean standing and actually cooking a meal from scratch? Like actually chopping onions on the first night of a holiday? (No fucking chance)

Are you sure they don't just mean "I'll bring the chilli - you bring the veggie chilli, such-and-such can bring the baked spuds and so-an-so can bring the accompaniments?

Original poster
CeliaFate · 29/08/2013 13:23

longjane if we go self-catering we only ever cook breakfast. We eat out all other meals, even if it's just soup and a roll at a cafe for lunch.

They've said no to a take away due to the cost. Hmm

I do feel a bit aggrieved that I'm the one who's having to compromise while they get exactly what they want.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 29/08/2013 13:24

To me 3/4 of the people agreeing on something means it is agreement!

Original poster
CeliaFate · 29/08/2013 13:24

ViviPru they mean bring something you've already cooked - chilli, casserole or similar. But it still means I'll have to cook it after I've cooked dinner the night before we go, or on the morning that we're going. I haven't got room in the freezer for a casserole for 23 people.

OP posts:
hobnobsaremyfavourite · 29/08/2013 13:26

To be honest don't go . You sound utterly unwilling to try something different for one weekend. Holiday alone I expect it will be better for everyone.

ivykaty44 · 29/08/2013 13:31

Op - can you not go to supermarket and get a takeaway meal package?

Make a large cottage pie or lasagna or both and take with you as your offering

in answer to your question would I be pissed of if we were all going away and your family went out to eat.

I would find it slightly rude, but the sort of person I am I would think then form the off you didn't want to join in with friends weekend.

ViviPru · 29/08/2013 13:31

they get exactly what they want.

They probably think this is the best solution for the entire group though.

It's a bugger you've already showed your hand in this. With hindsight (and your resignation not to go out now) it would have been better to keep your own counsel and play the manipulative puppet master I never do this, oh no , getting in there early on the allocation of first night food provision to ensure you bagged the duty that was least taxing for you.....

Oh well you know for next time.... (haha as if there'll be a next time Grin )

Original poster
CeliaFate · 29/08/2013 13:32

Sirzy yes, it looks as though I'm in the minority so will suck it up and take something.

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 29/08/2013 13:32

celia - cook a chilli the night before for 27 people and eat 4 portions before you go and take the rest with you

Original poster
CeliaFate · 29/08/2013 13:33

ViviPru I like your style Grin there will not be a next time

OP posts:
PatriciaHolm · 29/08/2013 13:33

23 people?!! eating out anywhere is going to be a feat of major organisation, surely?!! Is it really that many - though with 4 families I'm guessing 16+ at least, so if you want to eat out, you need to book well ahead.

With that many people, compromises need to be made. They don't want to spend the money on eating out that night, and probably don't want to have to force overtired grumpy kids on a restaurant either. From that pov, eating in makes perfect sense. You aren't going to force them into eating out, so you need to decide whether you are going with the flow or going your own way. The latter, given you have decided to go on holiday with them, seems odd, and I would question why you signed up for the holiday if I were them; you can go out to eat as a family any time, a short weekend with friends will fly by so surely the point is for you and the kids to spend time together.

Say you'll take some pizza, someone else can take garlic bread, someone else salad+wine, someone else dessert. done.

ViviPru · 29/08/2013 13:35

Offer to do the nachos and rock up with a solitary bag of Doritos. Haha. That'll learn them.

Original poster
CeliaFate · 29/08/2013 13:35

ivykaty44 I laughed out loud at that.

Why the fuck did I agree to this shit? Damn you, red wine.

OP posts:
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