Aibu to think friend should grow a fucking backbone in regards to his stb dw

[SkylerRose]

My dh has been friends with this guy for over 10 years and I've known him for 5. Through another friend we introduced to a lady 15 years older than him (we didn't have a prob with this) since they properly got together last year said friend always has excuse why he can't come round... Doing jobs "surprising " the Missis but she complains that my dh doesn't go round to theirs... He used to till friend lied on phone to oh about dh not being there when he was. We didn't get invited to friend bday coz "she didn't think we would like to travel that far...." It's only 3 fucking miles! They are getting married soon and we did get invited dh was support to be best man but couldn't guarantee getting day off work ( booked my bday off last year and still ended up working) so friends oh lied and said he said yes then no coz had prob with age gap etc and is generally a total bitch. We both found out this week we do have wedding day off but then found out of vicar (did our wedding and doing there's) that rehearsal had already happened, spoken to friend recently and no word about said rehearsal mentioned so we thought fuck it we won't go as she obviously doesn't want her stb dh best friend there. She has isolated him from the few friends he did have and he just goes along with it
Sorry it's so long I'm ranting do all u mn's think wabu to not go after all this shit and more? Oh we moved 8 months ago and has only been to our new flat once when dh brought him in car and dropped him back off! Said no money for bus then went and bought £40 game later.... Also said about presents we were getting for bday and crimbo last year. Both still waiting.....

Not sure I quite get it.

Have you got a crush on the stb dh? That might explain a lot.

the vicars a shit stirrer isn't he? that's really the only bit of the post I understood.

find it hard to believe your dh shifts get changed like this and what's your birthday got to do with it?

Nope, sorry, have no idea what is going on so have no idea if you are BU or not.

Or did you mention the wedding to the vicar where he may have just innocently stated that he had gone through a rehearsal with them?

If your not happy with these people then just distance yourself and move on.

It's your DH's friendship. Leave him to sort it out.

And if your worried about Christmas present budget, ask DH to sort at out too.

Read the post a few times and still I'm getting lost in translation but I think I might have grasped a few things. Your DH is friends with her DH, her DH doesn't visit you and your DH doesn't visit them. Your DH can't be best man, you wasn't invited to rehersal because you are not part of wedding party, they haven't bought you presents even though they said they would.

From this IMO you are being U, because I can't see anything that her DH needs to grow a backbone over.

I don't understand this

1. You can't "expect" to get Christmas and birthday presents from friends. Some will, some won't. This is a non problem.

2. If you are asked to be a best man at a close friend's wedding and you say yes, you have to book the time off and stick to it. That's what everyone else does in the real world. The bride and groom can't be doing with a flaky best man.

3. You shouldn't be invited to the rehearsal, so let that one go for goodness sake.

Sorry, I can't help with the rest of your post because I can't get my poor little head around it. Too early for me.

Quicentialolddear yes I understand the difference. Yes he had specifically asked for that day to be holiday. And he has had work phone him up while on a weeks hol and ask him to work as someone else has phoned in sick...

Then as I said, it really is YOUR DH who needs to be growing a backbone and saying a big fat no to his work. They are taking the piss. He is under no obligation to work when he has booked holiday.

OP, in that case the only backbone your DH needs to grow is in respect of his job. If he booked the time off to be a best man at a wedding, there is no way that his manager can insist that he works on that day.

Too late now though.

But dont you think that being best man at a wedding sort of beats being on holiday, or chilling with the wife on her birthday? It is not like your dh would even have his mobile on in Church, is it??

What is the problem with the woman's age? You state in your Op that "we didn't have a problem with this" when it was clearly none of your business to "have a problem" with and then you go on to mention her age repeatedly. Is it because she is more mature and would prefer it if her stb dh didn't mix with silly children?
Honestly, just let them have their relationship and keep your beak out. He sounds happy to me, that's all that counts isn't it?

Why did you think you would be invited to the rehersal. I was doing a reading at a friend's wedding and they didn't invite me to the rehersal because I didn't need to be there. All I needed to know was where to sit and where to stand as the Vicar "announced" the reading. If you weren't playing any role at all then you wouldn't be at the rehersal.

What? Erm, the world doesnt revolve around you, you do know that, don't you?

Be quiet and get your husband a backbone. If he has booked leave, he doesn't need to work, but with all this nonsense, you can see why he wants to

This had made me laugh realising how badly I've tried to explain things and I still can't work out how I've said things myself. Lol. All I can say is she has pissed of a lot of his friends and has made him do a lot of stuff that has shocked everyone.

Noone can make another person do anything.

He is choosing to do things to make his stb wife happy, or maybe he is happy with his life and therefore feeling able to make changes himself.

By saying she's making him do things you are essentially saying he can't think for himself - what an arrogant and patronising thing to say about someone.

I'm in my thirties, so not old, but to be honest it all sounds like a load of immature, petty bollocks.

It sounds like he is in a relationship with someone more mature than the rest of you and he has outgrown you all.

Do you seriously waste time keeping count of visits and Christmas/birthday presents? How childish.

Agree your DH needs to grow a backbone at work. If he is on annual leave they can ask him to work, but he has every right to say no with no penalties.

Im sorry.

I am bewildered

Had you been drinking when you posted this?

Your DH's best mate is in an abusive relationship with a controlling partner. She has successfully isolated him from most of his friends by the sound of it, and she is well on the way to isolating him from you and your DH.

Have I read that right?

I would try to hang in there for as long as possible, because when he wakes up to the reality he is going to need friends.

No idea what's going on here, but I suggest you sit down with a and a nice hamwidge until it all has passed.

Yes

Bread

Ham

Bread

wereyouleftit.!!!! exactly right! I know I'm shit at explaining things and sound petty/ childish etc. but he sold a lot of his stuff because she wanted to but is 'allowed' to go to his club once a week. we are trying but its not easy anymore. we have about given up on him