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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want another baby or is it a case of bit wanting to accept the baby years are over?

13 replies

Thesimplethings · 28/08/2013 20:50

Short back story...

Tried for 8 years to conceive our first Ds, when he was 7 months old I fell pregnant again with ds2. I feel blessed and love everything about our two boys.

Yet.... I don't feel our family is complete despite struggling with a 3 and almost 2 year old. Husband fens the same, however I keep putting the brakes on trying for dc3 due to the current daily battles with two toddlers.

Aibu to ask how a third dc fits in with a worn out sahm and already tired work all hours dh? Would it puts strain on our marriage?

OP posts:

Original poster

Thesimplethings · 28/08/2013 20:51

I'm not sure if the years of ttc are clouding our judgement

OP posts:

Thepowerof3 · 28/08/2013 20:52

Do you have time to wait a little for a third?

javotte · 28/08/2013 20:54

I have been a SAHM since DC2 was born. DC3 was born 3 years later. I found the transition from 2 DCs to 3 much easier than from 1 to 2.
DC3 is 10mo and I am beginning to see the end of the tunnel - she is getting more mobile every day and can keeo herself entertained for 1 or 2 minutes when I need two hands to cook / wash DC2's hair / go to the loo... On the minus side, I haven't had a single nap since she was born and I am perpetually knackered.
I don't think it has put a strain on our marriage.

Footface · 28/08/2013 20:55

I can sympathise, I want another baby, they are so special and tiny and cute. ( I have a 3 and 18 month old) and I can't quite get to grips with not having another.

But I'm not sure i could cope! Not sure i was another child if that makes sense.

Spaghettio · 28/08/2013 21:10

I can also sympathise. I have one DS (5) and two DSS's (8 and nearly 6). Three boys is more than enough to keep me occupied, but I always imagined I'd have more. DP originally said no more, but I think he is coming around to the fact that I feel such a need to have another baby. I feel like my ovaries are aching when I hold a friends baby!

But another's baby means a bigger car, a bigger house, nappies (we are a nappy free household which is something that shouldn't be underestimated!) and all that.

Head says no - heart (ovaries) say yes......

Original poster

Thesimplethings · 28/08/2013 21:16

Unfortunately I don't really have time to wait. I'm approaching 38 and the fact that it took us years to concieve ds1 doesn't fill me with confidence.

Perhaps I'm feeling this way because ds1 is due to start nursery and I will miss him

OP posts:

thebody · 28/08/2013 21:17

hi op. I had 2 boys 16 months apart and then 2 girls 9 years later again 17 months apart.

how old are you! can you afford it? we had our first 2 in our very early 20s so felt we could.

depends on your personal circumstances.

firefly78 · 28/08/2013 21:19

my two are six and two and whilst i would love another baby i dont want three children if that makes sense??

redwellybluewelly · 28/08/2013 21:22

I hear you

I have a 3yo who suffered brain damage at birth, raising her has been indescribably stressful, frustrating, difficult, heartbreaking and very frightening at times. Her sleep habits sent our marriage to the verge of breakdown and we didn't get to do any of the normal new baby stuff

I also have a new baby, she is just, well, perfect. Just utterly perfect.

I'm not done having children, I have discovered I love being a mum and watching the girls interact is amazing. I don't want my two to feel endless competition and comparison ans I also don't want the older to be a burden to the younger. A third child could allow more diversity in our family and give my younger neurotypical child a neurotypical sibling.

DH says quite truthfully it my career or a third child.

HopeClearwater · 28/08/2013 21:31

Ooh been there, and sympathise... My 2 dc are very close in age and for years I thought about trying for number 3. However Dh was heavy drinker, we had to sell up, money was very tight, etc. In retrospect having three children would have made life much harder.
I appreciate what I have, especially as some of my very close female relatives have been unable to have children. Three, or even four, would have been lovely... but that hasn't turned out to be my life and I accept it without serious regret now that I am really too old to have any more.

Footface · 28/08/2013 21:33

So what do we do, my heart aches for another baby. But in reality it can't happen.

Shall I get a dog!

Kiwiinkits · 28/08/2013 23:08

I've often heard on MN that if there's strain in your marriage then it's the number 3 that kills it completely. You have to be realistic about your energy: if you have another child, will all your energy be directed at kids leaving very little for your husband and your work?

DH wants a third. I'm saying no, because I strongly feel that having another child will see my career and my life outside the home fly out the window. I don't have enough time as it is, and feel that we are only just on top of all of our shit at the moment (our jobs, our home businesses and investments, exercise, children, family obligations, professional organisations, housework... etc, etc).

Kiwiinkits · 28/08/2013 23:10

I too go weak at newborns. Love them. And my babies have been BEAUTIFUL: I would love to have another baby just to see such a beautiful thing again. But dear god, I don't want to do all the work!

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