To expect DH to tidy up baby's toys?

[nightowlmostly]

I'm not sure if AIBU here, DH thinks I am though so I thought I'd see what others think.

DH is the main carer for our DS, 16 months old, he works one day a week while I work full time. The thing we've been arguing about is that he doesn't see the point of tidying up his toys at the end of the day, or when he's finished playing with them. I'm not talking about all his toys, as DS will put them in weird places, behind the TV, under the sofa etc. I don't expect them all in perfect order at all times or anything. I just mean things like his stacking cups, which don't really work unless he has all of them. Or his shape sorters, things like that which only really function if all the pieces are there.

DH thinks I'm being uptight and it doesn't matter but its starting to annoy me, and I don't see the point in buying DS stuff like that if it's going to all get lost. AIBU?

Sorry, can kind of see your point, but if DH is main carer its up to him, really. If you have a problem with it, then you need to tidy them up.

You do sound a little uptight tbh. If it bothers you that much why don't you clear them away at the end of the day yourself?

If he's the full time carer, it's his decision. Do it yourself if it bothers you.

Yes, I think YABU, there's no need for that amount of order, if DH and DS enjoy playing with the toys then that's enough, it also can be very much part of the game "Oh no, the yellow cup is missing, let's look for it!"

My DH works full time, the state of the playroom does bother him but he tidy's it up he doesn't expect me too.

YANBU

of course he should tidy up and sort through the toys to make use they can be used again

It's not really about 'tidying up' though is it? It is about putting the things together that belong together. Shapes into sorters, stacking cups together etc. Not just about making sure they are all tidy at the end of the day. Both are important to me. Your DH would HATE living with me

I think it is mainly the SAHP's 'job' to do this because it should be done with the children, otherwise they are going to grow up thinking it's OK not to tidy up and it's normal to create chaos and just walk away from it.

I take it your DH is a disorganised messy person in general?

I'm a SAHM and DH clears DD's toys up because it bothers him and not me.

I always say 'to the untrained eye this looks like a mess - but I know exactly where everything is'.

Every now and again I sort through the crates putting the right jigsaw pieces back etc... as everything gets into a big mash and it annoyed me.

DH couldn't care less though.

So although I do it because I like order, I'm not sure I'd like DH being annoyed at me if I didn't do it.

So I'm going to have to say YABU and to let him do things his own way (or you sort the toys) even though I agree it's annoying! Sorry :)

I'm really not uptight about tidying up in general, far from it sadly! The only thing that bugs me is the toys that don't really work unless all the parts are there getting ruined. He can't stack the stacking cups if there's one missing! He enjoys playing with these things, and I want them to be around to be played with.

And for those who suggested it, I do tidy up sometimes when I get home, but it would be a lot easier if DH kept a vague eye out during the day to keep the bits together, as by the time I get home they could be anywhere.

We always lose bits but things do work without all the bits ie. a lone sacking cup is for acting out jack and Jill or a hat etc. children are so creative. You sound a bit uptight.

What JohFlow said
I have a well earned reputation as the person who can find anything in this house!

This would annoy me as well but then my affectionately known tidy habits are one of the reasons I would hate for dh to be the sah parent. I'd go crazy if I couldn't have everything put away neatly at the end of the day!

I think you need to leave him to do the sah bit his own way and if a toy being messy annoys you then tidy it yourself.

DH is the main carer for our DS, 16 months old, he works one day a week

No, he works full time, same as you, looking after your child!

Oh and YABU - tidy them up yourself if it bothers you.

fairylea exactly the same here!

If we swapped roles my head would explode from having to bite my tongue when I came home to chaos.

That said, bits of toys go missing especially when they get a bit older and start hiding stuff and accumulate more stuff.

I'm having a clear out at the minute as the number of toys is obscene. I keep telling family she's fine for toys but they can't resist a charity shop bargain.

Buy a great big crate to keep things tidy OP and then do a missing bit check now and again. They're happy to play with bits and pieces anyway DD hardly ever uses her toys for their "intended" purpose :)

fairenuff no need to be pedantic, I was just explaining the situation. I was going to say he is a SAHP but because he works outside the home one day a week it isn't entirely accurate. I'm well aware that looking after DS is a full time job, I did it for nearly a year!

Ok so maybe AIBU, I do tend to get stressed about small things. Sometimes they matter and sometimes they don't!

DS had one stacking cup missing for months - he still managed to use them.

As long as things aren't broken I wouldn't worry. Bits go missing but the vast majority of toys work just fine with the odd bit missing other than bloody jigsaws

In my house the rule is, "He/She who notices the mess clears it up

That wouldn't work round here. DH is happy to be asked to do something but he wouldn't notice mess if it was knee deep!

As long as theyre not broken, theyre fine arent they? DS2 can seemingly 'lose' the remote before bed, us adults cant find it anywhere, but come the morning, he knows where it is...