I have posted similar before.
DSD(8) lives with us. Before me DH was a young single parent so MIL helped him a lot. As a result I have been more lenient with her blatant disregard for our family life.
We also have a 9 week old DS.
These things seem small, but she often lets herself into my house. She makes a beeline for DSDs room ( often with a brief you don't mind do you?... Over her shoulder), cleans it up, collects her laundry, makes her bed.
DSD went to stay for a few days over hols. Decided she didn't like a belt on some trousers. MIL "oh DSD says she doesn't like belt, so I have kept it." Why? Why not send it home and let me deal with it??
She 'popped' round today, asked me if she could take the children's washing home. Was visibly surprised and annoyed when I said I'd done it. Just to point up here - I'm not the type to have mountains of laundry piling up, she will literally leap on a few pairs of pants.
She also said "by the way, I'd you know the baby has a drs app on tues? I saw the note in your nappy bag. Who does she think made it????!!!
I may be sleep deprived over sensitive but this is lik, every other day. She is overstepping the mark isn't she??
It is constant. I feel that she thinks I am incapable, which I'm not.
Oh and we have lived together for 4 years now so I'm hardly new on the scene!
AIBU?
In thinking MIL is seriously overstepping
Fairy1303 · 28/08/2013 05:25
I am delurking to say YOU ARE NOT A CRAP MOTHER at all! PND doesn't equal crap mother at all so please please don't think that.
I am so pleased to hear that your DH is supporting you. Can you block her number on your phone or if not, just delete her texts without reading them? Failing that can your DH ask her to contact him not you in future?
I really hope you are ok and can enjoy time with your family 
I agree, block her.
Your DH needs to keep supporting you ? I'm glad he is.
And you're not a crap mother and you ARE coping. If you have PND then you're ill. You will get support for that from your hv, doctor and your DH I'm sure.
Chin up and the MIL can fuck right off. 
She really does think that the world revolves around her, doesn't she?! 
You did not cause her depression if indeed she has it . It is her over reaction to you doing your own (natural) things as a family and her inflated expectation about how much she should be involved that may have caused it. Or it might just be her throwing her toys out of her pram! 
PND is not being a bad mum - it is a physiological condition caused by hormones being out of balance after having a baby. Being a good mum is dealing with it (if you are aware of it), trying to deal with feeling overwhelmed (if you are undiagnosed) and just by the fact that you want to be a good mum. You are obviously doing a good job as you are sorting out your dsd for school - and getting her nice things like her new school bag, as well as doing her washing when it hasn't been stolen . This at the same time as coping with a new born.
This is not the time to have to cope with a grown-up toddler having a tantrum.
Block her, leave your dh to deal with her and FiL(from the sound of it, he is being really supportive :)) and wait twenty years until she has grown up a bit.
And don't you dare feel guilty about going to see your own mum - you don't need to justify yourself to anyone! :)
God this woman just gets worse, she thinks she can dictate what school bag dsd has and wants to mark her uniform bloody hell, christ on a bike she needs help pronto!
Maybe you do have pnd, maybe you don't, either your mil is causing it or she is stressing you out so much the hv thinks you have it.
Block her number or change your number, it will be the best thing you ever did!
oh dear. I'd hoped no news was good news. you are right, she needs to see a medical professional.
here's some bad but fun advice. every time she texts you forward it back to her. see how long it takes her to notice . seriously though get yourself a new cheap phone on payg and get your phone company to swap the numbers. give those you care about the new no, they can keep the old number - you can switch the phone off all day or leave it on silent. your dh can read them when he gets home and deal as appropriate.
you are not forcing your mil out, though her actions may. it does not have to be an all or nothing situation but this is how she sees it. these things are not your problem. you are doing a very good thing for your dsd as she will get confused eventually. also if mil has form and has ruined her relationship with her other kids, she is probably trying to replace them with DSD and do you really want DSD going through that?
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Wow. To be honest, the "depression and insomnia" bit just made me want to laugh
What a self-obsessed nutcase. OP you have done a sterling job in horrific circumstances. I can't really get beyond coming into your house and taking things because she "thought you wouldn't need them" -
I'm not entirely sure your DH shouldn't be handling all of this but to be honest it sounds like she's too much for him so you end up handling it. This is why MIL/DIL issues blow up - because the people who should be managing it (DHs and also in this case FIL) take a back seat.
Stay firm OP - you are not wrong about any of this. Help is fine but she's not helping - she's manipulating all of you.
You're a good Mum, you are selfless and care so much about your little family. Your MiL is a crazy lady who sounds very narcissistic. My Mum can be like this and no matter what happens it has to be all about them.
(Example from this week: I was very ill, mentioned it to my Dad when he phoned about something.... Mum then calls back and proceeds to stay on the phone for 45 mins. Very woe is me because I didn't inform her and why do I never tell her anything.... 
)
Fairy would you like to come hide in my house? I have doors that lock and no-one else has the key 
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What a self involved, self obsessed specimen she is!
You'd think she'd be so pleased to have you in DSD's life, looking after her and giving her a nice, stable family home. Instead she is dwelling on what she wants. Selfish.
I'm so sorry you're going through this as well as PND which comes with its own set of challenges.
You are doing amazingly well as a DM, DSM, DW and DIL. I hope your DH continues to support you and I agree with the PP who said its best to leave him to handle PIL from now on while you concentrate on yourself and your family.
I'm sorry it's turned out like this Fairy. :( Really not what you need with a new baby!
A combination of anti-Ds and CBT helped me deal with mine, though currently I'm getting a rather good endorphin rush from laughing my arse off at 'Funniest Ever You've Been Framed'... 
2rebecca makes a very good point - given that you've both shown you're not going to stand for it, what on earth does she think she can gain by haranguing you and being unpleasant? The only logical thing is to back off and see less of her, she's hardly endearing herself to you.
She has been hoisted by her own petard. The prat.
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