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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to worry our marriage won't survive? Pregnancy hormones? Baby #2

11 replies

wonderingifiam2013 · 27/08/2013 15:43

Sometimes it's the best thing ever and I love being married

Sometimes he is rude to me/shouts and I just wonder if it's all worth it

We can both be stubborn and pig headed - but I apologise if I'm in the wrong ... whereas I have to literally drag a 'sorry' out of him which I'm sick and tired of doing :(

He knows he has a short fuse and he's working at it (through GP) - yet if I retaliate and speak to him as he speaks to me he thinks it's an outrage!

He is often very loving, caring and tells me often how much he loves me, but when he gets stressed/loses his temper I can't see any good in our relationship and think maybe we'd both be happier apart (I don't genuinely believe this yet)

He has started commenting that I used to be happy all the time and that's what he loves about me ... and now I'm just happy sometimes. Which is very true, but I've struggled with PND with our first and am now pregnant with baby #2

When I'm happy I'm daft, fun to be with and we have a ball together

He also says he is missing his drinking partner (as am I missing being one!) as when I'm not pregnant and we've put DC to bed at the weekend - we laugh/cook/dance and be silly together :)

Is it likely I'm feeling these highs and lows due to pregnancy? And have any of you got right back on track when baby has arrived?

I'm just worried that those first few (!) stressful newborn weeks may be enough to break us ... when I just want the old us back :)

We've been together 10 years if that makes any difference?

Please tell me this is pretty normal Thanks

OP posts:
Edendance · 27/08/2013 16:05

You shouldn't be expected to be 'happy all the time' he should love the whole of you- not just the 'good' bits :-/ 'in sickness and in health' etc. he should be there to support you...

What about therapy together- couples therapy type thing? Have you been getting your PND sorted through gp and councilling?

Him missing his drinking partner is irrelevant- he's being childish and pathetic.

CailinDana · 27/08/2013 16:17

Does he blame you for his outbursts of temper?

BalloonSlayer · 27/08/2013 16:24

"He also says he is missing his drinking partner" is an arseholey thing to say TBH. What does he expect you to do - start drinking and harm the baby to make him happy? Of course not, he wouldn't want you to do that. So why say it? Just to make you feel sad and boring, that's why.

If you being happy all the time is what he loves about you and now you are just happy sometimes, does he not think that perhaps the reason you are not as happy as you were is because he is rude to you and shouts at you.

Jeez - behaving in a way that makes someone miserable then complaining that they are not as happy as they were, then making the loaded comment that their happy nature is what you love about them is constructing a lose/lose situation. Or put another way - a veiled threat: "I don't care if I make you miserable, well, not enough to stop doing it. So I want you to stop being upset by my upsetting behaviour. If you don't - I will stop loving you." Also an arseholey thing to say IMO.

Original poster
wonderingifiam2013 · 27/08/2013 16:25

No he doesn't - it's work/tiredness etc

I don't know if we're at counselling stage yet. One day it's great, other it's not - I also know I'm very up and down at the moment

OP posts:
Original poster
wonderingifiam2013 · 27/08/2013 16:27

I actually made the drinking partner comment first Blush as we really are best mates

We're just a bit crappy at the 'best' bit at the moment :(

I thought this might be normal

... I'm guessing not now :(

OP posts:
CailinDana · 27/08/2013 16:29

Shouting and being rude isn't normal. How was he during your first pg/after the baby was born?

Makqueen · 27/08/2013 16:59

I could have typed your post. I feel the same.

redexpat · 27/08/2013 18:52

Instead of couselling (just the word can intimidate a lot of people and make it sound REALLY serious) could you find a PREP course? They're more like workshops where you go and learn about communicating with each other amongst other things. More like a relationship service/MOT.

Edendance · 27/08/2013 19:08

did you have support from Drs etc with your PND? I'm not totally sure how it works but perhaps you are still suffering from depression too? That and him not being as supportive as he should be would make you feel even worse and less able to deal with situations.

mumofweeboys · 27/08/2013 20:25

Joys of having children esp once no2 appears. Your both more tired and have less time for each other. Have a chat and tell him it's not going to be like this forever but it's going to get tougher for a while after no 2 arrives. Perhaps making plans for a years time/ two years time might help.

littleducks · 27/08/2013 20:42

I'm pregnant with dc3, dh has been great this pregnancy. I think between us we have finally got the balance right. I get really ill when pg and very emotional/moody (swing between clingy and totally aloof cant stand anyone touching me).

I felt the same as you in both previous pregnancies, definitely had some 'screw him I'd be happier alone' moments.

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