to be upset about bride's revelation on hen do about my husband trying it on

[colourmehappytheresasofainhere]

I'm so effed off and trying not to be upset about this. just got back from a wedding where I was bridesmaid and dh best man. On the hen, the bride told a funny story about how my husband had tried it on with her years ago but she'd turned him down, which was delivered in a kind of yuck I wouldnt go there sort of way. It was years ago, about 5 years before I got together with my dh. I was sick to my stomach when she told it at the time and of had a row there and then. I told her I found it really disrespectful of her and that it made me feel weird as we spend alot of time as a 4. I spoke to my dh about it and he said that he wasn't into her then, not that it matters, but that he really didn't fancy her.

I let the whole thing go, did the wedding etc etc all was ok. Then I looked at the photos of the wedding that he had taken on his phone. None of me. a few of her, with dhs best mates the other best man and groom. She looks stunning. I looked awful in dress that didn't suit me with massive bouffant hair. Both of which she chose, I must say. I felt a surge of jealousy and fury and anger that has really surprised me. Aibu? Help.

Thus speaks the voice of wisdom not . Take no notice of nasty and pointless posts OP.

It was a spiteful thing to say - how humiliating for you. What a cow. I'd keep my distance in future iiwy.

re him taking a few photos of the bride, that's what people do at weddings imo, it's kind of reflex. No reflection on you (though he was a chump not to take a photo of you too imo).

She sounds like a cowbag. Why belittle you and your husband by raking up this lame bullshit? Why did she think this was even a funny story to tell? Why are some of the women on here similarly tactless and rude?

too me 'the lady doth protest to much', she probably had a thing for your DH and she was the one turned down.

It must be horrible to suddenly feel insecure and as if there is a shared history that you knew nothing off until now.

IMO a tru friend would not have said what she said

ok you post on Aibu and posters then say you are or you arnt. that's how it works.

it's not spiteful to disagree with a post. it's not spiteful to advise the op to ignore a comment, to grow up and to point out that her dh choose her and this friend may well be jealous of op.

aibu can give someone a well meant arse kick which we all need some time.

to advise the op to have it out with her friend or her dh is, in my opinion, bad advice.

I wouldn't lose her as a friend over this. It was misguided but I expect after a few drinks she just saw it as a funny 'and we've both snogged the best man haha' story, without really thinking it through. I would just try not to think about it and in a couple of weeks it will have blown away in your mind. I can see if you keep thinking it over how you will get jealous etc, but there is really nothing in it.

Plus I expect she used the disgusted voice just to show you that she is not interested in stealing your husband rather than to offend you/him. Mind you, only you were there to hear the tone of voice.

I'd be pissed off that my husband had never felt the need to mention it to me before we got married.

too me 'the lady doth protest to much', she probably had a thing for your DH and she was the one turned down

I agree.

That was exactly why I was annoyed too, I wish he'd have told me, just to give me take heads up. it's something which I struggle with because I do know quite a few of the people he had things with, including one of the other bridesmaids so it's a bit of a sore point but I try to be fine about it. He's never given me cause not to trust him.

Your friend was rude and offensive. The photos & fact that your DH didnt really fancy her back then, etc..dont matter. The fact she very publicly told the story, also how she told the story - does matter. She isnt your friend and doesnt respect you..this can hardly be called 'off the cuff' she planned what she'd say. You'll feel less upset in time.

I dont actually believe nobody would find this upsetting and embarassing. Sometimes so called friends are slyly nasty, assuming because theyve said something in what they deem a 'funny' way or supposedly 'innocently' as part of a story, you wont notice theyre being nasty. As if. Good for you for having it out with her, you'd probably have felt a lot worse if you didnt.

Trills - no sane brides do. Personally have chosen dresses for mine which flatter them and they look gorgeous. I genuinely like these people and they will be in my wedding photos... why on earth would anyone make them look rubbish?!

She was out if order using that story, what a cow! I would question my friendship with her.

You've been styled by the bride. Few are selfless enough to want their bridesmaids to look spectacular.

Weddings bring out the evils in many people. The question here is- Can you be bothered to rescue this 'friendship'.

Unsolicited criticism and comments should be seen in the light of those offering them. Try to step back from your response to gain insight into the motives of others. What does it say about her and her intentions and feelings towards you?

I really don't know mignon. What would you think? I am seriously questioning whether I can carry on a friendship with her. As well as looking to myself, obviously

I think what she said was calculated to hurt you and make you feel uncomfortable, I think she is jealous of you. Not necessarily because she wants your DH but she probably just wanted to let you know that she could have had him if she wanted. Some people are insecure enough to give a shit about this stuff

I would be lighthearted about it when you next see her, make out that the thought of your DH coming on to her didn't bother you in the slightest.
"Gosh I'm sorry I went off at you like that the other night, I just felt like you were ridiculing my DH by saying you wouldn't go there. I just felt a bit protective of him, sometimes I forget that not everyone is going to think he's as gorgeous as I do!"

I would probably let the friendship fizzle out after that though, I couldn't be friends with someone who would try and publicly humiliate me or grab a confidence boost at my expense.

Time is needed to reflect Colour but usually unsolicited criticism says more about her character and need to 'burst your bubble' than it does about the reality of a situation.

How can you come back from this in terms of context too? A happy day about the start of her marriage and she does something with the intent of casting a cloud over yours?

I'd probably kiss her goodbye and keep it to nodding in the street from now on.

You should have replied with, 'Thank god his taste has improved since then eh?' in an 'I am joking but there is a serious undertone here' and left it at that.

ruthless bitch emoticon here

Excellent answer Golden. I once told my DH's ex wife that she was the stand in until the real thing came along. (She was a lying cheating cowbag who didn't deserve him).

Hey the bride got exactly the results she wanted, you feel shit about yourself, you argued with dh, you argued with her in front of other people which she can use as ammo in the future.
It's more likely that she fancied him and he never reciprocated and has been jealous of you for years!

I agree with the poster upthread who suggested that you distance yourself after the wedding, there was no need to say it.

YANBU! She sounds like a cow. Why mention it? She has the green-eyed monster without a doubt................

A workmate did this to me too - said my DH had tried it on with her years before, using a sneery as if tone of voice to say how she'd turned him down.

I just laughed & told DH about it - He laughed too & said he couldn't remember it, but thought she was obviously wrong as no one turned him down

Just put it behind you - she doesn't deserve the headspace.

Haha feeling better after reading these posts, thank you! Yeah. holding head up a bit higher now.