to ask if anyone else feels like it is permanently Groundhog Day when they have young DC?

[Callistone]

I'm just feeling... tired, I think, by it all. DH and I work full time and have an 18mo DD. DH works on a shift pattern that includes nights, which while it is great for childcare, means we don't have much quality time together. We moved to a new town just before DD was born and I have made good friends with other mums, but my oldest, closest friends aren't close by, and the local mums don't seem interested in going out to socialise, just meeting with the kids. Most of them and their DH's work 9-5 so weekends are very much family time. I have made one good friend whose partner also does shift work, and some friends are understanding, but it is me alone most weekends with just an odd 'pop' to see someone for an hour or so. Our families are supportive but not so close that we don't have to arrange seeing each other in advance, or that they can babysit for an evening. They will take DD for a weekend etc if needed which is great, but isn't much help during a long weekend with no real adult company. DH and I very, very rarely get any quality time together.

DD is great and I know I shouldn't complain, she is a very good toddler - sleeps well, eats well, no significant tantrums etc - but 18m seems such a difficult age in some ways. She wants our attention and involvement a lot but is yet to start playing anything we can fully interact with, iyswim. I get out and about loads but swimming and the library isn't as much fun on your own sometimes.

It's just recently started to feel that every day is the same. Work days - work, come home, do all the dinner time and bedtime stuff, then sit in on my own as DH is at work. Weekends - out and about but to the same places, then come home and... sit on my own as DH is at work a lot of the time. It's not the parenting so much that is Groundhog Day, DD is a lot of fun at this age, but the rest of it. Our jobs and where we live won't change for the foreseeable future, my local friends all have very young DC and I can't see them suddenly wanting to go out in the near future. We're not struggling for money, but not so flush that paying a babysitter to just do down the pub for a few pints is practical.

I'm just bored, and a bit lonely, I think.

Sorry this is so whiney. It's drizzling here so we won't get out too much today, maybe that's put me in a bad mood.

AIBU to ask if anyone else feels like this? And if you do, how do you challenge it and make it better?

Yes absolutely!! My DH also works shifts, which includes every weekend so I can especially sympathise with the 'family time' weekend situation. I wish there were more toddler groups on a weekend, sometimes I get really lonely, especially Sundays

I'm not much use for the how to get around it advice unfortunately. The playground gets well used, and we go for 'walks' (DD2 is 17 months).

If you're in the north east, I have chocolate

Me too with a shift working DH. I have 2yr old and 2 month old on mat leave so I don't have adult conversation at work either. Starting 2year old at preschool this term though so hoping that will help a bit.

Yep my husband works shifts too and I can definitely relate to the weekend issue. And just the relentlessness of it all. No great advice though unfortunately.

The only playgroups of a weekend around here are for dads only which annoys me. What about us mums who work full time? My husband works weekends all the time. It wasn't so bad when my mum was alive but now she is gone I feel very lonely. I had bad PND and bad experiences at baby groups so haven't made any mummy friends and all my old friends have moved away.

Oh well.

hell yeah, and don't even have shiftwork to contend with...

Damn, I was hoping for some awesome advice

Relentlessness is the right word. I'm very glad DH has a job he enjoys but sometimes I am so childishly jealous of my friends who have their DH around every evening and every weekend. Our house is a bit of a state really but there's so rarely two of us around to give us an opportunity to get things done, and when you're on your own all day with the DC you don't really want to spend nap time decluttering the understairs cupboard...

The overall result is to just make me whiny - and then what time I do have with DH isn't great because we are tired/annoyed by the house/pissed off that one of us has had a night out this month and the other hasn't. I think this weekend had been particularly bad because DH has been on nights so I've had to try and entertain DD out of the house or keep her quiet. Oh, woe is be

These sort of threads rear their head every once in a while. There must be plenty of mums who are up for some extra company at the weekend. I wouldn't mind trying to organise something local but I have no idea where to start...

I feel the same and my husband works regular hours. I'm a sahm, in a fairly rural area and don't have any friends, at all. My ds are 6 and 20 months. During school term it isn't too bad as i see people at the school gates, but the rest of the day its just me and ds2.
It does get easier when they are school age as they have play dates and its so much easier to take them on days out.

have you looked into gymboree classes? Alot of them run on Saturday mornings.

Have you tried setting up some sort of group for mums new to the area? Those kinds of people usually make an effort at weekends and need a social life as they've left their old one behind. Put an advert on the Netmums meet a mum board (sorry but the mumsnet one isn't great in my opinion.) Once you meet a few people you can re advertise as a group and viola - social circle.

Or should I say - social circle that wants to go out in the evening!!

The churches round my way run coffee mornings on a Saturday which have toys for children to play with. You don't have to belong to the church or be religious to go.

Crèche at the local leisure centre?

Children's centre might have some ideas?

I might try NM again. Tbh I have friends I met on there, I was all organised and posted what felt like a dating ad there before I moved, it is better than MN Local (sorry, MN, I feel like I am cheating!)

I did think about contacting SureStart as well?

It's not wanting someone to do anything too exciting with, but a conversation while at the park would be nice

Have you looked in to weekend classes at all? Swimming, toddler gymnastics or dance etc? Anything like that would help get you some adult contact whilst your dd enjoys herself.

My dh works 12 hour shifts, I have just done four harrowing long days with my two toddlers who I love more than anything but oh boy it's fucking hard and fucking stressful and lonely, we have no family support and I have a lot of health problems.

people tell me i should treasure these early days which I do but yes you are right, it's fucking relentless and groundhog day of the most hideous kind.

YANBU!

I've just had a look online for classes but I can't see any. I'll look again later in case I am being dumb. There does seem to be the assumption that people only need entertaining during the week, so no classes at the weekend until they hit school age, which I can understand but is still frustrating. Our swimming pool don't do kids classes until they are about 3 I think though she'll be going to them the first day she can

It's unbelievably reassuring to hear other people think the same. I get a bit snappy with DD sometimes because I'm a bit down and harrassed, and it's so unfair as I can see she just needs me to relax and play with her, and is an angel when I do that. It's not fair on her - and I guess she has the same problem when she is at home all day with DH.

Another one who completely understands, 5 th day in a row on my own with dd! I did meet people on mn local but most of them like you say have family time on weekends/bank hols. Try being specific in your post about weekends or see if people know of weekend classes. I had the same issue with them being on weekdays. Personally I found going to softplays etc and seeing lots of families makes me feel worse...can you get your family more involved? Our parents much too far away but even if you went every Sunday if they start to feel more confident with the Dc they may help more

YANBU

It's relentless isn't it?

I totally get where you are coming from

We have 21mo DS and I work ft

You could be describing my life :)

DS is amazing but it can grind you down a bit

Can I sign in please? DH works shifts as well, and I do freelance work in the evenings, we have had 1 evening in both together in the last 2 weeks. We have just been away for the weekend but that was with other people and not in the least bit relaxing! At least I don't work full time so we do get some time off together during the week and the school holidays, but I hate it when DH works weekends, it's boring! DS is 16mo and completely full on.

Welcome all!

YY, Choos, sometimes being alone at soft play or swimming is a bit lonely.

I'm hoping things improve once you can actually have something resembling a conversation with your child

See, I am reading this and am envious that some of you get a change of scene at work!

Toddlers are absolutely relentless - it's the constant mess, no logical reasoning and length of time it takes to do the simplest task that gets me.

I think I'm more short tempered than usual as I'm 7 months PG and it's hard chasing after almost 2yo DD right now. DH works long hours and I can't work due to visa restrictions (in the US for 3 years). Honestly, some days I'd love to go back to work, just to have a cuppa and a toilet break uninterrupted...

Have you tried Meetup.com in order to meet other local mums in the same position as you?

Fark yes. My DH has unusual hours and is at work every Saturday. Pisses me right off that the only group on Saturdays is the dad's group once a month. Talk about gender stereotyping. And they get bacon sarnies!

OP, I'm on maternity leave at the moment (have a 2.10yo and a 6mo), but when I'm at work, DH and I do what we call "shift parenting", where we're each at home three days a week with the boys and together only once. It's draining but tax efficient :o

I hate that weekends are supposed to be family time and so it's a rare treat to get to see a friend. I get very lonely. Agree with a pp that Sundays are the worst.

YANBU. Me too. DH just works and works and works and works. This Bank Holiday we dropped food round to a friend who has just had a baby and then went to the butchers. And that was the extent of our time together .

I'm a SAHM and it feels like just me and DD (almost 3) and like it's Groundhog Day every day.

It's totally like Groundhog Day. The only variety in life when they are young is the cute stuff they say and do and how excited they get when they learn new things.

I used to plan ahead a lot. Try and fix to see a friend for an hour or so every day and do two or three things outside the house - going shopping; swimming; playpark; cafe.

Or invite friends round. Have a family over for lunch, even if your DH isn't there. Invite old friends to stay the weekend once a month - just to break the monotony?

It's not for everyone I know, but church was a real life line at that age. Every Sunday there'd be other smiling faces, and people who didn't mind if your baby squawked or crawled up and down the aisle. Decent coffee and conversation afterwards. You might make some friends and it at least fills up half of Sunday!

I'm a single mum so I totally get where you are coming from. However, I have a bit of a mum routine that stops me from going crazy. Before I had my wee boy, I was a real gym bunny, loved to eat out and loved to socialise. When I split from my ex, I kinda had two options feel strapped to the house or organise stuff. Now I do exercise DVDs 3x week, I try and bake once a week and I have a grown up friend for tea.
In our area a friend organised a Facebook group which worked well to sort stuff for the w/e. just organise some stuff with other mums, you never know somebody might find w/e s equally difficult and be delighted that you have invited them to do something - football season is coming up, there are plenty of footie widows!
Perhaps you and DP could have date night at home. Sometimes knowing that you have a special evening to look forward to can get you through the lonely times x

I'll look in to Meetup.com. If anyone is in North Herts, feel free to join!

racing, I'm not remotely religious but you make church sound tempting!

I'm sure it's an outlook thing - I should focus on spending quality time with DD.

YANBU. 18 months is a tricky age. They're not old enough to spend the day at a museum or the zoo and have much fun at it but they're not babies who can just loll about the house happily all day either.

Our DS is 22months and DH works long hours so we don't get much time together to talk or have a nice dinner together in the evening. The boredom of it all is putting me off having a second child to be honest! I can't help thinking that if we just have DS we'll be done with this phase in a year or so but if we have a second now I could be trapped in my house for another 3 years!! I can't bear the thought of it. It's like being under house arrest...

It is getting better though. I have noticed a change in DS in the last couple of weeks. His attention span and understanding is improving by the day. It's just so slow!