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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think dh has been a twat?

18 replies

lecce · 25/08/2013 20:42

Dh is sahd. He has MS and his health has not been great over the summer, though hasn't been too bad. He has done a lot of gardening and DIY over the last two weeks. Dc are 6 & 4 - ds2 will start school in Sept so dh will be home alone most of the time.

I am a f/t teacher and, as is usual for us during holiday times, dh has taken the dc to his mum's today so that I can have until Weds am to do the work I need to do in time for next term. Dh is leaving the dc with his dm and is out with friends from his home town tonight.

I packed the suitcase and forgot to pack any pyjamas for ds1. Dh phoned at bedtime sounding very uptight. He used my full name to say, "Bloody hell, Lecce." it sounded as if he was disgusted with me - like he had found out I'd done something really shit as a parent. I sent a conciliatory text about an hour later, wishing him a good night and he replied: "Ok. See you tomorrow." He will, in fact, not see me until Weds. This was so cold and, well, wrong, that I rang him. I could barely hear him and he was cold and abrupt. We spoke for about 1 minute and then he said he would ring me tomorrow.

Our summer has been shit and he has been cold and distant so this is the latest in a long line of, as I see it, shitty behaviour from him. AIBU?

OP posts:
NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 25/08/2013 20:45

Well on the face of it, it seems like very little to get upset about....he has MS...that's a lot to deal with as a full time parent. I should imagine some grumpy behaviour is part and parcel surely?

Original poster
lecce · 25/08/2013 20:47

Ok, I should just suck it up then. I'm a full-time parent too.

OP posts:
NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 25/08/2013 20:49

Well yes but you're a full time teacher you said....your work stress is one thing...he is dealing with illness too.

WallaceWindsock · 25/08/2013 20:50

This seems like a one off tiff which most families experience during times of stress doesn't it? Just talk to him, I'm sure he just had a bad day.

dreamingbohemian · 25/08/2013 20:51

Have you talked to him about his behaviour -- has he offered any explanations?

Is it just usual holiday stress with the kids out of school and lots going on?

Mumsyblouse · 25/08/2013 20:53

Typical, ft worker mum packs the suitcase and then husband moans about things being missing. I wish I could say things were different in our house regarding packing, I do the kids as well, however I wouldn't expect my husband to moan about it whatsoever.

I don't think it's about this one example, though, is it? Have you thought of reposting in relationships about the whole thing?

Original poster
lecce · 25/08/2013 20:57

Not a one off, no. He has been distant all summer. It is only in the last few days it has dawned on me that he has interacted very little with the dc this holiday. He seems to rarely speak to them unless it is to snap at them about something. This is unlike him - I suppose it is related to the shitty illness. Feeling crap now. I have sat marking all day (boo-hoo. I know Smile) and will do so until Wednesday. it just feels like our relationship is no longer what it was and there is little to look forward to Sad.

OP posts:
WallaceWindsock · 25/08/2013 21:01

I'd imagine its tough being a SAHD with ms? A relative has it so know that it is indeed a shifty illness. She couldn't cope with being SAHP though, her mum does the bulk of childcare while her H works to give her a break. Could it be that he's finding it all too much?

Original poster
lecce · 25/08/2013 21:06

It is tough, but MS varies from person to person hugely. DH, though worse this year than any other, can still spend all day digging a neglected garden (we've recently moved) and then go out with friends until 1am (though he doesn't make a habit of this). His sister, who also has MS, could not mention either activity, even as one offs. Most days, an observer would not even know that anything was wrong with dh.

OP posts:
Andro · 25/08/2013 22:05

How do his MS attacks manifest? Could the mood change be part of/the build up to an attack?

Maryz · 25/08/2013 22:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PurpleRayne · 25/08/2013 22:25

Could there be any other possible reasons for his mood, apart from the MS?

MikeOxard · 25/08/2013 22:25

He should've packed it himself. You did the nice thing of packing, and he's getting shitty with you about it, having been shitty with you and the kids all summer? You need to ask him what the hell's wrong with him. Why would you want to be with someone who's just nasty to you all the time?

SweetSeraphim · 25/08/2013 23:20

Yes, I agree with Mike, the MS is kind of moot here.

Fluffyears · 25/08/2013 23:20

My late dad had progressive MS and at times there was no living with him. He went from a normal guy with a but if a bad temper to an nasty, aggressive, anger filled person. He once three a full cup of coffee at me for dating to go out with friends at new year, he tried to hit my mother who told him 'try it and I'll put you on your arse!' He once threw my full plate if dinner across the r

Fluffyears · 25/08/2013 23:23

Aargh iPhone-
Room for asking him to change channel on tv as he had remote. The constant vile moods, shouting and agressive nature were awful. I don't know if it a part if the illness but maybe something to mention to his specialist. Good luck x

Fluffyears · 25/08/2013 23:23

Oh god typing is awful but you get the gist x

Coconutty · 25/08/2013 23:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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