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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Advice on

5 replies

HildaVonCrapp · 25/08/2013 12:07

I will try and be brief as I can, but there is lots of necessary info so apologies in advance?

My DP was previously married. His ex-wife left him taking the two young children from the marriage with her (they are now aged 3 and 5, moved into rented accommodation and took the entire contents of their house save my DP?s personal possessions. She consistently tells people he kicked her out, was violent, manipulative and controlling.

My concern is not that however, but the welfare of my DP?s boys. Over the last year, these are just some of the issues that have arisen.

The eldest is frequently late for school, to the point where a teacher has driven to the house more than once to collect him. This has since evolved into the mum having daily meetings with the head teacher to support her. The school refuse to keep my DP up to date with the progress of the eldest child (he has parental rights) and he has recently sent a letter to the governing body asking for the situation to be reviewed.

The children are exposed to drunken adult parties, to the point where the youngest woke up in a bed with their mother?s sister?s boyfriend?s friend. They also see a string of men through the door.

The youngest child was found wandering a quarter of a mile from home near a busy road ? his mother was completely unaware he was missing let alone that he had let himself out of the house. He was told (by his mother) not to tell daddy but the eldest child told us. It was then confirmed by my youngest son who knows one of the girls who found him wandering.

Both boys are consistently covered from head to toe in flea bites from their pet cat. The cat (and its kittens) have now been sold/given away, however the problem still persists and we assume the house is in need of treatment ? she refuses to discuss when approached by my DP. We have bought creams and antihistamines for the boys which have gone back with them after a visit and then not been used. We have now bought more and kept the creams here.

The children are constantly given negative messages about their father and certainly about me and my family. They are clearly confused little boys who struggle with the loving warm atmosphere in our home.
There are many more little stories which in isolation don?t seem like much but in total spell out a situation that is really not very nice. I certainly think she needs some help and she won?t take it from my DP or his family.

Would it be unreasonable to contact social services, as I feel she needs some help and support here. And the children certainly do. Advice and thoughts please?

OP posts:
MoaningMingeWhingesAgain · 25/08/2013 12:08

YWBU not to discuss with SS, they sound neglected.

littlewhitebag · 25/08/2013 12:11

As i was reading i wondered if SS were involved. On the basis of what you have said here I would encourage to to contact either SS or NSPCC (who will pass on your concerns to SS). They will be able to visit and ascertain if the family require support. I am a SW and this would fit the criteria for carrying out an assessment.

HildaVonCrapp · 25/08/2013 12:12

To be honest, we don't know if SS are involved. There was something the eldest child said the other day about someone helping them to be a nice family. Would they not have contacted my DP though?

OP posts:
izzydazzling · 25/08/2013 12:18

Definitely not unreasonable to contact SS given the circumstances you've described.

thebody · 25/08/2013 12:19

your partner needs to contact SS himself as the children's parent.

you sound lovely.

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