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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No presents means no presents?

26 replies

Tailtwister · 25/08/2013 09:15

'No presents please' written on an invitation means no presents, right?

We have a children's party coming up and that's the wording on the invitation. However, I'm wavering about turning up with just a card. Obviously it's my problem I feel slightly uncomfortable and I should respect the wishes of the parents. I'm just a bit worried we'll turn up with nothing and loads of other people will bring something.

WIBU to make a donation to the local children's hospital in their name or is that bad form?

OP posts:
wonderingsoul · 25/08/2013 09:19

just go with a card, :) have fun.

bragmatic · 25/08/2013 09:20

I get my daughter to draw a picture for the birthday kid. She's quite good, and it means we don't show up empty handed, but still respect the 'no present' thing.

I've had 'no presents' parties for my kids before. Sometimes people bring something little, and I thank them and appreciate it. I'd also think a donation would be a nice gesture. But I'd be equally happy with nothing at all. I don't think it's bad form, just not necessary.

LimitedEditionLady · 25/08/2013 09:20

If they say no presents thats what thet mean.id prob buy a balloon or a badge if i was feeling so inclined.

BlackholesAndRevelations · 25/08/2013 09:22

No presents means no presents, I assume! Maybe they already have a house full and don't need or want anymore well meant plastic tat? Grin

moustachio · 25/08/2013 09:23

I agree with limitededition something like a badge (not a balloon because of the helium) or maybe a big bar of chocolate or something small :)

MidniteScribbler · 25/08/2013 09:24

I'd buy something and keep it in the car. Then you can do the 'oops I left it in the car' if everyone else brings gifts.

Original poster
Tailtwister · 25/08/2013 09:24

OK, I've made a donation to the hospital, but will just give a card. That way I feel better about it but won't come across as being all worthy!

OP posts:
Lweji · 25/08/2013 09:26

But even if other people take gifts, would you be sure the hosts wouldn't be annoyed by it?

I just wonder, though, if they don't actually mean for people to offer cash instead of presents. Hmm

Original poster
Tailtwister · 25/08/2013 09:32

Hadn't thought about that Lweji. I sometimes give vouchers if I know the child is saving towards something, but would still consider that a present...

OP posts:
IneedAsockamnesty · 25/08/2013 09:35

Lweji,

Cash would be a gift so that would be very unlikely

marriedinwhiteisback · 25/08/2013 09:37

Is "no presents" a new thing? Seems a bit mean to me. Have this family banned party bags too?

MisselthwaiteManor · 25/08/2013 09:38

I think the wording for give-me-cash is something like 'no
boxed presents'

What you've done sounds ok to me.

Lweji · 25/08/2013 09:39

Yes, cash is a gift, but is it considered a "present"?

(just thinking of all the threads about weddings and asking for cash instead of presents.)

Lweji · 25/08/2013 09:41

Sometimes people prefer to give their own presents to the child rather than have unwanted presents, or more of the same.

PoppyWearer · 25/08/2013 09:42

I would say that no presents means no presents, the donation to the hospital is a great idea. Every year I try to pluck up the courage to ask for no presents, but fail.

If you are unsure, I always think a balloon is a fantastic thing to give a child. Who could object to a balloon? Or a £1 craft kit from Wilko's, at least there is something to unwrap then. Or a large bubble wand, £1 from Poundland etc.

MrsOakenshield · 25/08/2013 09:44

married - maybe if they're inviting the whole class they think it's a bit much for everyone to bring a present, given that birthday child may not even know some of the kids that well, but he'll get presents from family and close friends? Nothing mean about that, a party should be about having fun with your friends, not presents. And who cares about party bags, they're not essential!

PoppyWearer · 25/08/2013 09:47

FWIW, I would want no presents due to lack of space. Also my DD doesn't tend to play with plastic crap any more. Craft kits, yes, but not plastic crap. Plastic crap would therefore be a waste of money. Better to either save the money or give it to charity.

Due to all the deals on at the moment, my DD also received for her birthday presents made up of multiple things. For example, a sticker book AND a craft kit AND a hair band. I would much have preferred it if she only received one of those, and she would have been none the wiser. I don't care how much people spend, or not!

Thymeout · 25/08/2013 09:48

i think 'no presents' is the logical result of parties with large guest lists. When it was small parties at home with close friends, presents were personal and individually appreciated. But when it grew into inviting half or all the class, it's really a bit OTT. I've seen parents come away from soft play parties with bin bags full of presents, still in their wrapping.

It just looks a bit too much.

OhOneOhTwoOhThree · 25/08/2013 09:49

We were moving overseas, so DS had a farewell party at soft play. I asked for no presents because we'd already packed up and I couldn't face squeezing in any more things. Some people brought them anyway and I was a bit irritated.

Another of DS's friends once sent round invitations that said something like "no presents please, x already has enough toys. If this is awkward for you, we suggest a pound coin". That worked really well for all concerned (from a guest's perspective anyway).

IneedAsockamnesty · 25/08/2013 09:50

It could be that they know many of the guests have family's who are struggling,I would do no gifts if that was the case because I wouldn't want to party to be a challenge to be overcome for those guests

Arisbottle · 25/08/2013 09:52

When the children have had full class parties we have always said no presents , and meant exactly that.

PinkyCheesy · 25/08/2013 09:53

My DS had a whole class joint party with 2 friends. We asked for "no presents, but if you feel you want to buy, then please donate a couple of £ to the class". Their class (yr 1) received £85 which they spent on stuff for the home corner so everyone benefited.

pumpkinsweetie · 25/08/2013 09:57

I would just buy a cardSmile
Think it's quite nice they have asked this actually, because it can become quite expensive when a child is invited to lots of parties as you feel the expectation is there to buy a gift, when most probably it leads to a lot of clutter when a child recieves 30+gifts.

marriedinwhiteisback · 25/08/2013 10:02

Now that I think was loveLy pink cheesy.

I may have slightly skewed view on this as our ds has a Christmas day birthday and his party and the sack of presents in mid January was always a way of making sure his birthday was separate and he had presents to unwrap distinct from his christmas presents.

It was special for us so I think of it as special for others too.

PoppyWearer · 25/08/2013 10:05

What a lovely idea PinkyCheesy!

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