to feel slightly pissed off?

[trinn]

So DH and MIL decided a few months ago they wanted a dog, well a puppy to be precise and bring this bundle of fur up, me on the other hand was dead against the idea as I'm a SAHM (looking for a job) would end up walking it, feeding it, picking up after it and training it so I wasn't conducive to the idea and kept saying no.

A few weeks ago I got ambushed a 2 pronged attack so to speak and we ended up at the local kennels, unbeknown to me they had been up previously in the day and seen a new batch of puppies fresh in and picked one, I grudgingly said yes, and we are now the proud owners of a furry pain in the backside.

Heres the kicker and what I'm pissed off about the pup isn't sleeping at nights he whines and barks all night which my MIL is bitching about, he isn't trained and jumps up when we are eating again she bitches, I take him to puppy training which I follow up at home (this pup gets fed better than me he's on chicken strips atm for treats) but DH and MIL know better and try to train him their own way which undoes everything I do, I also do the last walk of the night as both of them are in bed.

I bought the dog a crate to sleep in and both my DH and MIL refuse to shut the door on the pup saying it's cruel and the hallway is puppy proof it's bloody not he's already ripped wallpaper and is chewing on the stairs.

AIBU to feel pissed off as I didn't want a bloody dog they did and now MIL is whinging.

And your mother in law figures in this decision ... how? Are you living with her or something?

Yanbu. Treat them like the children they are. If theu can't look after the puppy he goes back

YANBU is there a way to return the puppy if its only been 2 weeks?

Shame you all got a dog when you (main careperson) wasn't up for it!
To make your life easy, putting the dog in the crate with the door shut will after some time be a safe place for the puppy - it is not cruel.

Also, if it's crying at night, it could be scared of the dark. We had to have a night light for one of our dogs when she was a puppy, or she would just cry aaalll night long. Buy a little blanket and sleep with it for a night, then give it to the puppy, and it'll smell nice and safe.

Provide loads (and I mean loads) of chewy toys and bones and stuff, or the puppy will literally eat your house whilst teething.

Your mother in law is being a child if she bitches about it - you are not being unreasonable for being pissed off, all I can suggest is try to make the best of it, or give the puppy back. A dog can be amazing company however :)

yes she lives with us, the only way to return the pup is if has some cogential diesease which wasn't picked up, I had him checked and he's healthy as far as the vet can tell.

It just pisses me off that I'm taking it to puppy training, he doesn't sleep and she bitches, I'm trying to train it and they undo everything I've done.

so stop. you are a sahm NOT a stay at home doormat

I leave the landing light on for him, and a radio he also has a cardi of mine which I wore on the day he came home so it smells of me and his kennel he came from.

but why are you doing all of this if you hate the idea of having a dog so much? Its such a massive thing, you should never have said yes.

What happens when you go back to work? I only ask because I can't imagine my DB's dog being okay on his own for 9hrs per day (my DM, who cares for the dog in the daytime, can only go out for 4 hrs at a time when my DB is at work). If you're going to have to rehome him sooner or later, it's probably best to do it while he's still a cute, adaptable little puppy with no behavioural issues - just focus on getting him into a good home, rather than making your money back or getting rid of him as quickly as possible. You can't leave him in a crate all day, and you certainly can't compromise your future financial security and day-to-day life by putting off returning to work for the sake of a dog that you didn't even want.

I hope the above doesn't sound harsh - I can tell from your post that you're doing your absolute best for the poor puppy. However, it's obvious that your needs and best interests are incompatible with the needs and best interests of the dog, and your DH and MIL have been too selfish and irresponsible already for you to trust them to sort out that conflict when it arises.

(Also: from what you've said, I wouldn't trust MIL to take over the responsibility when you go back to work. If you do, you'll end up with an ill-disciplined dog, a scruffy house full of things he's chewed to pieces whilst bored, and the expectation that you will continue to walk him and clean up after him on top of your working and parenting duties.)

I am a dog lover and our second dog is just coming to the end of the puppy stage.

I wanted the dogs and am committed to training them. Our family is reasonably consistent in applying training strategies and rules and three of us share the walking. Even with all this is place the the dogs are still hard work and a big commitment.

I honestly think you should consider either returning the puppy or handing it over to a different rescue while it is still very young. I don't generally advocate giving up like this but, if you're going to resent it this much, you've got some very tough times ahead.

The puppy will be much easier to rehome now than when it is older.

Think very carefully about whether this situation is going to get worse or better. If you genuinely feel it is going to get worse, do the poor dog a favour and let it go to a family who can give it the consistency and love that it needs.

because I'm a pushover and cannot bear to let others down, I have had dogs in my life and I'm a dog person but what's pissing me off is both my Dh and MIL wanted this dog and have left it up to me to train etc.

I spend ALL my time on internet forums on how to train dogs, I seem to have spent EVERY night telling my DH to let him bark but apparently I being cruel even tho the trainer says to let him bark, forums say let him bark I say it and they go to him. I understand why we have neighbours, people in the house have to get up early but a few nights unbroken sleep is far better than 18 years unbroken sleep.

what do you expect is going to happen? how old is your pup and what kind is it?

what do I expect? he starts to sleep at night and she is happy, he stops jumping up she is happy (both is achievable) I crate train him and get a part time job, not after a full time one as my son is autistic so I need to be around for him, I think she is wanting a dog like her old dog which was very obedient it was in her nature to be obedient as she was a golden retriever.

The dog we have now is a golden and is obedient but they have to accept he will bark, he will whine he will keep them awake for a few nights (if they ignore him), they have to be consistent with training the way I tell them.

I love the dog, I love having him around but I knew everything would fall onto me which I didn't want hence not wanting a dog in the first place which I have said to them both, I explained as I am at home all day I didn't want this responsibility to fall squarely on me they said it wouldn't but it has.

It just pisses me off that she wanted the dog and done nothing apart from buy him and then moans when she goes and undermines everything I do (I have food tell him firmly NO he listens, she has food and gives it him when he sit's nicely from jumping up conflicting messages yeah I know)

rehome the MIL. Keep the woof

Coca, my thoughts exactly.

Keep the dog, dump DH and MIL.

They absolutely don't have your best interests at heart. So selfish.

Why are you such a doormat anyway, not wanting a dog and ending up having to take care of it?

I didn't start out as a doormat but life has turned me into one for one reason or another lets just say I have experienced the darker side of life and find it easier to please others these days than wade through all that shit again.

a dog is another child they need just as much attention and can easily cost as much. if you are resenting it now think how you'll feel in 10/12 years. The fairest thing would be to rehome it now, and I'd be a bit concerned by a breeder that won't take a pup back but would rather leave it in an unwanted place.

I'm desperately saddened by the breeder who won't take the pup back unless it has a genetic disease. All reputable breeders I know demand that you bring them back the pup if you can't handle it or don't want it

I'm sorry you've found yourself in this position, and I'm very sorry for your dog. I feel like your dh / mil need a firm kick up the arse. Training needs to be consistent if it's to have any effect. The pup should not be whining after 2 weeks either - shut it in the crate and make the crate its happy, fun place - never a punishment.

I'm actually quite furious that they've pushed you into getting a dog you didn't want and consequently your poor dog is being messed around by their actions