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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find it tactless to tell a pregnant woman that epidurals can cause paralysis?

26 replies

DrSeuss · 24/08/2013 16:26

Yes, I know they can. I checked and there is around a 1:250 000 chance which, when you think about what it actually involves, is unsurprising.

However, DH cannot see that it inappropriate for my MIL to keep saying this to his pregnant cousin. Hopefully, she won't need one but if she has to have a section, there will be no choice. How will it help her to have her aunt's voice in her head telling her she may now be paralysed?

Thoughts?

OP posts:
Justforlaughs · 24/08/2013 16:29

She WILL have a choice, and the doctor will be obliged to point out the risk to her if MIL doesn't. Maybe, it's not the most tactful thing to keep reiterating, but maybe MIL has had experience of things going wrong.

cory · 24/08/2013 16:31

I think the problem is not that you shouldn't be informed- after all, all medicines and operations come with a list of possible side-effects, but more that MIL is not perhaps the best person to do this.

Original poster
DrSeuss · 24/08/2013 16:31

MIL has never had an epidural, knows no one who suffered ill effects personally and loves a good scare story.

OP posts:
TheRobberBride · 24/08/2013 16:33

Yes it is tactless and not very nice. Of course it is. But how does your cousin feel about these remarks? Personally, if some random relative had said the same thing to me when I was pregnant, I don't think I'd have taken a great deal of notice TBH.

In any case, it's not really your place to have words with your MIL about it is it?

Original poster
DrSeuss · 24/08/2013 16:33

I presume that these facts are given to women at the time but that's a bit different from her, "Ooh, don't have an epidural, they can leave you paralysed, " over the dinner table!

OP posts:
Madladyintheattic · 24/08/2013 16:34

YANBU your MIL should shut up.

If your DH's cousin needs an epidural then the anesthetist would have to discuss the risks with her.

hettienne · 24/08/2013 16:34

It's fine to tell her once, surely? To keep saying it isn't helpful.

RobotHamster · 24/08/2013 16:35

Yes its tactless, and largely pointless. I do know someone who was temporarily paralised after having one though and would do what I could to avoid an epidural, but a lot of the time its unavoidable

DioneTheDiabolist · 24/08/2013 16:36

I think you're over-estimating the impact of stuff aunts say when you're pregnant. They (and others) come out with loads of crap. However, to most people it goes in one ear and out the other.

I think you're over-thinking it OP.

sashh · 24/08/2013 16:37

Well it's much more likely her pregnancy will leave her with an enlarged heart, but no one mentions that.

I think it is a certain age group, when epidurals were first available they heard one scare story and escalated it.

FamiliesShareGerms · 24/08/2013 16:37

Agree that it is fine to point out the risks once (especially as I know someone who still has problems from an epidural 35 years ago - not paralysis, but pain and tingling almost every day is not pleasant)

But banging on about it all the time is unnecessary.

RandallPinkFloyd · 24/08/2013 16:43

The mil is definitely BU purely because it's not her place to say it and in all honesty harping on about it makes her sound a bit bonkers. Did she hear it on an episode of This Morning or read a story in Take a Break once by any chance?

Epidurals are risky. It's sad but it's true. I ended up with a post dural puncture and it was horrific. Knowing the risks in advance didn't make any difference though because there wasn't any choice, DS was stuck and had hardly any heartbeat so he needed to come out ASAP and he was too far down for a crash section. (I ended up with borderline PND and PTSD but that's another story.)

Yes she needs to know the risks involved in every type of birth but I'm sure she's capable of doing that for herself. It's certainly not your MIL's job to impart her learned-from-an-episode-of-Dr Kildare wisdom. Hmm

Original poster
DrSeuss · 24/08/2013 16:47

Never mind, I'll take her up to the hospital this evening. I'm sure she can have some fun in the cardiac ward telling heart patients they'll be lucky to survive the night or maybe I can take her to the geriatric ward?!

OP posts:
catgirl1976 · 24/08/2013 17:03

They do give you the facts at the time. I remember the anesthetist reading off a long list of information and possible issues and me just thinking "Shuuut uppp I don't care I want the bloody thing nooooooowww! Blush

People do need to be informed but your MIL banging on about it sounds very annoying.

eurochick · 24/08/2013 17:08

Well your cousin would find out anyway if she wants one because she will be warned of the possible risk. It's not nice but it has to be done. I had egg collection for IVF. I don't think my husband was thrilled to be listening to the warnings about how they might puncture my bowel or bladder before he had to go off to give his contribution (I certainly didn't enjoy it) but it's necessary and all medical procedures have risks.

nickelbabe · 24/08/2013 17:10

it's tactless for someone who isn't in charge of your healthcare, yes.

it's not tactless, obviously for your MW or consultant to tell you.

mrsjay · 24/08/2013 17:14

your MIL sounds a right Drama Lhama jeez is she always maudlin about things, yes epidurals come with risks, tell the cousin to not listen to her and go with what the Midwives Drs tell her then it isn't tactless for them to say it

DioneTheDiabolist · 24/08/2013 17:21

OP, how many times has your MiL said this and what has DH's cousin said about it?

Original poster
DrSeuss · 24/08/2013 17:21

Drama Llama! Never heard that before but it's so perfect for her! I nearby name her that in perpetuity!

On announcing that we would be having a baby girl in a few months time, the very first words out of her mouth were, "Are you having the Swine Flu jab?". I never did get a congratulations! FIL is the perfect match for her. As he left following my mother's funeral, my father having also recently died, he said to me, "It is very unusual to be an orphan at 35.".

They make such cheery dinner guests!

OP posts:
Original poster
DrSeuss · 24/08/2013 17:22

Three times so far, she tries to pretend she hasn't heard.

OP posts:
mrsjay · 24/08/2013 17:24

they sound a hoot Grin

least she is ignoring her nonsense ,

I cant take credit from drama Llahma saw it on here it is great though

mrsjay · 24/08/2013 17:25

My Mil was like that she was always so negative joking aside it is exhausting for everybody having to listen to them go on and on,

MrsDeVere · 24/08/2013 17:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RandallPinkFloyd · 24/08/2013 17:29

They sound ace!

My mother is very similar. She hadn't heard of HG before so when I told her (from hospital) that I had it she went on a frantic googling spree. The first thing she said to me when she visited the next day was "Emily Bronte died of this you know".

DioneTheDiabolist · 24/08/2013 17:30

OP it sounds as though DH's cousin isn't that bothered so I can't really see why you are, or indeed what you think your DH should do about it.Confused