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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to wish my guest would just leave?

22 replies

ChocolateWindmill · 24/08/2013 15:50

I think I just need to vent to be honest but here goes...

One of my friends and I have been drifting apart over the last few years and while I realise it's quite sad to lose a friend, I also know that we have ended up just going in different directions in life and have very little in common. We used to live in the same city, but about 6 months ago DH and I moved to Scotland and the friend and I have barely spoken since.

A few weeks ago he called me up asking if I was mad at him? We hadn't spoken/texted in weeks. But he hadn't called either. I said of course not just haven't had anything to report. He kept going on about how glad he was that I wasn't mad at him and missed hanging out with me. I reminded him that I have always said he can come and visit for a weekend whenever he wants. Which was a genuine offer. I love having people to stay because when we lived in England we were in a much smaller house and didn't have any room for visitors, but here we have space and are well located for attractions. He seemed really happy things were fine between us and we left it at that.

The next day he called again and invited himself up for a week. I should have put my foot down there and then and said no, that's too long, but I was so taken aback I just mumbled in agreement and said of pick him up at the station.

He's been here since Tuesday. Unless I have actually arranged a trip somewhere he has just been mooching around the house in his PJs. I work from home so it basically felt like he was breathing down my neck all week waiting for me to finish work so we can do stuff. We live a 10 minute walk from town there are LOADS of things he could do and see without me! I felt so guilty for working, even though I made it clear that's what I'd be doing when he arranged to come up.

On top of this he has been a really bad house guest. He hasn't opened the curtains or made the bed in our guest room the whole time he's been here. I wouldn't usually look in the guest room when people are staying because I think it's an invasion of privacy, but he just leaves the door open (even when he goes to sleep, we have to walk past the open door on the way to the loo!). Yesterday the duvet was on the floor. I'm not sure if I should go in and move the plants out, they are probably going to die with no daylight for a week.

We have gone out for drinks pretty much every night since he got here. This isn't something that DH and I usually do, we tend to just go to the pub on Friday night and that's it. My friend hasn't bought either of us a single drink the whole time. When we went out for dinner on Tuesday when he got here we split the bill, which is absolutely fair, but since then I have cooked dinner every night, and he's not offered to help once. He comes in the kitchen sits down and just eats the food. He doesn't eve offer to help with the washing up, and he unloaded the dishwasher once, into the table (even the cutlery). He might as well have left it in the dishwasher I still had to put it away. Bit It's quite expensive feeding an extra person for a week! Maybe I'm naive to assume a glass of wine by way if thanks?

This morning we went out for brunch and I bought us all coffees and he didn't say thank you or offer me money for his. Then after brunch he told us he "felt he was obliged to buy us something for letting him stay and what do we want?" I just mumbled about a bottle of wine or something, but to be honest I'm beyond caring. I've spent so much of food and drinks and going to touristy places with him (that I wouldn't have otherwise done) I just want to stay at home and watch a film and not have to spend any more money. I keep suggesting things he can do on his own but he just says "it's ok, I'll wait for you". I don't think I spend this much time with DH even!! Even if we're on holiday we like a bit of solitude!

IABU to just want some sympathy and maybe someone to share in my pain? Anyone else have any stories of difficult guests? I've feigned an important work emergency to lock myself in the office to write this!

OP posts:
VanitasVanitatum · 24/08/2013 15:54

That sounds horrific, poor you.. Just keep thinking he'll be gone soon and you can have your house back! Very odd to come and stay for an entire week when you haven't been in touch much recently..

HotCrossPun · 24/08/2013 16:04

If he is a friend you should be able to communicate with him about this.

A week is definitely too long for a visit - but obviously you know that now. Grin

Stop buying him drinks when you are out, don't pay for anymore coffees and if you are working during the day tell him he is getting under your
feet and why doesn't he go into town?

LumpySpace · 24/08/2013 16:05

Do you live in a touristy area? Could that be why he wants to stay for a week?

At least your approaching the end of the week.

Justforlaughs · 24/08/2013 16:06

Did he tell anyone he was coming to stay? Do you have a patio you could bury him under? Wink

Makqueen · 24/08/2013 16:08

Bloody hell, you've been paying for all the drinks/snacks when out! The least he could do is split the bill or treat you to lunch or dinner as a thank you and he should be offering to clean up if you have cooked for him.

Tbh, I would probably end up murderig anyone who stayed with us for a week, far too long for a house guest!

TrueStory · 24/08/2013 16:12

This little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed at home, this little piggy had roast beef, and this little piggy had none, and this little piggy went all the way to his friends house to sponge off them.

ChocolateWindmill · 24/08/2013 16:13

Justforlaughs - could probably find a nice spot in the garden but our dog does enjoy digging stuff up so it might come back to bite us in the ass! Wink

OP posts:
ChocolateWindmill · 24/08/2013 16:14

MarkQueen - not all the drinks, he's been paying for his own, just hasn't offered to buy us any ever!

OP posts:
ChocolateWindmill · 24/08/2013 16:16

LumpySpace - that's what I thought! If he went out and did the touristy stuff I wouldn't mind so much but he's just here. All. The. Time. Confused

OP posts:
cushtie335 · 24/08/2013 16:17

That's appalling. This guy is a freeloading bum. YANBU. I would really question the friendship from here on in, he doesn't have the same values as you and that's a dealbreaker in friendship.

LumpySpace · 24/08/2013 16:18

That sounds awful! Next time if he contacts you and asks if you're annoyed with him say yes.

Finola1step · 24/08/2013 16:19

Well I suspect this will be the final nail in the coffin for your friendship. You have obviously moved on and it sounds like you have v little in common. Once he leaves, might be best to let this one drift.

ChocolateWindmill · 24/08/2013 16:24

Oh yes. We weren't very close anymore anyway, I just wish we had drifted apart instead of me being annoyed at him that made us fall out.

And for some reason I feel really guilty about the whole thing!

OP posts:
ChocolateWindmill · 24/08/2013 17:22

Oh god, he's just come in and asked what time I am planning on making dinner.

OP posts:
IceNoSlice · 24/08/2013 17:28

Say 'oh dinner! I forgot, I've for so much work to do, I've fallen behind this week. You know what? It would be so helpful if you didn't mind popping to the shops and sorting out dinner for us all! It could be that 'something' you feel obliged to get us!'

IceNoSlice · 24/08/2013 17:29

I've got so much work to do

Mumblepot26 · 24/08/2013 22:32

Have you got my brother up there? Sounds exactly like him....I love him to bits, but he is a lazy, thoughtless arse of a house guest. I feel your pain, suggest he could go and get take away while you finish off yor work. Make sure you don't give him any money. Roll on Tuesday

fisharefriendsnotfoood · 24/08/2013 22:39

and so the saying is proved correct again - 'fish and visitors stink after three days'

learn and repeat as necessary to prevent re-occurrence of annoying over staying house guest

no need to thank me Grin

mameulah · 24/08/2013 23:02

I wouldn't even chance that he would cook in my kitchen, I can imagine he isn't the 'tidy up as you go along' sort. Get him to go and get a Chinese, say 'one of those meals for four will be fine' then eat the leftovers tomorrow. Have you given him a key? Get it back! Before he has 'officially' finished his holiday. Get it back when you don't need it then lose it so you know that when he is gone, he is gone! Have you not got an imaginary relative that has to come and stay all of a sudden?

kelpeed · 25/08/2013 08:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kelpeed · 25/08/2013 08:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

moustachio · 25/08/2013 09:18

We went to see friends in Scotland recently and it cost us a fortune to get there. I felt bad as no one had visitedthem uyet so we swallowed the price and how much it cost for food/drink out all weekend. We had a great time though. Maybe he thinks he's doing you a favour visiting? He may not realise you think he's in the way.

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