To have a bit of a strop

[mootime]

Ok so I probably am a bit, but not without reasonable provocation.
Am at IL's with DH and DCs. I need to do a bit of work, so left DH, MIL and SIL with DC's. DH decides to pop into town for a few minutes, leaving the others with the dc. I hear MIL inside for about 20mins so I assume SIL with them, and boone had come to get me to look after them. When DH returns he asks MIL where others are, SIL apparently gone out and DCs in garden alone. Large garden, out of sight, dd only 18mo. I got a bit upset as found dd totally alone (ds and cousins in different bit of garden) wandering in a large garden. Apparently this should have been fine. AIBU?

I'd be very upset, there's no one clearly in charge so an 18 month old is left unattended?

I'd be extremely upset. I'm not sure who with.

If they were all busy, I would have stopped working. It wouldn't have been a problem.
DH insisting that I apologise for letting off. Frankly, I stopped myself from totally going mad!

I'd be a bit annoyed but it just sounds like a bit of a misunderstanding.

Yabu. It's a garden. Not as though left to play in the street.

Unless the garden has a swimming pool or pond, in which case ywnbu

No, they knew that they were alone. Eldest of the children is 4, so hardly old enough to be responsible for an 18mo.

MIL thinks that they are fine unattended apparently.

In that case, YANBU. I'd be seriously annoyed if my nearly 2 year old was left, let alone an 18mo.

I'd have been upset too! Especially wit the 18 month being unattended even if older children were in the garden. Anything could've happened. Your dd could've had a fall or picked something up or even eaten something she shouldn't have.

I wouldn't apologise and Id want to know why someone didnt just come and get me

I think it would have been fine if they were 4+
18mo is far to young to be left unattended though.

What did you say to them?

I suppose it depends on how you reacted. If you stated clearly that you weren't happy and that you should have been called to watch them yourself then YANBU. If you shouted and screamed and swore at them all then you were probably BU.

I said, fairly stropily, that if DD was alone, someone should have got me, that she is only 18mo...
Mil then pretended that she'd only popped in for a minute (which she hadn't) I'd heard her talking to FIL for ages. Then said that she thought dd was fine on her own anyway.
DH then told me not to be rude to his Mum, and I left dd with DH to go back to working before I got really cross.
Of course I'm now too cross to work, and am MNing instead....

Were they merely unattended, or alone in the house?

our youngest is 16 months old and I'd be livid!

a friend's 6 year old died because of similar circumstances of no adult supervision despite many available adults around
(mother asked friends to keep an eye on him as she had to go to the bathroom with the older child. 10 mins later she returned to find out the group moved onto a different area without her son.
having search the beach and playground they found him in a pool face down half an hour later, he died the same day.)

introduce the term "chain of custody"
which means there's a person in charge and knows it until another person is in charge etc.

YANBU - that's quite mild compared to what I was expecting :)

Your DH sounds a bit pathetic too.

Who the fuck thinks it's OK to leave an 18mo to her own devices, out of sight, for 20 minutes?

Zing that's so sad :(

Was she upset?

Could she get into the house if she wanted?

Could she come to harm in the garden or get out of it & be in danger?

TBH, your husband sounds an arse though-did he actually ask someone to keep an eye on her/did he really have to go to town?

And don't be rude to Mummykins??!!

I would go mad, but I think it's your DHs responsibility and him you should be pissed with, not MIL.

YWNBU from what you say, and your DH needs to grow a backbone. Assuming he asked them to watch your DCs then they were negligent, and if he didn't, then HE was! You sound far more reasonable than I would have been.

Don't worry, I'm fuming with DH too.
I know what MIL is like and should have checked when I heard her inside.
Luckily Dd was fine and seemed happy enough, but she had no way of getting into the house if she'd wanted to.
DH just reiterated that I need to apologise to his mother. Frankly he can piss off. I'm tired of being told I'm over protective in comparison to his family. They have this kind of posh person neglect thing going on. Apparently they were all left alone for long periods and have turned out fine...

My MIL is like this. Just couldn't understand why my DC weren't allowed out in the garden on their own.
Garden is open to the 60mph road
Also large pond

Stick to your guns op, yanbu

yanbu. I'd have had a massive strop at that.