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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Perhaps not AIBU but are people in general BU to be fat and happy?

41 replies

AdmiralData · 23/08/2013 18:36

I only ask because a friend of mine who is a larger lady recently started a diet, she announced it on fb along with hourly updates of what she has eaten and how slim and healthy she feels now. She has also started being extremely rude and judgey about fat people when she KNOWS that our mutual friends are larger ladies (and happy). I think I'm just annoyed at her insensitivity but is it unreasonable for larger people to be happy?

OP posts:
Jovellanos · 23/08/2013 18:38

You don't like this friend very much, do you OP?

ChestyNut · 23/08/2013 18:48

No it's not.

Trills · 23/08/2013 18:49

Is it reasonable to be fat and happy? I guess it's fine.

Is it reasonable for people to go on about their weight (fat or thin)? No.

Lj8893 · 23/08/2013 18:59

I think its reasonable for people to be happy with themselves whatever thier weight.

I don't think its reasonable for somebody very over or under weight to be happy with thier health though.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 23/08/2013 19:01

Larger lady for that YABU.

MisselthwaiteManor · 23/08/2013 19:03

Of course they're allowed to be happy.

MrsLouisTheroux · 23/08/2013 19:06

Your friend is being an idiot. YANBU

MrsLouisTheroux · 23/08/2013 19:07

What's wrong with 'larger lady'?
Large(r) woman/lady. That's what I am!

wordfactory · 23/08/2013 19:08

In a world full of whiners, I'm only too pleased to spend time with anyone who is happy!!! What your friend is showing is a ghastly lack of imagination and manners. I'd ditch.

wonderingsoul · 23/08/2013 19:14

i think your find that shes doing it as a protection thingy.. if she looks down on thouse larger than she wont be tempted to slip back in old habbits and gaining weight.

annoying, yes.. should you have a quite word.. yes maybe.

ditch her.. no...

LanguageTimothy · 23/08/2013 19:14

It's a ridiculous question - but you know that.

I'm 4 dress sizes smaller than I used to be. I'm exactly the same amount of happy.

I am healthier though.

People who are very focused on something, losing weight, stopping smoking etc often get very boring evangelical for a while.

It will pass.

Original poster
AdmiralData · 23/08/2013 19:15

Thank you everyone especially wordfactory for telling me what I actually wanted to hear!!!

OP posts:
Suelford · 23/08/2013 19:19

It is reasonable to be happy and fat.

It is not reasonable to be happy because you're fat ("real women have curves", "skinny bitches", etc).

Original poster
AdmiralData · 23/08/2013 19:19

In my defence she has been slagging off every shape, size, colour and creed of human being for a while and I've been itching to discontinue this 'friendship' for weeks.

OP posts:
LanguageTimothy · 23/08/2013 19:39

Oh well in that case... Feel free.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 23/08/2013 19:42

Tell her I am fat and very depressed (not just about my weight, but partly about that and about being judged by charming folk such as herself) - that should cheer her right up.

TheSecondComing · 23/08/2013 19:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
AdmiralData · 23/08/2013 20:32

I am fat and happy, not lying to self, sorry >:}

OP posts:
coffeeslave · 23/08/2013 20:50

I am fat and happy! And arguably healthy - I lift weights 3 x week, yoga once a week and do a conditioning class once a week. I do eat a lot but I eat a pretty balanced diet.

I realise plenty of people will think I'm not healthy, but my blood pressure & resting HR are normal, so I'm content with that.

Original poster
AdmiralData · 23/08/2013 23:29

coffeeslave Good for you! I can sprint when the occasion calls hehehe

OP posts:
PosyNarker · 23/08/2013 23:37

I think Suelford hit the nail on the head.

I think what a lit of people don't realise is that you can't fight a battle on multiple fronts and hope to be successful. For many fat people, that might not be their top priority to deal with. Should they be unhappy while not tackling weight if they are otherwise living or working towards the life they want? That's bizarre.

I've been fairly overweight btw (BMI 32) and also a size 6. Personally I'm not truly happy with my physique when at my heaviest but that doesn't mean I'm not generally happy / can't be happy. I prefer to be smaller but we're here for a short time, so it doesn't seem sensible to put happiness on hold or pending a smaller arse Grin

PosyNarker · 23/08/2013 23:39

Oh and my current BMI is 29, I can run 10k and bench press my not inconsiderable body weight Grin. My chain-smoking size 8 cousin oddly can't do either of those things...

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 23/08/2013 23:46

I am fat, but my weight is the least of my worries and has nothing to do with my happiness (or lack thereof)
I'm unhealthy, which is worrying and upsetting, but if I was thin I wouldn't be very much healthier, if at all, and I certainly wouldn't be any happier unless, as well as being thin, I won the lottery and several other major things miraculously changed in my life too Grin

Sophita · 23/08/2013 23:49

If you have to keep telling the world how you feel via facebook, then it's probably fake - applies to everything from 'I'm so happy' to 'We're so in love' to 'Oh Woe Is Me'

So YANBU to be fed up of her updates!

Sophita · 23/08/2013 23:52

(sorry posted to soon BUT she might be feeling more insecure than she lets on about her new programme - I remember feeling really weird as I lost a bit of weight - I was suddenly visible in ways I felt uncomfortable with, I was worried I'd be setting myself up for a yo-yo cycle forever, paranoid that I didn't actually look that different in my mirror etc etc - so if she used to be a good mate, I'd give her a chance to calm down)