To feel frustrated with another unwanted gift?

[ChickenLickenSticken]

DM keeps making things for us - clothes for DD, room decorations, artwork etc. We've never hinted or mentioned we want such things, and unfortunately they are never to our taste or style.

DSDad has suggested she asks us if we'd like these things and then perhaps we could have some input into colours or design but she doesn't.

I know this sounds dreadfully ungrateful but it's really hard to handle as DM is very sensitive and overreacts to any form of criticism.

She's just text me about the latest thing which is huge personalised wall thing. Just not very us I'm afraid.

Part of the frustration is her making this is because its about her being wonderful for making it rather than us wanting it. So we end up looking ungrateful and horrible and frustrated because its this ridiculous situation where I can't say anything.

"she has said that she finds it hard to create to order"
So basically she just wants to impose her taste on you. THat's what she's really saying. You have to stop regarding this tat craftwork as 'presents'. They're not presents, they're infiltrators!

I agree that you have to just look her in the eye and say 'thanks, but no thanks'.

And stop regarding her as "very sensitive". She isn't. Sensitive people are sensitive to the needs and desires of others - she is stunningly blind to yours. What she sounds like is overbearing with a preference of guilting her victims. Because no-one wants to hurt the feelings of someone who's sensitivvvvvvve.

This does my head in. Getting someone large pieces of artwork that they haven't chosen is inconsiderate.

MIL used to do this a bit when we first got married and she did not know me very well

so she would ask DH what colours I liked then buy something in completely the wrong shade, (think pastel lilac instead of deep plum/aubergine or lime green instead of bottle green) that I could not wear without looking 50+

when we moved house she bought us a new tea service to match the décor in the dining room - someone else's colour scheme that WE were about to change ! (and it was not a nice pattern anyway)

personalised stuff that has taken a whole lot of time and effort is a different kettle of fish though, as it is very hard to re-gift or get rid of.

oh and some ideas to channel her energies - does she knit or crochet? SCBUs always need stuff (blankets , hats etc)- also lots of charities accept home made blankets for overseas.

Can't you just accept it gratefully, if a little unenthusiastically, and stick it in a cupboard / loft? Isn't that what everyone does with lame presents?

I got round a similar problem by proactively "comissioning" things in colours and designs I liked. Eg: a crocheted king size bedspread. Advent calendars for the kids. A cross-stitched alphabet sampler.

Tell her there's literally nowhere to put it? Sorry if everyone already said that.

Alanna1 I'm not the OP, but you are clearly better at "commissioning" than I am. I think my last conversation with our family crafter went as follows:

Me: "So the new colours of DD's room are lilac and spring green. You said you could might be able to make her a bedspread or wall hanging? Here are some lovely and very expensive fabric pieces I found and ordered online from America. Aren't they beautiful? Look how pretty they are! DD loves them! What do you think? Would you be able to make her a bedspread using these, please?"

Family member: "Oh, this fabric would be wonderful for something I'm making for my aunt's-mother's-brother's-cousin's-great-nephew's baby. Thank you! As for DD's bedspread, I was thinking I could make her something using this red football-themed fabric, it's her DDad's favourite football team, you know!"

Me: Speechless. Bangs head against wall, repeatedly.

Two months later I handed over fabric requesting something for DS's room. The conversation went along similar lines. Aargh!

I have actually considered going to evening classes so that I can make the bloody stuff myself!

My mother does this. We don't want a cross-stitch picture of a rather scary clown for the children's room, nor do we want an A4 cross stitch of a floaty Indian squaw and a dream catcher for the living room. The only thing we have ever asked for in cross stitch - something relating to DH's work - has failed to materialise. Thanks for that, mother

My mum does cross stitch things for us and blankets too. Fortunately I like it all!

Don't know what to suggest. Are you sure she wouldn't just rather be told you'd prefer something different?

My mum bought curtains for one of our rooms. I asked her to take them back as funnily enough I like to pick my own curtains!

where you've hit the nail on the head....

My DM got a sewing machine for Christmas 2011. She's a good seamstress and wanted to make me some clothes.

Great- I asked her for a smart dress I could wear for work. I ended up with a beautifully stitched dress that looks like the sort of thing a servant girl would wear in the Victrian era... And TOTALLY unflattering.

So I said it was lovely and thank you so much (and decided to just never wear it... MISTAKE! I now have two more in different colours

Luckily I got pregnant and couldn't wear them (I never did wear any of them to work, just for a photo at home)

She has since started knitting, and DS has enough little cardigans and jumpers to last him for years (literally, she's just finished one for Winter 2014!) Fortunately DS looks or gorgeous in everything so I'm encouraging more knitting (and no more sewing!)

I feel your pain OP.

Eek!! Poor you! I want to see pictures!!!

My mother in law bought me SO MANY BABY CLOTHES when I became a mother. I'm incredibly picky in this department and have a very particular view on how I want my kids to be dressed. She would buy like a TWELVE PACK of some twee pajamas and then say look, you don't have to worry about pajamas anymore!

Years on, my complete lack of enthusiasm has finally filtered through her consciousness and she doesn't really bother anymore.

LOL at the Victorian dress. Did it have an extremely high lace neckline? giggle.

Poppywearer, I'm giggling at your post too.

Red football fabric. The mind boggles.

"family crafter". Hilarious!