to not go to bbq because of hostility towards my dad?

[whethergirl]

I avoid getting involved in family feuds, or taking sides, even when my own parents are involved.

However, when my dad tried to contact my cousin recently, she sent a message through her sister to deal with his query, because she felt 'uncomfortable' talking to him. My dad was quite offended, and quite rightly so I thought, as my dad does not know what he has done wrong and although he has invited her to talk to him about it, she has declined.

Now the sister has invited me to her sister's (sulky cousin) bbq this Saturday. Sulky cousin has since been on FB asking me if I'm still veggie so she knows what to cook.

Like I said, I don't like to take sides or get involved or fall out with anyone unnecessarily. But I do feel uncomfortable going to this bbq, it now feels awkward, and I think my dad would be quite hurt too.

On one hand, I feel I should go to show there are no hard feelings and to build a bridge between my dad and cousin and not make things worse. Also, by not going, it might be taken as a bit of a statment, next thing you know, me and cousin are 'not talking' and we find ourselves following in the footsteps of the previous generation, where family members have fallen out for years.

are you a veggy? if you are then don't go, you wont miss much :P

You could always go, as you would have gone if everything was fine and this mysterious falling out hadn't happened, then just ask your cousin outright about it - say "oooo what on earth has my dad done to upset you so much? I heard you wouldn't speak to him but nobody knew why not?" and look all enquiring, and see what she says.
Maintain an amiable grin and stay totally calm as though it's no big deal and you just can't imagine what all the fuss is about, and then go from what she says. Plan responses beforehand too - well as far as you can, if she says X you will say Y iyswim.
And then come back and tell us all about it

^^^^^ agree with above poster!!

I've decided not to go, can't be bothered with it all!

What was your dad's original query? It all hangs on that really!!

If it was 'Will you let me feel you tits?' then fair enough, if it was 'Should I bring pork or beef sausages?' then over-reaction!!

Maybe they wanted to talk to you about it?

It's odd that your dad hasn't got a clue as to why she's 'sulky' with him. It's up to her who she talks to, but she must have told other people like her sister.

Could it just be her not wanting to talk to someone she doesn't know very well?

What was he trying to contact her about?

My dad was contacting my cousins regarding a property that he co-owned with their late father, and is now in the name of their mother. My dad would like to sell the property, as does the mother, and the other two cousins (her siblings), but apparently sulky cousin would rather not.

My dad contacted one of the cousins (sulky cousin's brother) and asked for sulky cousin's phone number to talk to her about it too, he then passed on the message that she was uncomforable talking to him but that he could email her. He emailed her but got no reply.

Is she trying to avoid a confrontation?

She's in a situation where she's got to tell your dad something she knows he doesn't want to hear. With email she's got a bit more control and won't feel she's going to be railroaded into anything.

How long have they co-owned the house? If it's not long, is she just not ready to part with it just yet?

Was your dad going to try and change her mind with the call (if he knew she doesn't want to sell)? That could have put her off if he was.

I agree with agent that it sounds like she wants to avoid a confrontation on the matter and has more control via e mil.
If you like her, and you have a preference for staying out of your DF'a business then go to the BBQ.
If she is generally a bit sulky or you'd be going in order to look fair handed then decline.