To tell friend not to bother actually.

[Alisvolatpropiis]

Ok I am genuinely annoyed and might need some perspective on this.

Close friend has been complaining for a while that she misses spending time with me and dp (all get on well). Invite her round for dinner tonight, is agreed she will come rooms straight after work to save faffing. Finishes at 5, works 15 mins away from where we live.

At 5:45 I give her a call to see if she's been held up at work. No. She was on the phone to the bloke she was seeing, now meeting friend for a drink. Meant to text me but forgot.

I feel a bit narked at this point, not least because she was pleading poverty earlier on in the day. She eventually offers the explanation that other friend has split with her boyfriend and is quite upset. Ok fine. Friend then tries to get me to invite other friend round. I don't on the basis she can't eat the meal planned and it would be a bit awkward for my dp to meet her for the first time when she's upset.

I tell my friend we had planned to go for a drink before dinner but hadn't been able to due to her not actually letting us know when she would be arriving. She apologised and said she would be with us soon.

This was an hour ago. She is still not here.

AIBU to think she is being incredibly rude and to want to tell her to not bother coming round at all?

I appreciate other friend is upset. I would be less annoyed if friend had just said "look can we reschedule, she's in a bad way" than leaving me hanging.

How rude is she !!!!! I wouldn't bother again.

We had the same thing last night with DH's parents, who are visiting from another country. When we enquired as to their whereabouts they said 'oh with x and so and so has dropped in.' So DH said 'ok, well let's leave it because the children need to go to bed.'

10 minutes later they storm in and DFIL tells DH to apologise for being rude

DH said 'Err...you want me to apologise for you being late?'

So there you go. Unreasonable people will respond unreasonably when they are being unreasonable

My freind did this to me when my first DC was a week or so old. I was the first to have a baby in the group, girlfriends all coming round to coo and see the baby, bear in mind how life changing the first is, freind rings, can she bring some male freind who's having a tough time so wants some company tonight? I'm still sitting on a cushion with my boobs constantly occupied with baby, no I do not want a strange bloke coming along on what's basically a girly evening. I did say no!

I think YAbitU (unless friend has form for mucking you around) - if you were due to eat dinner at, say, 7pm and friend came round in time for dinner instead of having a drink out with you first, that doesn't sound so bad, if the reason for coming later was to cheer up an upset friend

Rude not to tell you in advance, though

And I think her claiming to be skint is irrelevant - for all you know her friend may have bought her a drink. Even if she paid her own, one drink isn't so expensive, if it's to cheer up a friend

wow. spectacularly rude.

She's gone now. She has form for doing similar before.

I told her I was a bit annoyed and she was apologetic

She really is lovely it's just we seem to have different perceptions of what is rude and what is not.

She is not your friend when she treats you as a Plan B to what is going on in HER life RIGHT now. (obviously, unless a genuine emergency).

She was complaining that she hadn't seen you?

You made the effort. She didn't "get it".

I'd be cooling the friendship, me.

Some people just don't get what's rude as long as they're alright, Jack. BIL and wife are a bit like that. We once had them round for dinner with other BIL. It was served lateish cos we were doing lots of different dishes. Just before 10pm while everyone was still sitting at the table chatting and drinking they both stood up and said "thanks for the food, we're off to meet friends in town for someone's birthday." Not a word had been breathed about this prior to the evening or even during the evening but I kept hearin whispers between them about how it was getting late. I just felt like they turned up, ate our food and then left.

Recently it was SIL's birthday so we went round to see her and give her her card and birthday stuff. She had gone out. Not for anything important, it could have been done at another time and she knew we were coming. DH's brother seemed a bit embarrassed by her absence, as well he might. Mind you, he is not much better - he once kept a whole table of hungry kids waiting at a family meal booked in a restaurant - MIL refused to order the food till everyone had arrived and of course BIL turned up really late, by nearly an hour, without phoning to warn anyone or offer much in way of explanation.

I just think that with some people they have their "me world" with them and their activities in it which takes priority and they don't deviate much from what they would normally do - everyone else has to just fit in around them. I don't think they even realise that it IS rude and bad-mannered. Maybe because people never say anything to them?