To cancel going to an evening wedding do in favour of friend's party?

[rumbelina]

We have accepted invitation to evening do for not-close friends but at the time I didn't click that the date was the same day as friend's birthday and that it is a milestone birthday.

So of course friend is having party on the same day. No crossover, different cities. Friend is in home city and is good friend although we don't see each other as often as we'd like. If it wasn't a milestone I'd go to the wedding but I know how much effort it will be for her to be child/baby free and she will go to a lot of trouble.

WIBU to retract the acceptance? And if not, do we just come clean or do we need to embellish it a little to make it seem less rude - eg say that friend changed the date and I'm helping so committed...? Or something.

[rumbelina]

Actually, yeah, some people didn't even let me know they weren't coming to my day do!

I'm quite laid back about this sort of stuff though, wouldn't bother me in the slightest and if it was someone I really wanted to be there they would have been at the day do in the first place.

Groom is old but not close friend of DH. Actually he turned down our invite for someone else's wedding but we knew they were closer friends anyway.

Ehric & Vivi - yes, need to just keep it simple I think. And will send a present like Balloon said.

[specialsubject]

it is two parties, neither more important than the other. As you clearly want to go to one more than the other, don't go to the wedding - make a polite excuse and send a gift.

if it is a big do then it makes no difference, as long as you politely cancel in advance.

[racingheart]

I agree that it's OK to back out of the wedding if you are honest about it. Just say you completely messed up as you';d not spotted it clashed with a friend's milestone birthday, that you were very flattered to have been invited but as this is a very close friend, you feel it would be wrong to miss her party just because you got your dates confused. Send the apology with a bottle of champagne. Job done.

[mynewpassion]

Does the evening do include a meal? If it does you need to cancel asap. Its rude but send a very nice gift fot the hassle.

[ShakeAndVac]

So basically you said yes to the wedding invite then want to backtrack and pull out now you've got a better offer.
It's not a case of mixing up your dates as someone said. You didn't have any birthday invites lined up when you accepted the wedding invite.
YABU.

[Xmasbaby11]

Go to your friend's do. Contact the bride/groom asap and apologise profusely for double booking.

[rumbelina]

Sigh. It's nota better offer - I knew friend was having a birthday do and that I would go. I didn't click with the dates. It's not a case of deciding which do I will enjoy best. Probably the wedding do tbh. I don't even know what friend has planned (as am avoiding her until we've resolved this).

I had a lightbulb moment last night as I looked at it from another angle - who would it mean more to, me being there. And it is friend by a country mile. And technically I accepted the invite almost a year ago when we were discussing said birthday :)

[froken]

Yanbu.

What does your dp think about the plan? Could he go to tge wedding alone and you go to tge party?

[rumbelina]

Update - in case anyone's interested.

After all that we finally agreed to go separately to the two do's. Not ideal (because of train and childcare faffing) but felt happy that we weren't letting anyone down.

Then friend moved birthday meal because a few other people couldn't make the date.

All that stress for nothing - but at least it has all worked out in the end :)

[Blondeshavemorefun]

Nice to have updates. Many op's don't

Though did you tell wedding couple that you couldn't go and now you can as other arrangement got cancelled?

They may get offended .....

But glad all sorted and you can go to both as a couple

[rumbelina]

No - they are none the wiser :)

Oooh a tennis ball!?