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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate the office whipround?

58 replies

aliasjoey · 22/08/2013 11:51

AIBU to hate the office whipround? I just can?t afford the apparently continous stream of demands for contributions for leaving gifts, retirements, birthdays etc. This month there has been someone getting married, and someone who?s just had a baby. Last month there was a big retirement do.

I probably am Being Unreasonable, because of my previous experience. I used to work in a large office. Whiprounds were frequent (even if the person was actually going to one of our competitors) and on the day itself there would be an extravagant ?presentation? with cards, gifts/flowers Cake and speeches. I had more money then (pre-children!) and used to happily contribute. Then my position was made redundant after 10 years. I was in a strange role which didn?t properly have a manager, the closest thing to it was a woman who was not really my boss. She didn?t really ?manage? me though, and she was also away on my actual leaving day.

So throughout the day I waited for the presentation. The ?We will miss you? cards and the Flowers. The speech. I may even have prepared my own speech. Nothing happened. Nobody even spoke to me. I know it was just unfortunate that my ?manager? didn?t think to arrange it, but I walked out and burst into tears.

Fast forward to current position. It?s a smaller office, but similar thing (although we don?t do the speeches!) I do wonder if by the time I ever leave, as people more frequently move jobs, there may be no-one here who has been here very long to arrange mine!

I feel resentful of being asked to contribute. I feel guilty if I don?t. So yes, IABU but I obviously still have ?issues? from my old job.

OP posts:
LadyFlumpalot · 22/08/2013 15:00

We have a opt out system at our place, a couple of people on my team have opted out and it's no issue. They don't get asked for contributions, but then they don't get a collection for their birthdays either.

There is one chap who is very vocal about not wanting to contribute, but he is always the first to start eating the goodies bought in by the birthday celebrant.

I'm feeling a bit guilty now as I went on ML last Friday and my boss organised a whip round so I apologise if any of you are my colleagues! Grin

expatinscotland · 22/08/2013 15:01

If it that out of control I'd be inclined to have a word with the office manager. I have worked in offices where they were so out of control they had to be banned.

I'm the assertive type, though. 'No, thank you. I can't afford it just now,' does not cause me a lick of discomfort to say. What does make me uncomfortable is having £20 to payday and knowing some git guiltripped me out of money I could have used on my kids.

SPBisResisting · 22/08/2013 15:08

"Our office is pretty bad in that it has a LIST of all employees names on the collection envelope so you can't even pretend you've seen it, as your name won't have been marked off!!"

Ours do this. It goes round with a list attached. You tick to say you've seen it and contributed as much or little (or nothng) as you want. You sign the card or you don't. I don't see a problem with it.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 22/08/2013 15:15

That's OK as long as you can tick the list and sign the card without contributing (say if you're a bit skint that week !) - but the don't pay can't sign mentality does annoy me a bit, especially when one time I didn't have a real opportunity to contribute (it was for a Guide leader - so a once a week thing IYSWIM) and I felt I was made to feel bad about it/ left out by the organiser (because I'd not made more effort to hand in my contribution)
You know, it's a "life's too short" kind of thing !

Lweji · 22/08/2013 15:19

In my previous work, we'd get around with the collection envelope and card and each person would contribute whatever they felt like, often not even in our presence. Then we'd see how much was there and buy accordingly.

I don't like the system at current work where they attribute a contribution to each person.

Maggietess · 22/08/2013 15:23

I like some aspects of my current team where whoevers birthday it is bakes/brings in buns/choccies/treats.... Not loads just a couple of tubs. Then you only spend once a year on your own birthday and everyone says who brought the lovely treats today and comes over to wish you many happy returns.

What I don't like is depending on who you are friends with sometimes someone having a baby will get a bunch of flowers paid for by the department, other times a card, other times nothing... Unless you have someone at senior level who remembers you. Bit random, not very nice to get nothing when you've seen others get.

Lottapianos · 22/08/2013 15:28

We used to have a good system in our office. Everyone's birthdays were written on a list on the wall. You bought a pressie for whoever came next after you on the list - maximum spend £10. The person before you would buy for you. This way everyone got a pressie but you didn't have envelopes shoved in your face every week.

magicstar1 · 22/08/2013 16:46

I only give if I like the person leaving...if I don't I just say that.

Mia4 · 22/08/2013 19:38

YANBU, it always made me uncomfortable and I felt i have to put money in-despite not even really knowing them.

I also hate it the other way around too. In my office now someone provides a card and people are meant to buy something themselves if they want too-no collections. The last two times I've sent around cards to sign, with a poststick saying no collection as a reminder, some lazy mofos people have put in and I've been unable to find out who so have had to race around to find a pressie for that person from 'all of us' that night. Even more annoying is if I'd wanted to get a present-which incidentally I had- I'd got myself weeks ago

HamletsSister · 22/08/2013 19:44

Say, no thanks, I prefer to do my own thing. Then bring in a card / home made cake or not. This works really well because you can spend or plan for people you genuinely care about, and not for others. Also, if yo use joy gift giving, it allows you the pleasure of choosing something perfect. Sometimes, the gift you remember when you leave / marry etc is the one chosen by a friend, for a friend, not the whip round one.

As an aside, a friend and I both left the same place, but years apart, me first. Only later, when comparing leaving gifts, did it turn out she had put a considerable sum for mine and I had been given a plant pot. The organiser had pocketed it. Some digging and we found it she had done it every time. Beware.

ginmakesitallok · 22/08/2013 19:53

In our place we've stopped doing whip rounds for birthdays (unless they are big ones) instead one of the secretaries keeps a birthday book and a supply of cards. About 6 years ago my birthdate was wrong, so I got a card about a fortnight late. I pointed out the date was wrong and haven't had a card since. Can't say it bothers me. It was my birthday yesterday, no card again.

Mmmbacon · 22/08/2013 20:18

We do weddings x and leaving in our office, one envelope, you can come up to desk and pop in whatever you want, card is brought around to everyone in the office at the time, do you could contribute and not sign card if office appts mean you are not v there, we do lovely lunch then for the person, some bake cakes etc, and others them spend 2 or 3 pounds on salads, breads, meats, cheese, crackers etc, then we have huge buffet grab what you can when you can, we had one last week for colleague who is going to college he was chuffed boss gave a lovely speech about how proud we are of him, wished him well and we collecte enough money to buy him a laptop,

Lorelilee · 22/08/2013 20:46

In our place it's always the same people that contribute - always makes me wonder how the 'refusers' will feel if they get nowt when they leave! Also, why should you expect to sign the card if you don't contribute? You end up with a situation that you have a fiver for a present and 20 names implying they contributed!

SPBisResisting · 22/08/2013 20:56

A laptop? !

redexpat · 22/08/2013 21:00

DHs company has a fund that you can pay into. If you're in, then you get gifts from the company for weddings, babies etc. If you're not in, you dont get anything. I rather like it. You know where you stand one way or the other and there's no continual stream of requests.

OwlCat · 22/08/2013 21:08

In my first very poorly paid job after university, I spent nearly a year contributing a specified amount (can't remember what it was but it seemed a lot at the time) to birthday collections. A couple of weeks before my birthday, it was decided that the collections were getting out of hand and would be stopped. I wasn't impressed, so complained, and still got my present! Can't believe now that I did it Blush

JugglingFromHereToThere · 22/08/2013 21:12

"it's always the same people who contribute" Lorelilee

Well, maybe it's always the same people who are broke Sad

Either it's a present from everyone, contribution or not, or just let everyone do their own thing I reckon.

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 22/08/2013 21:12

In my first job the whip rounds seemed to work well. You just popped in whatever amount you wanted to contribute, if anything. It was all anonymous. No one ever got missed out whilst I was there.
In my last job it seemed to work in the popular girls favour, but never mine. No Birthday gift, get well soon or new baby gift. When I went back after maternity leave, on my first day I was asked to contribute to a new baby gift. I said "No! No one bothered for me so why should I?!"
Queue cats bum faces all around the staff room.
From that day on I only contributed to collections for staff I liked (people that went out of their way to help me etc).
I think they should be banned!

LovesBeingOnHoliday · 22/08/2013 21:14

Do you get to drop into an envelope or do Tgey note what you give?

SPBisResisting · 22/08/2013 21:18

Ive never been in any job where people saw what hou gave. Envelope passed over, put in whay you lkke

BaronessTeapot · 22/08/2013 21:20

I always take a day off on my birthday. I hate any fuss and don't want to receive cards & pressies.

I don't mind contributing to collections of people I know well. I just ignore any others.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 22/08/2013 21:23

Also, say with Secret Santa it kinda annoyed me that they were given out by the managers as though a gift from the company, when really they were gifts to each other from staff members.

< bah humbug Grin >

BaronessTeapot · 22/08/2013 21:29

I usually hate Secret Santa but last year we agreed to all get something from the Pound Shop - it had to be as tacky as possible. We then put it in a bag for a lucky dip (so no personal digs!).

It was hilarious. I received some tattoo pens Grin

vintageclock · 22/08/2013 21:32

I don't mind collections for major events, as long as there's no prescribed amount. I do get irritated if I'm expected to contribute to a birthday gift for someone I'm not particularly friendly with. I have also worked in places where someone moving up a flight of stairs would get a present. To be honest, I'm often down to my last tenner the day before payday and really find it embarassing if a circulation envelope is shoved in front of my face; particularly if it's a last minute collection and they need all contributions that day.

nkf · 22/08/2013 21:32

Even worse are requests to sponsor people. And office dinners at Christmas.