To think time is more important than presents?

[woodlandwanderwoman]

.. My brother and SIL live in the next town, have no kids (not trying at the mo they say) and have not seen DS since last Christmas when he was 6mo apart from half an hour under great duress at his 1st birthday party. They have no other nieces / nephews and are in their 30s.

They gave DS v thoughtful Christmas and birthday gifts, but aibu to wish that actually they just wanted to spend a little time with him? DS has more than enough toys yet he doesn't even know who they are.

We see them occasionally every 3-4m when they aren't "too busy" in the evening but it really upsets me to think that DS is probably going to miss out on what could be a fun and loving relationship with his uncle and aunt, or at the very least I don't have the confidence that they will make DS feel like he is part of a wider loving family (I have no other siblings)?

Sometimes it makes me so sad .

YANBU to feel sad about their lack of interest. I have a similar family situation only ds is older and DB has children of his own now too, who I love to bits. Still not in the slightest bit interested in DS and he really only sees his cousins through the grandparents. It hurts, especially as his father also has no interest.

Did you see them more regularly before DS arrived?

I know this going to come as a shock, but your baby really is only exciting to you, not everyone else.

People tend to develop relationships when the child is older, more interesting and can be used as an excuse to go to the zoo or park .

how much general socialising do you do with your family? If you don't invite them over then they aren't going to habitually pop in.

Babies can be baffling to those who have none; in my family interest picked up considerably when the kids could talk and were more predictable.

Yanbu
My not-so-d bro has always been like this with my DCs. Says he will be more interested as they get older. Well ds is 15 and thinks his uncle is a twat and dd1 is going the same way. Dd2 is 3 so she's still too little to interest him ( ie challenging because she doesn't sit quietly and listen to him talking about himself)
However yababitu as at least you get gifts. My bro has bought Christmas presents for my DCs once. Otherwise he just gives money. And he has never once bought birthday gifts for my DCs.

To be honest I think you're being unfair to them. They are in their 30s, do they work?. Obviously after work isn't going to work out. So would you like them to commit weekends, not see their friends, do their hobbies, spend time together. Your baby is still only about a year? I'm not sure what you envisage you all doing.

I have 3 kids, I think they're fab but I'm not sure I'd be spending my free time with them if I hadn't actually given birth to them.

I know you may wish for a large extended family (I have one of them, not as great as it sounds), but it's hardly their fault you don't have any siblings.

There could be plenty of reasons why she hasn't come to see your DS. I had a miscarriage a five years ago and I still find it hard to be around kids who are the same age as my DD would be if she was here. DP has a DD of that age and it is hard because I think that I should have my DD here too. Of course I don't show it to her (and she's a lovely girl) but it doesn't make it easy.

Also, young babies really aren't that interesting to people who aren't their parents. They eat and sleep and don't really do a huge amount. You may find they come to visit more when he's more active and is walking/talking.

sorry any other siblings

Thanks guys, it's disappointing more than annoying, I really believe extended families can create a wonderful environment for kids to grow up in and feel secure. We invite them over regularly in the day as we have gp etc here but they never come unless it's the evening.

Waltzing Matilda, thanks for reminding me that DS is not all that, really helpful comment and I appreciate your taking the time to make it .

A visit once or twice a year isn't too much to ask though really and I am very conscious not to be one of those parents who forces their kids on others. I do believe though that everyone gains from strong family units and thought DB felt the same way as that's how we grew up.

I agree with everyone that kids (yes even my own) are more interesting as they get older, I think parents of any toddler will agree though that 18m is a very funny age!

Molly you're absolutely right and did get me thinking, it's up to DS to decide how he feels about it and actually the best thing I can do is try not to unfairly influence that just because I wouldn't treat his kids like that . That's why mn is great sometimes, I appreciate it everyone. Hope you all have great bank hol weekends and those with equally uninterested family members are also blessed with ones who do treat your child like their own. xxx

Also I absolutely appreciate ttc problems that might be behind this but do know they are planning to start later after some other changes so I'm sensitive to this but pretty sure it's not the reason.

DS is no longer a baby in that admittedly pretty boring to other people sense, he's walking, running, giggling, climbing, drawing, learning and starting to talk so is a bit more interesting even if he can't play cricket yet!

DS is 18mo and they last saw him when he was 9mo... I think it will be Christmas before they see him again (because we will all go to gp!)

Wiggles - just to clarify it's my brother and his wife. AIBU to think 10 mins drive for a quick coffee and play once in a blue moon wouldn't jeopardise their marriage, friendship and career prospects? Just a bit of interest, not best playmates would mean a lot to us and over time a lot to DS. likewise we make a big effort to be interested in talking about their jobs and friends if we do see them evening.

Wonderland, sorry you went through what you did, especially as people do get into 30s you can never take their situations at face value and I'm sure it means a lot to DP that you try so hard not to let it come between you xxx

I got that, that's why I apologised and corrected it.

To be honest, I just think you're overthinking it a bit, maybe they've had a busy run of it.

Do you offer to pop over to them, meet somewhere in their town?

Does your son see grandparents regularly, what about your husband's side.

I see my friends and their kids more than I see my brother in law and their kids. I don't love them any less but it's just how timings, interests etc work out

Very true, I do over think it but I do try not to expect too much. I will do as someone else suggested and have no lower expectations then won't feel let down! Yes hubby's side are amazing, but that's because they make a little time (an hour once every few weeks?) feel like a lot, DS loves them. There is an art to that right!

He's the only grandson so yes gp are adoring. It's not the comparison to other family members though, everyone is different and we feel very lucky that they want to take such an interest. Anyway, off to enjoy the rain, thanks for all the replies everyone xxx

I think you should read about love langauges. It might explain a lot.

Once they have their own kids, they will be more involved naturally. You can show them how to be an aunt or uncle.

Take your kid to them in the mean time or ask them to babysit a bit. Give them opportunity to bond.

Thanks retro, best advice yet.. We tried the babysitting angle... Massive fail :-) .. Your other comments spot on, I really appreciate it xxx