To want to help this girl but not know how?

[PenguinBear]

I want to start off by saying I do not want to offend anyone and do not mean any offence by this post, I just want some advice.

There is a girl who comes to the church... She's 19 and suffers from mental health problems (not my guess, she has said this herself). A few people have also said they think she might possibly have have ASD.

The issue is, she smells really awful. It is a very strong odour, like a very extreme version of a sweaty teenage boy in a football shirt (you that smell they seem to create!) I have a very sensitive sense of smell and it
Makes me gag.
Her nails are filthy (toenails too) and her hair always looks greasy. I think it's her clothes as well as her body as ice seen a few pictures she has posted on Facebook where you can see the carpets and they are absolutely filthy.

My 'mummy brain' wants to take her home, let her have a shower and wash all her clothes. I know in reality this is not possible. Plus I only see her twice a week and don't know her very well, we are different generations and rarely chat. (she hangs out with some of the young people).

She lives at home with her family so even offering to help clean the house is not an option.

What can I realistically do to help? Is there anything or do I just have to leave it? A few of the other mums have mentioned too, although we are all at a loss as to what to do.

Any advice appreciated, even it it's just 'breath through your mouth and be quiet'

That's lovely of you. Not sure I can suggest anything. Do her parents come to Church? Is her mother around? Can you talk to other churchgoers discretely to discuss sensitive ways forward? Is there a female chaplain or assistant?

If she lives with her parents then you have to keep quiet. They will be aware of her smell and if they can't help what makes you think you can?

I'm not sure if her mum has noticed tbh, she goes to another local church. Her mum lives in the dirty house with her so maybe she wouldn't notice the smell!

An older relative of mine left school at 14 and went to work in a factory. She'd been there about two months, when one of the older women said to her

"you've a lovely smile sweetheart but not for much longer if you don't start brushing those teeth of yours"

My aunt was mortified. Her own mother had never drilled home the importance of good brushing (and general hygiene probably). But as embarrassing as it was, she says she was always grateful to that woman for telling her.

Not that my little anecdote will help you much, but it just reminded me

It's a tough one- I have had to tell someone that they smelled bad before, but that was as their line manager and I pretty much had to. I may possibly have wimped out I hadn't!

Vicks rub under your nose & buy Olbas oil tissues for the smell (got me thru horrendous morning sickness)

Have a chat to church leader (vicar etc) and see if family needs help as a unit perhaps?

You sound so very kind, sure you'll find a way of being a friend to this poor girl. I hope that you're in it for the long haul because it sounds as though she may need a real friend for a long time.

Ate there others in your church who know her and could perhaps share the load?

We need more people like you in this world.

I think Doing's on the right track. Approach your church clergy about it.

Thank you, I shall contact the minister's wife :)

Do you think it would be better to contact them as a group or just as an individual and ask them to do the same?I think they'll listen more if there's more of us saying the same thing!

I'm going to sound holier than thou but ... render thy hearts and not thy garments unto the Lord? It sounds as though you can't offer this girl any help without involving the entire family which could cause trouble.