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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How much do I charge my son rent?

19 replies

Angelique47 · 21/08/2013 15:28

Angelique47 Wed 21-Aug-13 15:22:16
Hiya.. This is my first time on mumsnet. I have recently had my partner move in after being a lone parent for many years. My son is 22 and has been taken on permanently by his employer. As my partner isn't his father how much is a reasonable rent...it's quite difficult as I have no comparisons and want to be fair to every-one. My son is on the minimum wage...my partner has a managers wage and I am a volunteer. Please advise. smile

OP posts:

Tee2072 · 21/08/2013 15:30

Where did you copy and paste that from?

Are you charging your son or your partner?

Either way...market value for your area for a bedsit or similar.

Mabelface · 21/08/2013 15:32

25% of his net pay.

BuskersCat · 21/08/2013 15:34

Depends on where you live?

Justforlaughs · 21/08/2013 15:34

You're brave - mumsnet and rent? Run now!

For me it depends on how much rent you need off your son to make ends meet/ cover his costs and how much he will save off his own bat.
I think that £200 a month is reasonable for him to have left in his pocket AFTER rent and savings have been deducted, so go from there. We take £60 a month off my 20 yo DS (which is MINE - what we lost in child benefit when he left education) and then a further £340 which is saved for him for when he leaves home. He know has £7000 in savings. Some people will tell you that you shouldn't be charging him anything - it is YOUR responsibilty to support him, as you chose to give birth to him. I disagree, I think it is your responsibilty to prepare him for an independent life. Up to you whose advise you take.

KedenTTC1Cycle2 · 21/08/2013 15:38

I'd tally up your household expenses, split in 3, give a fair discount (I'm assuming it's his first job and all?), and charge him that.

I definitely think you should charge him something though. Enough for him to be cognizant of the fact he has to be careful with his pay henceforth, and also enough for him to realise he's getting a better deal than out on his own (thanks to his lovely Mum )

KedenTTC1Cycle2 · 21/08/2013 15:39

Oh and even if you don't need the rent, still charge him.

As JustforLaughs said above, you can always save it for him.

insancerre · 21/08/2013 15:39

I have always charged DS rent from the moment he got his first job. Including when he has claimed Jobseekers allowance.
He is on minimum wage and he now gives me £150 a month, which is his contribution to food, gas and electric, water, internet, sky tv and washing and ironing his clothes.
I really don't get why I should support him forever, if he was living in his own place I wouldn't be paying anything towards his household expenses- I've got my own.

runningonwillpower · 21/08/2013 15:43

Is it just me or is 'preparing them for independent life' and 'saving for them' a wee bit contradictory?

Surely, preparing them for independent life is letting them decide for themselves whether to save or not with their own money and then living with the consequences of that decision.

insancerre · 21/08/2013 15:45

it is contradictory
they need to save for themselves, I think, or come to that decision for themselves after probably not saving
its learning consequences

teenagetantrums · 21/08/2013 15:46

my son is on JSA and gives me £ 25 a week which is half of his JSA, I need the money to feed him and I upgraded the broadband for him as he wanted unlimited, He still has mine to go out if he wants and buy something, if he was working i would say 30% of what he earned, if i didn't need the money i would probaley save it for him without telling him. My mum charged us 30% of our take home pay and i think that's fair.

usualsuspect · 21/08/2013 15:46

Depends how much you need really, I never charged any of mine 'rent'

They bought shopping or contributed
towards bills etc.

But I never took a set amount each month.

usualsuspect · 21/08/2013 15:48

I wouldn't take it and save it, if they want to save it's up to them.

KedenTTC1Cycle2 · 21/08/2013 15:56

Is it just me or is 'preparing them for independent life' and 'saving for them' a wee bit contradictory?

I think it is contradictory if the child knows you are saving that money for him or her. If they don't know, then I reckon they really are being preped for an independent life, where they do need to pay their rent on time.

My DHs parents did the charge-rent-but-saved-it-for-him thing. He never knew about this. He always thought they were actually in need of his share of the rent. When he wanted to buy his first home, they gave him the chunk of cash and said "Here's your rent money from all those years". He was totally not expecting it and was very grateful.

I thought it was a pretty neat idea! I reckon I'd do the same for mine one day if circumstances allowed.

Justforlaughs · 21/08/2013 15:59

I'm saving it for him because money goes through his hands like water! and he IS going to move out before he is 30!!!
He also saves money himself if he wants anything, such as a ticket to Australia. Kids who CAN stay at home without saving/ paying anything, with everything done for them - why would they ever leave home? If I could buy a new tv every month/ holiday or whatever I wanted with no limits then I know I wouldn't.

usualsuspect · 21/08/2013 16:03

My eldest 2 both left home,dispite me not charging them rent.

I think that argument is a bit daft tbh.

mrsbeano · 21/08/2013 16:05

I was bringing home £1250 and paying Dad £200 without food about 4 years ago. They viewed this as a fair contribution and didn't save it for me or anything.

I think its a great idea to save for them so that house deposits are sorted or at least contributed to when the time comes. What an amazing surprise that would be!

If you don't need the contribution just take enough so that they actually notice it going out but still enough leftover to enjoy their youth.

runningonwillpower · 21/08/2013 16:09

To clarify, I would charge rent - the amount to be negotiated reasonably with my child.

I would not save for them. To me that is just confiscating their own money because 'I know best'. It's their money and if they want to squander it then it's up to them. True independent thinking is working out for yourself what's in your best interests.

Having said that, we all do the best we can by our children - we just don't always go about it the same way. There are no rights and wrongs, just different approaches.

KitCat26 · 21/08/2013 16:09

I think I paid about a quarter of my wages from age 18 (worked full time).

My parents worked out the outgoings and divided it by four (DM, df, dbro and me). Rent rose with inflation. It did help me realise the cost of living, so I saved as much as possible whilst at home.

usualsuspect · 21/08/2013 16:13

Yes, it doesn't matter what we do really.we all do things differently.

OP, just take what you think is enough from your DS.

Without knowing how much he earns,what his travel expenses are etc it's hard to say really.

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