To not go back to work?

[acer12]

So my maternity is nearly up and we've had to start thinking of child care
On both our wages we did fine. I all ways thought I would go back part time but after working out child care costs we would only literately be up around £130 a month ![shocked] so to have that whopping £130 I get to lose my dd for half the week .

Dh earns just over the thresh hold for child/family tax or child minding help. We could just about afford to scrape through, but we'd have to give holidays ect up .

MIL would have her and dd loves her but she smokes like a trooper and would drive dd about while she hasn't even passed her test (that's another whole iabu!!) and can barely see! Plus I don't want her just stay with mil watching tv . I can actually see me saying no to mil causing a row as he sees it as free baby sitting.

Dh said go back and he will pay for child care but ultimately it's all out the same pot any way.

I sort of feel guilty if I don't go back, on work and dh. Dh thought I was going back full time! Dd is an ivf baby and my last baby so I want to cherish this time bit also worried about work and leaving dh to fund everything.

Help !

Why would you feel guilty if you didn't go back? They are small for a very short time, so unless you absolutely love your job or are in a job where it's hard to take a year or so out of then I'd SAH. You've said this is your last dc so enjoy some time with DD, don't feel guilty about wanting to take some time out with your child if that's what you want to do.

Don't let your mil look after her! Not just because of her lifestyle but you run the risk of mil beginning to take over and once they get nursery paid for and start school its a big gap for mil. I know not everyone's mil is like mine but I will never let my in laws look after my dc on a regular basis again. It was more hassle than help and caused a lot of family stress.

It is keeping you in employment. So as and when you need / want to return to FT work, you have current work experience, can possibly up your hours.

I would always want to cling to even a little bit.of work. The stability, independence and just a bit of time out that it brings.

Well, speaking as someone who returned after ML even when childcare costs wiped out all my earnings, I would say you need to look at the long term, not just immediate finances. Of course, if you need that extra £130 then you'll have to return. If its possible to cut back and manage without it, then you need to weigh things up

How much does your work life mean to you? Will jt be difficult to get back if you give up your post now? How does your DH feel about being sole earner, not just at the moment, but with the longer term implications if you find it hard to step back into work? Also remember to factor in that nowadays the length of time between the end of ML and the start of the free hours nursery kicking in is relatively short... So it won't be for that long that childcare costs are such a big hit

Of course it goes without saying that your MIL shouldn't be caring for your child at all. And don't take any nonsense about being guilt tripped if you use proper childcare and not her... Your child, your decision. FWIW my MIL is a really nice lady, non smoker etc and I still would rather have paid all my wages on proper high quality care.. You can't put a price on doing the best for your child.

At the end of the day it's a big decision not just for you but your DH, and clearly he rightly sees childcare costs as not just your remit, so talk it all through before making any decisions

Agree with what Ms Vestibule says, it's not just about income now, but also about future income and employability.

What do you want to do? I'm not getting an overwhelming sense either way, apart from the lack of suitable childcare.

Remember if you go back p/t and it isn't working for you, you can change your mind, whereas once you are out of the job market it's harder to get back in, particularly if you want p/t employment.

As others have said, it depends on the kind of work you do. I'm going to assume not minimum wage if you are going to be turning profit. I earn a decent part time wage and until DD turned 2, my salary was equal to nursery + commuting costs. I think it's great that your DH is going to pay the childcare - this is how we do it in our family since I'm the lower earner, and it shows your DH realises that your job is important. Keep in mind nursery fees reduce at 2 years old, and again at 3. Personally the only thing that would stop me working pt is if childcare cost more than what I earnt. Also don't underestimate how hard it is to find jobs at the moment and a period out of the workforce would exacerbate this.

also be aware, the life you have with a non-walking baby with lots of friends on maternity leave will change in the next few months, more and more of your 'mummy friends' will return to work, your DD will be harder work. Think carefully before resigning.

Unless your partner is a particularly high earner in a very stable job, I don't think it's far to put all the pressure of providing an income on one person for the foreseeable future.

I'd go back to work and pay for childcare. You have to think long term with these things, and even if its not financially worth it now, it will be in the long run.

I've just looked up the threshold for the tax credits and it looks to me like you would struggle on one wage, well... struggle either way really.

I am confused about why DH has offered to pay for childcare? If both of you are working then you should split it equally surely?

Sounds like you don't want to go back full stop but it just looks like it's going to be very hard for you financially if you don't.

Is that £130/month surplus after pension contributions? If it is then that is also something to consider. Those early years of pension contributions are the ones which grow the most.