Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To speak to my friend re her db's willy

26 replies

PMDD · 20/08/2013 18:24

Please do not think this is funny, I am seriously looking for advice. Also I really hope I don't offend anybody.

I recently went on holiday with my 2 ds and my friend and her ds. All the boys are age 7-9 so they got dressed/changed for the beach kind of openly in front of us mums. Whilst I nor my friend were 'looking' at the boys' willies, you couldn't help see them briefly as they changed.

I did notice that my friend's ds' willy was small but of course would never ever say anything at all. However, she approached me about it. She was concerned that his willy was very small.

My eldest ds' willy is probably about 3 inches long, my youngest ds' willy is about 2 inches long. My friend's ds' willy is no longer than 1 cm. Even that may be longer than it is. It is barely more than a fold of skin.

She asked if I had seen her ds' willy. I said yes. She asked if I thought it was too small as her and her dh were getting worried. I said that I really don't have any experience of knowing what was normal, small or big, but had they gone to the doctor?

She said no because if there was nothing wrong, it could give her ds a complex unnecessarily.

I said that I had thought that my eldest' ds' willy was quite large so not to compare him to her ds. I said that boys will be boys and mine were forever 'playing with their willies' and getting an erection.

She said that her son had never had an erection and never played with his willy. I asked whether when he was a baby whether he got an erection, as my boys had done every now and again. She said no.

I didn't want to worry her so said that I am sure all would be okay. However, that is a lie, actually, yes I would be worried, not just about the size but that at nearly 9 he had never had an erection, not ever. Was that reasonable as she had gone to me over a really sensitive subject and I just couldn't tell her the truth and worry her more. I think she was really concerned when she saw my 2 boys' willies.

OP posts:

purplewithred · 20/08/2013 18:27

Really difficult situation for you - but it does sound as if she will end up at the doctor soon. Just carry on being tactful but honest and supportive.

zatyaballerina · 20/08/2013 18:28

Get her to take him to a doctor, that does not sound normal at all. It requires a professional opinion.

meditrina · 20/08/2013 18:30

I don't think there is anything more you can do - if they are worried they need to talk to a doctor.

(Love the typo in the title btw - I thought there was going to be quite a different tale here!)

Bowlersarm · 20/08/2013 18:30

I wouldn't think there's much she can do about it, other than build up his self esteem in general.

MissBeehiving · 20/08/2013 18:32

That doesn't really sound very normal, she does need to take him to the Dr.

jelliebelly · 20/08/2013 18:32

You're not doing her any favours by playing this down as she is unlikely to canvass opinion any more widely given the sensitive subject matter. I think you should encourage her to take him to the doctor.

orangepudding · 20/08/2013 18:33

I think she should make a drs appointment and go without her son. She can discuss her concerns and hopefully when the Dr sees him they will be sensitive and not make him feel self conscious.

Nanny0gg · 20/08/2013 18:34

I'm surprised that a health visitor never picked up on it.

Encourage the doctor's visit,

RabbitsarenotHares · 20/08/2013 18:36

Surely the boy is already getting changed in front of his peers? Or if not yet, soon. Don't boys see each other naked in the changing rooms etc? Just think it might be an idea to address the issue now before other lads notice and start to take the mick. So yes, I think you should say something.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 20/08/2013 18:44

I think you should tell her the truth. Sooner she can get him the medical attention the sooner he might start developing normally. Other boys do notice and its not fair on the poor kid to go through the bullying or questions.

Please don't feel bad, about saying something a child's physical fearure is nothing that a parent has done wrong or a sign that the child is inferior in some way. It's a medical issue that requires attention nothing more.

DontCallMeDaughter · 20/08/2013 18:49

She should definitely see GP. My brother had this and my mum only realised when she saw another little boy's willy. My brother had to be circumcised as there was a problem with his foreskin - easily solved if caught early. Can't remember what the condition was called but a Dr should definitely have a look.

FastWindow · 20/08/2013 18:57

No need to take her ds to a gp straight away if she's worried about giving him a complex unnecessarily. If it were me I would measure it while he was asleep if she needed accurate measurement, then talk to a paediatrician. Get some expert advice before deciding whether to put the boy through an examination iyswim.

thebody · 20/08/2013 18:59

agree encourage her to take him to the doctors.

thebody · 20/08/2013 19:00

agree encourage her to take him to the doctors.

Vivacia · 20/08/2013 19:00

I think you've quite unreasonable in starting this thread rather than just saying to your sister, "you know what, I was thinking, why not get it checked out with the doctor just to be on the safe side?".

YoniBottsBumgina · 20/08/2013 19:03

If she doesn't want him to think it's a big deal she could go for an appointment alone to discuss her concerns, and then take him for a "check up" rather than saying "Right son, let's go to the doctor so he can see if your penis is normal"

softlysoftly · 20/08/2013 19:05

Vivacia I think that's unfair a lot of people use mn to get help on handling delicate situations.

I would say something. My cousin is circumcised and I think that's because foreskin was too tight inhibiting growth (don't ask why I know I have no idea! )

emark · 20/08/2013 19:06

i have two ds's with very different penis, Dh and i have been slightly worried with eldest, there is information online average penile length upto 9 or 10 year olds is around 2.4 inches slightly stretch from base of fat pad to tip.
there are a few conditions micro penis which seem to involve surgery.
I would take to doctors to check it out

IloveJudgeJudy · 20/08/2013 19:07

I agree that you should encourage her to go to the GP; however, what you said about boys will be boys and always playing with their willies and getting erections - that is not true of either of my DSs. I never saw them playing with their willies, nor getting an erection. I did see a friend's DS doing that in public and she didn't stop him. I didn't like it. I'm sure my DSs wank as much as any other boys, but they don't do it in public, thank goodness.

YoniBottsBumgina · 20/08/2013 19:24

I don't think she needs to be measuring it in his sleep, just saying it's significantly smaller than his peers and relatives.

kim147 · 20/08/2013 19:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WetGrass · 20/08/2013 19:32

In her shoes I would ask the GP if I could speak to them on the phone beforehand. Then maybe collude with the GP to present a doctors appointment as a 'growing up check up' (i.e. you'll be a teenager soon, so the doctor will check you over). The doctor will in any case check heart/ blood pressure/ eye membranes/ height /weight - so I think it would be a plausible white lie.

Even if there were follow up appointments, they could all be presented as a rite of passage (like first shave and shopping for first bra) - coupled with special time and maybe some grown up treats (like a meal in a nice restaurant with napkins, or a 12A film in the cinema).

I can see the reluctance to point it out to her DC - but the issue will only get more awkward as he ages.

carabos · 20/08/2013 19:59

DS1 had a problem like this as a child. His willy seemed very small - cutting a long story short, we went to see a paediatrician. The word he used to describe it was "tiny". DS1 was about 6 or 7 at the time.

Turned out the foreskin was very tight and we were told to make sure that he gently retracted it a bit at a time when he was in the bath - it was something he had to do himself as he could control if it was hurting or uncomfortable. The idea was to stretch the foreskin. Circumcision was not suggested and didn't happen.

He's now 27 and doesn't have any problems ( not that it's something we talk about ). I would advise a trip to the docs.

dementedma · 20/08/2013 22:03

This is interesting. Having had 2 dds, I was no expert in the willy dept when Ds came along. I used to bath him up to about age 9 and it seemed to me his willy was very small compared to my nephews or friends Ds. He also never seemed remotely interested in it nor had erections, unlike many of the threads on here about Ds always playing with themselves etc. He is now 11 and I have no idea what size his willy is but do worry slightly

OnlyMe1966 · 22/08/2013 05:22

Please advise your friend to seek a medical opinion on this.
It would be far better to have it dealt with at a young age if there is a problem.

I usually only browse the forums but I decided to sign up just to respond to this thread as I feel it could be very important and I'm going through something very similar (was going to start a thread but I feel extremely stupid even mentioning it).

Flip

1 2