Grrrr. AIBU to ask that we all apply the 'This is My Child' principles to adults as well?

[EweHaveGoatToBeKiddin]

I'm furious! Sorry for another rant on here two days in a row. Nipped in to town after picking up dd from school.

As you get off the train there's a really tiny, narrow staircase that takes you up onto the main street.

So as me, dd and around a dozen other people were going up, a wee man (late 40's) was coming down. He seemed really frightened of the crowd and was saying out loud over and over, "I just need to calm down. Please let me calm down. I just need to calm down. Please let me calm down."

Most people just hurried by him, a few laughed hysterically, and a few boys started taking the piss out of him, asking what drugs the man was on and if they could have some.

Meanwhile, the man is pressing himself against the wall, chanting away 'let me calm down', not meeting anyone's eye. He looked bloody petrified.

I approached him, suspecting he may have autism. I used some of the things I've learned with dd whilst she's on sensory overload. Talk gently, no touching, don't go to close, try to meet their eye. I asked him if he's okay and if i could help. He didn't react at all. Just kept saying 'let me calm down'. so i stepped back. A man (in his 30's) told me to get away and i 'was off my nut going near him with a child'.

Anyway, the crowd all went up the stairs and left through the door. I stayed at the top of the stairs, really not sure what to do. I hoped a station attendant would be along soon. But as soon as the crowd left, the man stayed at the wall for a minute, stopped talking, and went down the stairs and boarded the train.

I'm really bloody angry. Why is it that when someone doesn't have an obvious or physical disability, people will just assume they're either steaming drunk or high on drugs? Why are they scared to approach them? Why do they ignore them?

My dd will likely be in that man's position one day. The thought of her being laughed at or people not trying to help when she's feeling overwhelmed actually makes me want to cry.

The campaign This Is My Child is wonderful and I've already told everyone I know about it. But i really just want to use this thread to urge people to apply the campaign's ethos to adults as well.

Thanks.

I didnt say I wouldnt try to help

I actually have an anxiety disorder myself and can imagine myself saying that too, which is why I was querying the autism assumption

I didnt mean it to ve unpleasant but there are so many different mental health issues with different solutions/ no solutions sometimes even the best of intentions can have an adverse effect.

I would want to calm down by getting away from people to composemyself in tgis situation and thats all I meant.

no need to assume I am someone who doesnt give a shit about mental health

that was to badtime btw, ironic you should have mentioned anxiety disorders really

pamish just obviously said it better than me

Sorry, NotYo, I misunderstood. Your post was a bit ambiguous.

Not ironic at all, btw.

I get panic attacks brought on by OCD, and if I was unlucky enough to find myself in the same situation as the chap in the OP, I would be likely to behave in quite a similar way. And if people come over and try to calm me down by putting their hands on me . . .

But you did appear to be missing the main thrust of the OP, which is that people should be less unpleasant to adults with MH issues. I think we can both agree on that.

YANBU.

I used to work with a lovely man who had Asperger's. He was beaten up on his way into work because he was 'different'.

"Why is it that when someone doesn't have an obvious or physical disability, people will just assume they're either steaming drunk or high on drugs?"

"Because quite often they are?"

Idon't see why this should make a difference, though.
If the person needs help, they need help, regardless of their sobriety.
I was once in a train station in London, where a man was practically passed out on the steps. He was scruffy and unkempt. so he could have been homeless, and he could have been mentally ill or drunk. (I'm not making conclusions)
I saw he looked distressed, so I went over to him, stood a short way away and asked him loudly and clearly if he needed help (there's every chance he could have needed medication that he had with him, but didn't get on time etc.)
He shook his head and waved me away (not in a nasty way, but in a dazed and confused way) so I told him I was going to fetch a member of staff, and that he should sit and stay calm. Then I went and reported to a member of staff.

I couldn't tell if he was drunk or having some episode or fit, so I erred on the side of him needing help and made the authorities aware.

Strangely, I don't find extreme behaviour scary or intimidating, or even worrying.

When I was a child, I lived very close to the mental hospital, and very often, you would come across people who were out for the day, or wandering around, that were residents.

I think I just became accustomed to it, so if I see someone displaying unusual behaviour, I automatically assume that they have mental illnesses or disabilities.
I think it's probably judging, but I said above, I'd sooner assume that than assume they were pissed or high (because why would I want someone's death on my conscience if I didn't get them help when they needed it)

Now, I am dreadful at doing the right thing, but I try to be calm and ask if I can help in any way.
And I've also learned that in the case of people who do have disabilities, that remaining calm is the most helpful thing you can do - I don't want to stress someone out by flapping that I don't know what to do.

Yes would be great if we can apply it to adults as well.
It's awful how badly society treat people who are different. I have Tourette syndrome and have been verbally and physically assaulted many times. I campaign for education and understanding so others don't have to go through this.

I think the mumsnet campaign is great.

Also parents with disabilities. Both my parents were disabled and had terrible things said to them. A social worker said they only had us so we could look after them and another wanted to take us into care purely because of their disabilities despite us being well cared for. Just because someone has a disability doesn't mean they can't be a good parent.

A blind man was led to the concourse by a station attendant, and then left there. He was just left... And was calling out 'excuse me, can someone help me?'

Thank you. Members of my family have often been in that position where people have walked right on by without stopping to help. Being Birmingham makes me wonder if its someone that I know.