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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder why MIL has bought a white dress to wear to my wedding?

96 replies

Piccolobo · 20/08/2013 17:30

That's all. Any insights? I think it's very odd.

OP posts:
Piccolobo · 20/08/2013 18:00

One of friends might have a word with her. Even if I am ok with it, I agree some guests will think it's odd. I wouldn't risk that if I were in her shoes.

OP posts:
Piccolobo · 20/08/2013 18:00

He could have a word with her but she would get upset.

OP posts:
squoosh · 20/08/2013 18:03

I think as others have said it's when the photos come back, having another 'front row' guest in white will be quite distracting.

HoneyDragon · 20/08/2013 18:07

My MiL wore white to my wedding. It's a colour that suits her and she wears a lot. She looked lovely.

It wasn't really an issue, because she was wearing a white dress and I was the numpty in the big white flouncy fucker Grin

Montybojangles · 20/08/2013 18:10

Do you have a picture of the dress she wants to wear?

Sparrowlegs248 · 20/08/2013 18:15

My mum was intent on getting an ivroy dress with lace overlay. I wasn't keen! The style she had in mind would not have suited her at all. Thankfully she found a lovely colourful dress which she looked fantastic in - not her usual style at all but much better suited. The day after the wedding she did nothing but moan about it. Pissed me off.

I agree with yourhand get your df to say that!

BlehPukeVomit · 20/08/2013 18:38

If the only thing wedding dress'y about it is the colour then it really doesn't matter unless she did it maliciously.

I don't get whypeoplewould choose to be 'offended' by this Confused

meepsmum · 20/08/2013 18:43

My MIL showed me the dress she was apparently goingto wear to my wedding, hat and all. Then turned up in white satin number with same colour sash as my wedding dress. I was fuming but would never let on. I know she will have kniwn what she was doing. Mental in my opinion but they will be the ones tgat look ridiculous not yoy. If anything you will look all the more fabulous and mil will look like mutton. Mine did anyway haha.

JustinBsMum · 20/08/2013 18:46

Prime the photographer that you do not want many pics featuring her AND you. So in the future you won't remember or care.

raisah · 20/08/2013 18:47

Wear a knock out silver gown or alternatively go over board on the bridal accessories i.e long train & face veil so there is no mistaking who the bride is.

Booboostoo · 20/08/2013 18:56

My DM turned up to my wedding in a (surprise) white and lace dress that looked very much like a wedding dress. In the photos where you see a crowd and can't easily tell it's not me, everyone thought she was the bride!

Weird behaviour that tells a lot about the person doing it. I ignored it and DM didn't get the attention she was seeking. Try ignoring your MIL.

somersethouse · 20/08/2013 19:01

It honestly wouldn't bother me.

Idespair · 20/08/2013 19:05

Don't let it bother you. You will look nice, she will look like a total attention seeking idiot, guests will be talking about her.

ShakeAndVac · 20/08/2013 19:12

My MIL wore a cream suit and hat to our wedding. It never occurred to me to be offended.
Is it weird?
Now if the said outfit had a veil and a train then I might have been more pissed off.... Grin

probablyhadenough · 20/08/2013 19:14

hmm my MIL wore an incredibly pale pink suit to my wedding - it was basically white. Lots of people commented and it looks a bit daft in the photos but it didn't particularly bother me at the time.

I now see it was part of a much wider issue. She has desperate need to be Queen Bee in any given situation and the wedding day was a real trauma for her. Her behaviour towards me and our marriage has got worse and worse....Just sayin' OP - you have been warned!!

appletarts · 20/08/2013 19:16

She's being a bitch. Sorry but it is one fashion rule everyone knows about. She knows it's not on and she's doing it anyway, sad really.

appletarts · 20/08/2013 19:18

Oh and as someone who has to put up with all sorts of weird crap from MIL because she's 'get upset' my advice is start how you mean to go on and tell hubby to tell her it's not protocol and she's got to get another dress.

FrankelInFoal · 20/08/2013 19:24

If you are not bothered then I wouldn't worry, but other people will judge her for wearing a white dress to someone else's wedding.

I remember reading horror stories from other weddings including the Groom's mother who wore head to toe black to the wedding and sobbed through the whole ceremony before proceeding to tell everyone at the reception that she had "lost her darling boy" Hmm

lovestogarden · 20/08/2013 19:25

Does the often wear white? My very sophisticated and lady-like aunt mostly wears white (wouldn't last five minutes on mucky me). Although she hasn't worn white to a wedding.

probablyhadenough · 20/08/2013 19:27

Yep, I agree with appletarts. This can be a slippery slope - start as you would like to go on and get your df to challenge her. If he won't do it now in the midst of pre-wedding adoration, then he certainly won't do it further down the line.

lovestogarden · 20/08/2013 19:27

I worked with someone who was at a wedding where the grooms mum turned up in funeral gear (complete with black veil) and wailed throughout the service.

pictish · 20/08/2013 19:27

It wouldn't bother me, but I think other people will raise their eyebrows.

ShirazSavedMySanity · 20/08/2013 19:27

My Mum found a beautiful, perfect dress fr my brothers wedding recently - in white. It was stunning, very appropriate for her age and 'mother of the groom'

I talked her out of it. Yes, it was lovely, but there are a gazillion other shades and colours out there.

My worry was the photos - there would be two people in white.

MrsKoala · 20/08/2013 19:35

If you wear a different colour to white you run the risk of what happened to my friend. She wore a coloured wedding dress (knee length) and a guest wore white broderie anglais and everyone thinks she is the bride in all the photos. Everyone who see's them says 'wow you look amazing' (guest is a model) and friend says 'erm no that's me there' and they say 'oh, yeah, err...lovely..'

APipkinOfPepper · 20/08/2013 19:41

My mum wanted to wear a cream dress to DB's wedding (with coloured shoes, belt, jacket, etc) as she had found a lovely cream dress that really suited her. I suggested she check with her future DIL first, who (not unreasonably) wasn't happy. So she got a different dress and wore the cream one to a differen function instead.

So YANBU to not want her to wear a white dress, but she might just not be thinking, in which case she won't realise unless you (or someone else) tells her.