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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Anniversary tomorrow

22 replies

emanjay · 20/08/2013 10:53

Tomorrow is our 20th Anniversary. I am trying to prepare myself for the disappointment. Big anniversary imo but I know there will be no present, no flowers. Need your support as can't really talk to family about it. He has booked the day off but not planned anything.

OP posts:

MortifiedAdams · 20/08/2013 10:55

Hmm....do you know for certain there is nothing planned? Has he taken the day off because it is your anniversary?

Could you not suggest something to do?

DH and I both forgot our second wedding anniversary and I cant see us bothering with the rest. We have been together many many year longer than we have been married so markibg the weddig day for us never felt tgat important.

flowery · 20/08/2013 10:58

Are you getting him something?

It's DH and my 15th anniversary tomorrow and I know neither of us have got each other anything. We're on holiday at the moment and off for a nice day out with the DC tomorrow which is fine for me.

I think I'd probably want a bit more fuss for 20th though - we had a weekend party in a big house with loads of friends for our 10th - but then we'd plan it together to make sure we were "in synch".

Original poster

emanjay · 20/08/2013 11:00

I have bought a cake. If I don't suggest anything he will just carry on like its a normal day. My lovely mum always brings flowers and I think it should be him that buys them. Used to do romantic things but that disappointed after a few years

OP posts:

flowery · 20/08/2013 11:05

"can't really talk to family about it."

Can you talk to him about it though? More important than being able to talk to family about it I'd say.

ImATotJeSuisUneTot · 20/08/2013 11:09

Just ask him what you're doing tomorrow. If he says you've no plans, make plans. He's taken the day off - don't waste it!

Original poster

emanjay · 20/08/2013 11:14

think I'm just fed up of always having to plan and suggest things. Also had our ADHD son 24/7 for 5 weeks now

OP posts:

waltzingmathilda · 20/08/2013 11:36

In all seriousness, why are you focussing on one day?

I'd rather have the man who is attentive every day, makes a cup of coffee, runs the hoover round, does the dishwasher and so forth than one who does the grand gestures once or twice a year. We pay no attention to anniversaries at all, birthdays are a bit hit and miss too. But if he was a lazy sod who didn't pitch in everyday, I suppose I might think an anniversary was important.

celticclan · 20/08/2013 12:54

We don't really do anything for our anniversary. If you want a fuss made perhaps you should tell dh that you want to go out. Not everyone is big on romantic gestures.

ImNotABarbieGirl · 20/08/2013 13:34

Happy Anniversary

I think you need to tell him you want to make a fuss of it this year! I say this as a hopeless romantic married to a (very lovely) emotionless robot.

Bowlersarm · 20/08/2013 13:42

We don't necessarily celebrate our anniversary. Some years we do, some we don't, it just depends how busy our lives are in any particular year.

Like Mortified there was one year we both just clean forgot. It was two months after the event, and one of us remembered. Oops.

Plan something lovely for you both to do.

Cakebaker35 · 20/08/2013 13:43

Talk to him. Ask him what you're doing tomorrow, tell him you want to do something if you do and make some suggestions! Don't sit there waiting for disappointment, make sure it's a nice day by planning about what you'd both like to do.

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 20/08/2013 13:44

The thing is that if he hasn't been the type to make an effort over the last 20 years, he isn't likely to suddenly start now.

My DH is not romantic and I wouldn't expect any grand gestures from him because its not his style and not mine either tbh. We would discuss plans though and decide how to celebrate together.

I think if it's important to you to celebrate an anniversary, you do need to take the lead. But why has he booked the day off if he isn't planning anything?

earlymenopause · 20/08/2013 13:49

I don't know many people who do anything for their anniversary tbh. It's just 1 day a year and it's 365 days that count. Not saying every day has to be perfect but if the majority are good and you love each other then 1 specified day a year shouldn't make a difference.

leobear · 20/08/2013 13:54

I always get flowers or whatever for our anniversary, cos I tell my husband exactly what I want and where to get them!! Men aren't mind readers! I could sit around being all huffy because he would definitely forget, but what's the point in that??

ExcuseTypos · 20/08/2013 13:58

Just say to him 'what shall we do tomorrow? 20 years is a great achievement and we should celebrate it'.

Justforlaughs · 20/08/2013 14:04

Tell him that you want to do something special, arrange a babysitter and go out for a meal/ overnight stay/ day out as a family or whatever.

Original poster

emanjay · 21/08/2013 21:53

I suggested somewhere nice for ds, so we went there and ds had a fab day. Dh got me some shower gel from e bay. Its been in the computer cabinet a couple of months and he handed it to me in bubble wrap that it had arrived in the post in.

OP posts:

littlewhitebag · 21/08/2013 22:09

It is our anniversary on Saturday - 28 years. We will have a very ordinary Saturday although we may exchange cards. It is the every day things which count not just the anniversary. If you ant it to be special then you can make it happen. Men (in my experience) tend to be a bit crap at this!

Revengeofkarma · 21/08/2013 22:16

My experience is that men will do anything to make you happy ONLY IF THEY KNOW WHAT THAT IS! So you say "it is important to me that you plan something to note our anniversary." He can pick and choose what that is, but at least he knows.

Women who go "but shouldn't he just KNOW?" A) drive me crazy and b) have only themselves to blame. If you want something, ask for it. If you want him to guess what you want, pull up a chair you're going to be waiting a long old time.

Revengeofkarma · 21/08/2013 22:28

By the way, and quite seriously, it is my anniversary tomorrow (4th). Originally DH said "let's skip it - we just paid for holiday, etc.". I said it was important we did something, even if it was just little. He agreed. Next thing I heard was a panic that the local Michelin starred place was booked for six months! But he has booked somewhere else as a surprise. I'm pretty positive I know where - where we go often and enjoy it and where we had our wedding reception. Small budget, but we are doing something. Ad we wouldn't have if I hadn't asked/said.

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 22/08/2013 00:44

I just tried to think when our anniversary is, and I can't remember - it's in April, but I would have to find the actual wedding certificate to tell you the day...
Not sure if I actually have a point but, well, is it really worth getting yourself all upset about? And why does your mum bring you flowers? was she that glad when you left home and got married?

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/08/2013 02:16

You sound so flat, tired and miserable. Are you? If so, is it the anniversary or everything that it means? Or other stuff. You mentioned your DS, it must be hard with no respite.

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