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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be constantly worrying that I am doing things 'wrong' for my baby?

40 replies

emeraldgirl1 · 20/08/2013 09:52

She is 5m and though I was very anti any kind of GF-style scheduling for sleep, naps etc (no criticism of those who like Gina, it's just not my instinct) we have somehow in the past couple of weeks fallen into quite a structured pattern with daytime naps etc. It works BRILLIANTLY for me as I have started work again (from home) and I can ACTUALLY GET BITS OF WORK DONE while she naps!!!

BUT I am getting a lot of flack from family (mum and MIL)and one particular friend who think I am being 'rigid'.

FWIW these naps have come entirely 'from' DD herself, she naps for two separate half-hours (almost to the minute) in the mornings, 2h40 over lunchtime (again, I could set my watch by her, she stirs after 40min then goes back to sleep) and a catnap around 5pm for 20 mins or half hour ish.

She seems to be getting the right amount of sleep for her, she is crying less and is more relaxed. It is a bit of an imposistion on some activities at the mo though as she really does need that lunchtime nap in particular. I am trying to make things less 'rigid' by sometimes making sure I am out and about (with my laptop) for the long nap so that she sleeps in her pram etc, I do want her to be flexible and not a baby who will ONLY sleep in very certain conditions.

Of course the current situation helps me; I don't have childcare and can't really afford it so of course it is a massive help that I can work while she sleeps.

But I am feeling as if I am imposing something on her for my own benefit, my mum in particular has made it ve clear that she thinks "all this daytime sleep" is silly and controlling, I hear again and again how her children only ever slept for 20 mins twice a day as babies (am not exagerrating) as though this is some badge of honour and the only way to do things. I really feel worried now that I might have accidentally stumbled into rigidity (!) when all I really wanted was some semblance of loose routine and some end to the chaos. But DD seems to be a baby who likes routine, albeit one set by herself (I hope!!!!)

Am having a major wobble and feel like am buggering up parenthood and putting work first :(

AIBU or is everyone else??

OP posts:

TheNaughtySausage · 20/08/2013 10:35

YANBU, you've done nothing wrong at all! Following your baby's lead is fine, if you're both happy there's no problem and your dm is probably just a bit jealous behind her rose tinted specs!

You're doing a grand job. Have some

FirstStopCafe · 20/08/2013 10:38

YANBU you are doing great

appletarts · 20/08/2013 11:20

Enjoy it while it lasts!

maja00 · 20/08/2013 11:26

DS found a sleep routine at about 6/7 months - he needed a nap every 3 hours, and would either sleep an hour in the morning and 2 in the afternoon or 2 in the morning and 1 in the afternoon.

I would put him to bed on the dot of 3 hours and he would roll over and go to sleep without a murmur. I never had to leave him to cry himself to sleep.

Once I realised how well that worked, of course I stuck to it! Why wouldn't you do something that suits your baby? Luckily he would sleep anywhere - cot, my bed, pram, sling, sofa - so long as I stuck a dummy in at the right time

He was a baby/toddler who liked routine - so that's what we did.

Original poster

emeraldgirl1 · 20/08/2013 12:17

Thanks so much everyone!

It's v easy to doubt yourself especially when you have bossy opinionated control freaks in your life but I need a bit more courage of my convictions. Or rather, DD's convictions, because these amazing daytime naps are all her choosing!!

I do know it won't last... at which point my mum will gleefully point out that she knew she was right about not needing that much sleep...

OP posts:

maja00 · 20/08/2013 12:33

It might last - DS remained a good napper and was still sleeping 3 hours in the day at 2 and 1.5-2 hours until almost 3.

Phineyj · 20/08/2013 12:45

Wow this sounds brilliant I had to mark a load of exam papers a few months back and I would have killed for such a convenient pattern enjoy while it lasts and ignore silly friends and family with a breezy 'works for us'.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 20/08/2013 12:50

Next time, invite her round for a drink , keep baby up and wait for the "shouldn't she be in bed now ?" :o

Original poster

emeraldgirl1 · 20/08/2013 12:56

:) :)

I have had her say, "are you SURE she's tired enough for bed?" as DD sat squashing her fists into her eyes and yawning at 7.30pm... only to then have her moan about my sister's kids who "stay up too late" ...

OP posts:

ImNotABarbieGirl · 20/08/2013 13:13

I agree with everybody else. Don't second guesse yourself. People seem to thik that once you have a baby its fair game to wade in with their opinions, advise, pearls of wisdom ect.

Follow your instincts. Make informed choices and follow mumsnet golden rule... smile, nod, ignore. Its what's got me through

MiaowTheCat · 20/08/2013 13:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrslyman · 20/08/2013 13:20

If DS1 was still 5 months old then I'd be so that I wouldn't be able to post .

When he was small I read something along the lines of it being good to be in a routine, but quite hard to work to a schedule.

I'm not actually sure why routines get such a bad press from some quarters, don't most people not matter what age, do the same things at pretty much the same time most days give or take the odd exceptional occassion.

mrslyman · 20/08/2013 13:21

Oh and by the sounds of your mother if it wasn't this it would be something else (good luck with weaning )

OKnotOK · 20/08/2013 13:46

If your baby is happy, and you are happy.....is there a problem?

YANBU...every child is different and this is working for yours.

Tell them all to bugger off!

purrpurr · 20/08/2013 14:04

Sounds wonderful to me, Op. In my relatively short experience (3 months) as a mum I can say it appears parenthood is an open invitation for a barrage of shit advice. I've lost count of the number of times we were told to take DD to the Drs to discuss her 'sleeping issues' when she was less than a month old and sleeping like, well, a newborn. Then the recommendations to feed her water started. My GP very calmly put that one to bed for us. My Mum's most recent pearl of crap is to feed 3 month old DD baby rice, it never did her babies any harm, she did it from 3 months. She even had us believing for about an hour that they do actually make baby rice for babies that young. She's good, my mum, at the crap. We checked it out after and confirmed it was crap of the highest degree.

Sounds like you've got it sussed - it's a situation that suits your baby first and you second, don't guilt yourself out, you didn't engineer this to suit your own evil purposes, pause for evil laugh and chin stroke, no, your baby demonstrated clearly what she needed and you went, oh, you need this? That's fine with me. What's wrong with that?

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