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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be worrying about Christmas already

14 replies

annabanana84 · 20/08/2013 08:48

Dp and i are childless. since I met dp two years ago, we've always spent Christmas (e.g. The meal and evening buffet) with his family.

We do always spend a few hours on the morning with my
Mum, then return home for a few hours before going on to dp's parents.

Now last year, my mum was alone for the majority of the day as her husband was at work, and this year may be the same. I've raised the idea of having Christmas at my mums this year and he wasnt keen at all. I don't blame him really. My mother is toxic and dp dislikes her for the way she uses me. She's a very selfish person, and all the past years I've spent Christmas there, prior to meeting dp, it's been very boring. She hogs the tv remote and barely says a word all day. Dp's parents is more exciting. They talk to me, and make Christmas day really family orientated, but of course they are the in laws and I can stand them in doses of about 2 hours. A whole 8 hours on Christmas day gets too much and I end up dreading the next

In an ideal world, dp and I would visit each of our families In the morning, then go off home in the afternoon, and have our dinner just the two of us, then dp would go to work in te evening and I can pig out all alone...bliss! But dp's brother died a few years ago on Christmas day and it would absolute tear them apart if dp wasn't there. On the other hand, my mum is going to be alone, but the thought of spending it with her makes me feel like I'd rather eat my own vomit.

What can I do?

OP posts:
SillyTilly123 · 20/08/2013 08:51

Would your mam not be able to come to the IL's?

ICanSeeTheSeaFromHere · 20/08/2013 08:53

Could you offer to host Christmas at yours and invite both families?

Champagne breakfast for you and DP then everyone over for 3pm?

LadyBryan · 20/08/2013 09:08

I'd offer to host Christmas yourself and have both families to you

thebody · 20/08/2013 09:08

^ this ^^ ICanSee.. excellent idea.

chanie44 · 20/08/2013 09:09

I agree about taking mil to the in laws, or hosting Xmas yourselves (you could say that you really want to have a go at hosting it). Or, suggest you have Xmas dinner in a restaurant for a change.

girlywhirly · 20/08/2013 16:10

Christmas lunch at a restaurant with your mum, which limits yours and DP'S time with her a bit and she will have no alternative to talk to you with no TV there. Then she and you go off to your respective homes and you and DP go to the ILS later. If she doesn't like the idea, that's her choice but she will have to cater for herself.

But if she acts as if she isn't bothered whether you're there or not, why are you staying so long? Surely popping in for a quick coffee and exchange of presents would do even if she won't go out for lunch? No wonder her husband goes to work if she's so awful.

Cakebaker35 · 20/08/2013 17:31

All go to a restaurant, then you can all slope off back to your respective homes for a relaxing afternoon/evening. Limits the amount of time you have to spend with them plus really nice no one has to worry about hosting.

specialsubject · 20/08/2013 17:38

if it wasn't for the loss of your brother-in-law I would say book a holiday and go away - it's only a day and the sparkly stuff is for the kids.

given that, the time limiting suggestion of a restaurant sounds excellent.

or perhaps your mum has made her own bed and it is now time to lie in it?

StuntGirl · 20/08/2013 17:39

You don't "always" have this routine. You've done it twice Grin So much leeway to change things up and do what you like.

Dackyduddles · 20/08/2013 17:44

Right, is this the one? Might u marry? If so however you handle stuff will unfortunately set the tone til end of time.

If I were you I'd set Boxing Day for rels and Xmas day for you. How you do that is up to you, enjoy!

redexpat · 20/08/2013 19:28

Have them both over. You'll be amazed at how well behaved they are when the other parents are there. And make sure there are games for them to play. Taboo is quite a good one.

LaGuardia · 20/08/2013 19:33

I have volunteered to work on Christmas Day this year, thus avoiding all the family/in laws/remote control crap. Perhaps you could do the same, OP?

Bearbehind · 20/08/2013 20:19

Slightly Confused at the fact you used the word 'always' twice in your post referring to a 2 year long relationship. That'll be 2 Christmases you've done this then, ie once more than once.

Tell your partner what you want to do and come to one arrangement. Sweating stuff like this in August is madness.

marriedinwhiteisback · 20/08/2013 20:33

MIL will arrive for at least one week about 22/23 decemeber. She (PIL used to come but died) has done this for 25 years now. Two Christmases when she didn't: one when ds was 2 and we went to my mums (awful - her home is perfect) and once when my dad was dying. She showed off on both occasions. She has two dds of her own.

We got into the habit of going to my mum's for new Year chRistmas a rest very early on.

Rods and own back springs to mid OP. Set the tone, don't make it a habit (bitter).

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