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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

Mother in Law

10 replies

Meles99 · 19/08/2013 23:00

Am I being unreasonable by banning my MIL from seeing her only grand child ? Since my daughter was born, I have done nothing but fall out with my MIL. This resulted in me shouting at her in frustration. The more I mull over what she has actually done for me, the worse I feel. I have over reacted totally and can't bring myself to say sorry to her. She has done so much for us both including paying for our wedding when my family contributed nothing. She has also bought us a huge amount of stuff for our baby and that is where my problem lies. My own family have done absolutely nothing for us and I think my resentment towards my MIL stems from this. My guilt over my own family manifests itself by me disliking what my MIL tries to do for us. My friends tell me I have the MIL from heaven and have told me to go and seek help just incase I have some form of post natal depression. I hate myself for feeling the way I do but feel unable to make amends for my unusual behaviour. Anybody else out there who has had similar feelings and what did they do to get over them ?

OP posts:

EweHaveGoatToBeKiddin · 19/08/2013 23:03

You haven't really said anything in particular that your MIL has done wrong. Could you be more specific?

Just by going from your OP, it appears your misplacing the resentment you feel for you family. Your directing it at your MIL just because she's there.

Is it just your MIL you're feeling worked up over? How are you coping otherwise?

MumnGran · 19/08/2013 23:05

You have the sense to have recognised that you are not reacting normally, so yes I do really think that you should go to see the GP and talk about PND.

Sit down, and write a letter to your mother in law. saying pretty much what you have said here. Start it with a first line that says "I am so so sorry"

And end it by telling her that you have an appointment with the doctor, and would like to talk it through with her afterwards.

I hope you start to feel better soon.

emsyj · 19/08/2013 23:09

Agree you should seek some help in case you have PND. And talk to your MIL, she will be kind to you if she is a nice person and you are honest with her. This can be resolved, recognising why you're acting this way and vocalising it might be enough to address the problem.

DrDance · 19/08/2013 23:12

it's a good idea to consult your gp re PND however you might just be feeling embaressed . What I mean by this is now your a mum you're sort of realising what a mum should be, and if your own let you down your going feel double defensive and even your MIL trying to do the right thing will bring up so many mixed emotions . You'll be fighting tooth and nail to prove that you are a good mum and you need no-ones help or guidance.

This is common and normal, and it is ok to feel like this

WinkyWinkola · 19/08/2013 23:14

Maybe also ask your mil to hold off buying so much as well. You may feel a bit beholden and that not comfortable either.

Original poster

Meles99 · 19/08/2013 23:16

Thank you both. My resentment towards her has resulted in her ending up in tears and over the silliest little things. I can't seem to stop myself from saying the nastiest things to her. She actually lives over 200 miles away and really puts herself out to come visit. Me banning her has caused enormous friction between me and my hubby as he loves his mother hugely. To say I am mixed up and confused is a huge under statement. My MIL loves us and supports us, so why do I feel this way? I have decided to visit my GP as I cannot go on feeling this way. I do hope that I can return to my pre-birth days when everything was dandy. Wish me luck.
Thanks. Melissa

OP posts:

smearedinfood · 19/08/2013 23:18

How old is your child? I remember my first year, I was bloody tired and MIL was having a long awaited first grand child.

I like her now.

Original poster

Meles99 · 19/08/2013 23:24

My daughter is nearly 18months old. I too get tired, but,as my hubby doesn't work, he does his fair share of caring for our daughter. He is always telling me that I am over reacting and to accept my MIL for what she is. Deep down I know he is right and that only goes to fuel my resentment. Am I being totally stupid here ? GP here I come.

OP posts:

DrDance · 19/08/2013 23:37

No you are not being stupid

You say your husband is not working, does that mean you are working and out the house? I'm asking because you might be feeling like you are the least connected person their with your daughter timewise......but do you know what .you are her MUM and that means more than anything

Original poster

Meles99 · 20/08/2013 00:22

DR Dance....neither of us work and that is where some of of my problem lies. I know I have too much time to think about problems that do not exist. I start off with a minor niggle and end up with a nightmare of a problem to deal with. I feel everyone is against me, even my hubby sometimes. Tell me I am paranoid and I will probably agree. My MIL is a very easy target for me to vent my anger at and she often gets the sharp end of my tongue. I know I am being unduly unpleasant towards her but cannot help myself. I prefer to blame her rather than accept that the problem might lie with me ! I am too proud to admit it though. I am hoping that my GP can get me some help before things get beyond a point where they will be irrecoverable.

OP posts:

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