To become increasingly fed up with SIL

[CuppaSarah]

To give a bit of background, me and SIL live about 10 minutes from each other she has a 4 mo DS, I have a 6 mo DD. Despite how grumpy and bitchy this is I do love her, she's a lovely person but my god she can be annoying.

Anyway, with the situation above as you'd expect we see a fair bit of each other. About once every couple of weeks. But since babies got involved I've felt a real change in our relationship. It's lots of stupid little things, so I really can't tell if I'm being quite petty and precious or if she is being a twat. I like to think she's being a twat.

There's a lot of competitive parenting going on for starts. With a 2 month gap between our DC right now that's a huge difference. But of course her DS does everything DD does. It's all silly things, like when DD was pretend standing, her DS could do the same, poor lad couldn't hold his own head up yet and it was just bobbing about. There's a lot of daft things little things like that.

She also constantly is skyping me to tell me about his latest achievement. Usually something like he sat up for 10 seconds or he did a poo after 5 days. I don't tend to do the same, doesn't strike me as something she needs to know. It's just not me and if I'm totally honest I'm getting to the point where I really can't be feigning interest in it anymore.

She's also said some things I've found quite insulting. Like telling me I was a wimp for going to hospital at 2cm dilated, as she only had paracetamol at that point. Implying if I had just tried harder I wouldn't of needed ventouse. That DD is stubborn because of how I treat her. I put the birth things down to the fact she was induced at 38 weeks due to complications, I figured since I was lucky enough to go into labour spontaneously she may have felt insecure or a touch envious.

Our plans are always very much on her terms. If I arrange something, the day comes up, I hear nothing from her, get into contact and she just casually mentions she's not doing that now. I don't really mind if she changes her mind, or can't make it, I really really don't. It's the fact she tries to ignore it and just doesn't turn up and doesn't even say anything that pisses me off. I'd do something else if she told me, but by the time I know it's not happening it's too late.

Apart from the flakiness which it's pretty obvious she IBU. Am I being petty or is she BU? Or do we both need our heads banging together?

I think it just sounds like you spend too much time together and both need to indulge in the company of others.
I find people, no matter how lovely, so irritating when I spend a lot of time with them.

I read it back and think it all sounds very sibling rivalry. She doesn't have a sister of her own, but I do. I can see some parallels in there. We do have our own social circles who we spend more time with. I think she might benefit from some baby groups. They knocked the competitiveness out of me from the first session.

I think you need to see less of her - stop making plans and just ignore the skype. If you don't indulge this, eventually she will find someone else to get competitive with.

You have my sympathy. It 's hard when you have a friend like this, who just doesn't 'get' that not everyone else cares about her child the way she does.

I love my friend dearly but she is also someone who continuously boasts about her child's every achievement. Her child is lovely, but so are most people's children and my friend doesn't quite get that everyone feels that their own dc are wonderful and special and that most people are just not that interested in every single little thing her own child says/does. I let it wash over me because she is genuinely lovely in many other ways, but my mum says it would drive her batshit if she had to listen to it all the time.

Her friend is currently pregnant, in the third trimester too. Hopefully once her DD is born SIL will just be competitive with her. Supposedly her friend is very competitive already, so it may give SIL some perspective on things.

I do find her so tiring. I find it so hard not to get snarky too. Like when she told me 'Not to be big headed, but every time we go out, people come up to us and tell us how cute he is. I mean I know I'm biased but how can ALL those people be wrong?'

I just wanted to introduce her face to the wall at that point.
I'm glad you guys are confirming my suspicions. I fully expected to be told I was being very precious. Yay me!

You live 10 minutes away from each other yet you Skype, why?

Make yourself less available because this competition will get more intense as the kids get older, who's crawling first, who says their first word and when; the list is endless.

Also, why don't you say ' are you meaning to sound so competitive about our kids ' and get it off your chest, will she sulk?

oooh I don't know if she would sulk. I think she would probably get defensive and change the subject. I may try that, I wanna get it out the way before it gets too intense like you say.

We skype because we used to live 2 hours away, so it's habit. Now I think about it, it's a bit daft now. I mean it's fine for leaving a message on for later, but silly for conversations now.

Sorry I read that you live 10 minutes from each other.

misread your OP, apologies.

It's bad enough when my completely awful SIL rings, I really don't think I could cope with her skyping me! She'd be able to tell I'm lying when I say the doorbell's rung or my mum's on the other line or I need both hands to get something out of the oven or have to get a child from Taekwondo or any of the other hundreds of excuses DP and I have come up with over the years to get her off the line.

Seriously, just make yourself gently less available and abandon her friend to her fate....

There's something about Ubercompetitive people... they frequently end up bringing an unexpectedly competitive streak out in otherwise non-competitive people and a very unpleasant and awkward dynamic results. The ordinarily non-competitive person is left confusedly acknowledging their own competitiveness and losing faith in their own judgement as they ask themselves whether they can really judge the competitive person if they are in fact just as bad/ competitive themselves.
The only way out of the tiresome cycle is to withdraw and detach. Difficult with a family member, I'll grant.

In truth it really is just the flakiness and competitiveness that I dislike. he herself is a lovely person and a good friend. I think seeing he less socially and not skyping is gonna strike a nice balance. Oh I just remembered another classic line from when she had decided to be more laid back than me(I'm pretty uptight and organized I'll have you know)

'Is it a bad thing I'm SO laid back?'

She clearly isn't laid back at all or she wouldn't give a rat's arse about whether her ds is more advanced than yours.

I have 3 ds's but I'm under the impression that girls reach milestones quicker? [all of my friends had boys too, didn't see many girls until nursery], imagine the scene when your dd is talking before hers!

She'll be lying awake in a cold sweat.