to ask him to pay for holiday club?

[MadMadamMim]

First post in AIBU - please be a little gentle!

XH works full time, I work part time. We have two school aged children. I use all my annual leave to cover the school holidays. This year when I changed jobs, I had to pay for additional care, so paid about £200 for a weeks' worth of childcare.

XH has just told me he is taking a week off in October to go on holiday without DCs. I have explained that as he gets the same amount of leave as I do, if he's going to take time off during term time he will need to cover the cost of the additional care for the time he now won't be able to be off for the holidays.

Getting married next year, and have taken two weeks for our honeymoon. Have asked him to take two weeks to look after the children while new DH and I are away. Obviously, I'm prepared to cover the childcare costs for the two weeks I won't be able to take during the holidays.

For the three years we have been seperated, I've never taken annual leave during term time. (He took a week last year in October and went abroad, but didn't tell me about it till much later) So far this summer I've taken three weeks off - he's had them for 11 days. There's three days of these holidays left which I haven't been able to take time off for, so I've managed to arrange for my Mum to have them for me.

AIBU to ask him to take equal responsibility for the holidays? TIA

Absolutely, but I'm confused as to how you're going about it. It's not really your business that he's going away in October. What you have to do is divide the holidays in a way that's fair - or that matches the terms of your separation agreement, do you have anything formal in place?. How he covers it is his business.

So if you normally have the children 40:60, he has them for 40% of the hols. If he can cover that with leave, great. If not, he has to pay for the childcare costs. When he goes on holiday isn't your business though.

Surely the easiest way would be that any holidays that either of you can't cover (or get family to help with) you split the cost of down the middle?

Unless you have a 50/50 split over residency, that is the down side to being the RP. I would also say that you should be able to budget within maint for childcare. And I will be shot for this one; you have a new partner who will be a step - in loco parentis - cant he take any holiday?

Surely the easiest way would be that any holidays that either of you can't cover (or get family to help with) you split the cost of down the middle

this ^^ - I have an agreement with my ex - in the summer I take 2 weeks off - he takes 2 weeks and I pay 2 weeks holiday club - any extra weeks (like this year he's only taken one week off ) he pays for

TALK to him

Thank you all - we have talked it through and have managed to reach an agreement. Think I just needed to see if I was being unreasonable or not.. Thanks!