to ask if you think this is unreasonable...

[Devilsadvocateishere]

Some of you probably think I am a bit unreasonable to post this, but I will keep this as anonymous as possible. I just wanted to see what most people think they would do?

If you no longer wanted to be with your husband/partner and had been seeing someone else, would you move out into the other man's house with children or go and find your own place to save the husband's feelings?

finding your own place to save the childrens feelings would be better .

I would say, where are the children's interests in all of this? How would they cope going straight from household with father to household with new man (even if they know/like him)?

Almost certainly, pretty badly, no? So find own place to help children manage the changes, make transition to living with new partner gradually if at all.

I think you should find your own place to save your children's feelings.

Find your own place. Difficult enough time for the children without having to cope with a new bloke immediately.

I wouldn't move my children in with someone else. They would need to get used to not having dad everyday.
I don't think I would consider ex's feelings at all.

moving straight in with another man is awful

two choices: you move in with other man alone and leave children with dp/dh

you find your own place for you and your dc

Just popping back in to say it's not me btw...it's someone else and it's already done. Just seeing what folks think as I was shocked myself...

Each situation would be different.

Every persons needs are different

Ages of the children would be a factor.

Your given situation is too vague.

I think moving children into the house of the person you are having an affair with would be highly unfair to the children

Yes, I think finding your own place is key. Not going straight to new man's house. What would you think of this new man letting her do this anyway?

I would think that he was (a) keen (neutral on this: if he's a good man then that's good, if he's a wrong 'un with a sinister agenda, then it's bad); and (b) like their mother, lacking in judgment about the childrens' needs.

I've been vague because it is not me and I do not want to air too much on here. I just wanted to see if my opinion (ie. do not move in with new man) was the popular view (and seems it is - what a surprise!). Children are in single figures...

Nothing to do with saving the husbands feelings.

If someone has been having an affair they have only seen the best bits of the new partner and not the day to day stuff. Generally there has been snatched moments and all sorts of excitement in sneaking about that won't be there anymore. A proper relationship is totally different to an affair.

You need to see the normality of a relationship before you introduce your kids into it.

Good point 'mynameisslimshady' - very good indeed. However, I have known husband a good while...

I'm talking about it on here because I can't get my head around it myself and I keep getting told this new man is 'really nice'. He may well be, but surely he should have thought about this all first himself before shipping them in? I think this was planned ages in advance...

I would want what was best for ether children and that would not be moving into new bloke's home. In fact I wouldn't introduce new man to children for many months.

The not ether