to think that friends should take your side or is it childish?

[Laura0806]

Im not normally childish but this has really bothered me. Im 40 so not young but recently a very close friend has quite coldly droppped me as a friend. We used to do a lot together with/without a circle of mutual friends, most of whom she was quite unpleasant about at some point ( although to be fair they don't know). I was mortified as I have never had an issue with a friend before and also felt quite embarrassed ( at my age being dumped for no fathomable reason). She has continued to have parties and get togethers inviting these so called mutual friends ( who were mostly closer to me or so I thought although have become closer to her recently as she is in overdrive replacing me I guess!) which is fair enough but she does it before evenings out which means I have to go alone.These friends , whilst still friendly to me and inviting me out independently haven't shown any loyality in terms of turning down her invites occasionally, making sure i have someone to go with even though I suspect they think she may be at fault.A lot of people in other circles really dislike her but not in this closest group it seems. I understand that noone else wants friction and I don't expect them to not be pleasant to her but if this happened to a close friend of mine I would show a bit more loyalty? Maybe Im being daft but good friends mean a lot to me and this has hurt dreadfully ......

I did ask her and she said 'no problem honey' and carried on ignoring me and dropping me from things. i suspect it was a jealousy, my dd got an award at school, was moved up a year for some teaching ( I certainly didn't tell her), some things that were good happened to us as a family and she couldn't bring herself to say well done. there were no cross words, and Im usually very careful about what I say/ do. Her story is that the reverse happened, apparently I dropped her for no reason. So yes I guess people are stuck in the middle and why believe one over the other but it hurts that noone believed me but why should they. SO sorry to the lady who got caught in the middle with friend A and B , thats maybe what people are worried about happening here (it wont ever do though). trust and loyalty are improtant to me , sounds like your friends are the ones who have lost out not that its much comfort to you

Alsiequadrille, no they dont know whats shess like or what shes said about them in the past (2 in particualr) as much as Id love to tell them it makes me as bad as her so I will have to swallow it. I am starting to make other friends in new circles now as this whole thing has upset me so much. Its a shame I feel I have to but it has cuased me a lot of stress.

If she is as spiteful and selfish as she sounds your friends will inevitably come around to the same conclusion sooner or later. Just leave them to it, try to be as Zen as you can and people will come to their own conclusions.

People like this are generally trying to provoke a reaction from you -- the best way to handle it is not to react.

Textbook Wendy.

Altinkum, Im someone who is quite good at seeing their own faults, I have many( lazy disorganised etc) but I am def not nasty, nor do I bitch about others which is why Ive never had an experience like this before. In fact I mostly get 'everyone likes you, you are nice to everyone ( im probably not always but ....)Understand what you are saying though, you don't know me from adam. i have lots of other friends its just these are a group that i see at the time from school so its tricky

From what Ive read about wendy's now since reading this thread it is a textbook case, I just wish I hadn't got so upset about it and found it easier to deal with it, and step away

ANy ideas as to how you toughen up, just say hi to your wendy and walk away without feel sick and anxious everytime you turn a corner in case shes there.........

I TOTALLY get you, OP. it's horrible. And fwiw I've just backed away from someone I thought was a friend after they continued to see my Wendy, despite knowing how she treated me. I didn't argue with her, or call her on it, I just mentally noted it and then am now "busy" a lot.

There was a post on the original Wendy thread that suggested facing tricky situations with a big smile and instead of looking at their faces, focus in the upper centre of their forehead. That way you've faced them off without making eye contact.

She definitely sounds like a Wendy!

the forehead is a good idea! thanks x and, Bluesparks, I think that is exactly how I'm going to play it. I have given so much to some of those mutual friends,, looking after their children at short notice, being a listening ear , remembering every tiny thing they are going through. Looking back they probably take me forgranted and to be honest, Im not as exciting as my 'ex friend', can't be the wonderful hostess that she is and Im certainly no where near as glam. Real friends however, should look past that. I just need to perfect the forehead thing, lol