Best friend's DS - should I say anything?

[BeKindToYourKnees]

Not so much an AIBU, more WWYD?

I think that my dearest friend's DS, who has just turned 3, may be higher on the Autistic Spectrum than average and/or have SN.

I noticed when he was 18 months old that he didn't want to engage, play or make eye contact. He cannot speak yet (although his parents do seem to understand his vocal noises) and has never been seen by an HCP.

My friend has never taken him to any baby/toddler groups and last night I was caught between an argument between his Dad (who wants my friend to take him to sociable activities and his Mum (who doesn't).

I didn't know what to say

Honestly, you may well be right but be prepared for the loss of her friendship. I was in this fix, and as an SEN proff was fairly certain. I did it all how you should , care, tact, a gentle nudge etc and the friend and partner both exploded. End of friendship.

You either have ASD or you don't, people without ASD are not on the spectrum.

Why doesn't she want to take him to any toddler groups?

Please say something. I have a friend whose child I met for the first time at 18 months. I instantly noticed something wasn't right and had same suspicions as you- no eye contact at all, no words, basically no engagement.

At 2 1/2, he got a statement, a one-to-one special support teacher has been coming to him several hours a week, plus a speech therapist, and he's now about to start mainstream school, which would never have been possible without all the early intervention.

Now the parents have their second child, they say they would have realised much sooner but because he was their pfb they didn't know how different he was. The nursery gently pulled them aside, which sounds like it won't be an option in this case.

It may be difficult, and you need to find the most sensitive way to do it, but if a child had a squint and the parents were reluctant to the opticians, you wouldn't say, oh it will be picks up in school. It's hard though. Best of luck with whatever you decide, I hope if the child needs support he gets it one way or another.

Thank you for all the responses - it seems like there is 50/50 split as to whether I should say anything.

As he is meant to be starting nursery in Sept I think it's best that I keep quiet. Although the nursery have said they won't take him unless he's potty trained and as they are moving house in 10 days, I can't see that happening!

I just feel sad for him that when he does start nursery he won't be able to make friends and will have no one to play with as he rejects all attempts at anyone (apart from Mum, Dad and older sister) trying to engage with him.

I also wonder whether being so attached to his ipad has had a negative impact? There are no limits to his screen-time but at least when he does go to nursery he won't be able to take it with him.

I didn't think even private nurseries could refuse an untrained child now,as part of Ofsted/Early Years criteria. tbh it sounds as if the mum would not yet be open to suggestion that her child may have SN, if it turns out to be the case then it would be easier to hear it from someone impartial and have you there to support.

Nannyogg I suggest you look at the talking point site that Sunshine recommended. No words at three is not normal. I don't doubt there are a myriad of possible explanations for it and I don't think OP is "judging" or in anything but the most general terms trying to diagnose the problem, obviously it will require specialist input to either get the right diagnosis and help or to reassure the parents that there is no problem. Waiting lists for SALT are so long the sooner he is assessed the better. How is he going to cope in reception in 1 yr? My sister is a SALT, she starts interventions with kids referred from their 2 yr check if they have fewer than 10 recognisable words at that point.

In my experience preschools require children to be potty trained. I think they'd be on shaky ground refusing to take a child on that basis from a discrimination point of view, but if mum is reluctant to send him anyway perhaps that is a way to delay him going to pre-school?