I'm struggling to accept PIL

[Strictly1]

To try to cut a long story short my PIL were awful to me at the beginning of our relationship, refusing to attend our wedding, commenting to another family member that it wouldn't last and shouting at me for sustained periods when I refused to 'do as I was told'. As a result the relationship has always been strained. I have never stopped them seeing their GC or DS and have remained polite. However, I always feel incredibly wound up when I see them and struggle to chat to them freely. In fairness they seem to have accepted our relationship and know now that they cant get away with shouting at me! My DH is annoyed by my frostiness and feels that after so long I should just let it go and move on but I can't! AIBU?

So they made it clear that they didn't like you, and now your husband wants you to pretend that you like them?

And when they were shouting & trying to control you-what was he doing then?

Thank you zip zap. A good point!

Strictly, can I ask how the non-attendance at your wedding is / was dealt with once you were being civil to them?

I try to not mention the wedding at all as I know DH's mum wanted to come but didn't (potentially not allowed).

I'm not sure this approach will work for the next 30 odd years!

I'm certainly going to let them do their own explaining to DD and any subsequent DC as to why they're not in our wedding photos.

I have a horrible feeling I'll still feel like you do at the same point in time. :-/

Don't be pressured into pretending anything. As long as you are civil and polite, that's fine. No need to pretend to be friends with weird, unpleasant people, it just empowers them to resume their shit.

As long as you're polite and civil, and don't badmouth them in front if your DC, I think you're doing a great job.

You're family. You don't need to be friends-that's true for anybody.

This is difficult from your pov (and theirs and your husbands )

I think it is worth making an effort as children will pick up on stuff like that.

So, ask yourself, if what precisely it is that is holding you back from fully forgiving them (I'm guessing lack of formal apology is a factor) and communicate this to your husband and pil.

Also, if you haven't already it might be worth exploring the reasons why they treated you badly.

And from everything you say, you don't think they feel any differently - they just can't get away with being actively rude.

It's not bearing a grudge. I would just have no wish to be warm and fuzzy towards someone who only pretends to like me.

You are polite. If your DH wants more then he needs to enourage his parents to put right the understandable impression you have that they dislike you.

I think an apology to you is about 10 years overdue and don't think you should have to just move on. First impressions are hard to change and I don't blame you for I'll being upset or hurt. I think DH should out himself lucky that you are willing to do polite rather than just have cut them off entirely!!

MrsBri we have never mentioned their non attendance to the wedding. I refused to allow them to see the photos as I felt that they had no right and thought they would only be critical.