Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Advice please

21 replies

hope4455 · 18/08/2013 11:52

My DP is on a weekend abroad with friends. In the past he is rubbish at keeping in touch, gets drunk and does stupid things - losing phones, getting lost, falling asleep while out. I havent heard from him since yesterday morning, i have the number of the hotel. Should i phone it or just wait for him to get in touch. I have tried his phone and it is switched off.

OP posts:
pictish · 18/08/2013 11:54

Personally I'd just leave it, but then, I'm not a worry wart, and regard my dh as an adult who can sort himself out, fuck ups and all.

Coconutty · 18/08/2013 11:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

waddlecakes · 18/08/2013 11:55

It is unlikely that in a group of mates he will be coming to any harm. So do you really need to get in touch?

flossy101 · 18/08/2013 11:55

Don't ring the hotel. He is an adult.

Iamsparklyknickers · 18/08/2013 11:59

Leave it (and I say this as a born worrier myself).

He's with mates so if anything serious had happened you would have heard by now, anything else - well he's a big boy and can deal with it.

My personal strategy is to keep it to myself till a certain time - so in this case if he doesn't walk through the front door within an hour of when he's meant to I can start the phone calls.

It's really hard so you have my sympathies, but you need to train yourself out of it - realistically what could you actually do but worry more anyway?

Original poster
hope4455 · 18/08/2013 11:59

His friends will just leave him. They have before. I know i should just let him get on with it - but i worry far too much - not helped by his previous behaviour.

OP posts:
Original poster
hope4455 · 18/08/2013 12:02

Iam - this is how i feel. He flys back tomorrow and if he doesnt show up then i should start worrying. I wish i could train myself out of it i have tried and i cant.

OP posts:
pictish · 18/08/2013 12:02

Well he's not your son, and you're not his mummy.
His friends, his choice, his lookout.

ImNotABarbieGirl · 18/08/2013 12:03

Id not call the hotel, but Would maybe text one of his friends just to ask him to call you.
Do try not to worry though (I know easier said than done Wink )

maddy68 · 18/08/2013 12:05

I would leave it.
His friends WILL look after him. Even if they have left him before. If he doesn't turn up when they expect they will find him!!

He is an adult Leave it and bollock him when he gets back :)

Original poster
hope4455 · 18/08/2013 12:06

I dont have any of their numbers so i cant contact them. I will just have to try his phone again and hope he switches it on at some point.

OP posts:
Original poster
hope4455 · 18/08/2013 12:08

Maddy - shouting at him doesnt make a difference. He will still go on weekends away and still b rubbish.

OP posts:
Iamsparklyknickers · 18/08/2013 12:10

"losing phones, getting lost, falling asleep while out."

Ok all of those things by themselves aren't big deals - even if his friends have left him to it they're all survivable by yourself and more importantly they're all things you can do precisely f all about. You could cope in any of those situations - not happily maybe - but you could.

Anything more serious - well you can still do nothing and you will hear sooner rather than later about it either from his friends or the authorities.

A lot of worry is about control, but you couldn't do much if you were there and you can't do much from home, the only difference is where you're observing it from.

Have any of his friends updated FB? Can you stealth check?

SoupDragon · 18/08/2013 12:11

Is he 12?

Let him get on with it.

YouStayClassySanDiego · 18/08/2013 12:15

If you phone up and he doesn't answer you'll get even more het up and worry more.

He's an adult, not your Son , let him get on with it.

There's nothing you can do short of flying out to escort him home and are you going to do that?

Try to relax, easier said than done I know.

Original poster
hope4455 · 18/08/2013 12:20

Think the wifi must b rubbish as nothing on fb and he would normally b updating. U are all right and i have to just let him get on with it. I dont treat him as a child at home btw.

OP posts:
Coconutty · 18/08/2013 12:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheOnlyPink · 18/08/2013 13:01

If he has form for not being in contact over these weekends away I don't think you should ring the hotel, he is an adult and would be really pissed off.

personally, the lack of contact would have me climbing the walls with worry, so I do sympathize! Try and have a nice day today to take your mind off it!

KissMeHardy · 18/08/2013 13:41

If my DP went away for a weekend I wouldn't actually expect him to 'keep in touch' unless I was poorly or one of the DCs was poorly.

He's on a break - leave him be, poor fella Grin

TidyDancer · 18/08/2013 15:08

He's not away for very long, just relax and let him have fun.

Don't phone the hotel. You don't want to be that person. Just send him a text and when he turns his phone on he'll get it.

WorraLiberty · 18/08/2013 15:19

I can't make up my mind whether he's an ignorant fucker or a silly little boy.

Either way if you intend to stay with him, you need to stop Mothering him and enabling his silly behaviour, by checking up on him.

If you don't contact him, it's possible he'll be hurt by your lack of interest and learn to grow up.

Or probably maybe not...

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread