high-drama, crazy (but near-friendless) chum

[Tabbystriped]

I don't want to say enough to ID myself here, but can anyone offer advice on a difficult person who considers you her friend, but who is so emotionally draining that you are constantly angry and frustrated after time spent with her? I believe my friend has an alcohol problem, as she frequently drinks until she passes out early in the evening in her home, and her daughters and DH seem to regard this as normal. She is also on mood stabilizing meds, so for a long time I have been able to overlook a lot because I know she has some issues that cause her to act the way she does, but lately I have felt both very angry with her (she is critical and says hurtful things to me about baseless stuff, such as digs about people from the part of the country where I am from, etc., often in front of her DH and children, who say nothing), and also guilty because I know I am one of her only friends, yet I do frequently turn down invites to coffee or dinner at her house because I just can't stomach her behaviour. (she has lately begun criticizing me for being "aloof" and avoiding her, so I know this hurts her). I do feel sorry for her, but right now, after another such evening, I am fuming. It is impossible to respond to her criticism onslaughts because she is so emotional and, well, crazy sometimes. My DH calls her "the vampire".

And we are colleagues, so honestly I know it would be hard to cut ties with her. I know she has a lot of emotional problems, but I am SO FRUSTRATED and honestly want to take a short holiday from work just to get a break from her.

I am non-confrontational to a fault, I know. I hate causing drama, and looking at this, I'm honestly not sure there is a solution. If anyone has any suggestions for dealing with high-drama, unstable emotional vampires, please share.

Is it bad that I keep hoping her doctor will adjust her mood stabilizer meds and "fix" her?

My only advice is to still see her but occasionally and on your own terms. I have a friend whose company I enjoy greatly for 2-3 hours once every few months; more than that and her habit of describing in great detail all the ways everyone else in her life has done her wrong (which is never ever her fault, naturally) would drive me bonkers.

Just gradually stretch out the time between meet-ups until it's become customary that they're only occasional. Maybe you could develop a new time-consuming hobby, or start an OU course, that means you can't see her as often?!

I was going to say you should tell her the truth when she next says about you being aloof, but if you've got to work together that might create an atmosphere.

If you decide not to say anything, I would just leave it as it is because her noticing you're aloof just shows how much you've drawn back from her already.

Don't do anything more than seeing her at work, turn down any invites etc, and brush off any comments she might make. You don't care for her or her opinions so what's does it matter what shit she spouts?

Her lack of friends aren't your responsibility, it's sad she's driven people away from her and could be argued it's crap to ditch her when she's in a such a state, but you can't keep this up if she's making you so angry and frustrated.