Am I going mad - or is she completely out of order?

[Datingagain]

So, yesterday, DS's 4th birthday.

His Dad (ExDP) and I are separated, but maintain a reasonable relationship for DS's sake. For info, he treated me pretty badly whilst we were together - dumped me when pregnant, then cheated on me on and off for the first two years of DS's life. When I found this out, I left.

Anyway, my relationship with ExDP's Mum (ExMIL) has always been rocky. She almost has a fixation with ExDP, thinking he is literally the best man in the world. I was - and never would have been - good enough for him. The first thing she said on finding out I was preys by was: "Well for goodness sake, don't marry her, then you'll REALLY be trapped." We had been together for 5 years by that point.

But over the last two years, I have tried to keep things civil and promote DS having a relationship with her and her extended family. It's always been a one way street, but I try. So a months so, I had invited her, and her DH and Ex SIL etc to DS's birthday party. They all replied saying they weren't sure, as they were busy - but would let me know nearer the time. Fine. Ex SIL and others did decline invite (on Thurs) but by Thurs night, ExMIL still hadn't been in touch. I mentioned this to ExDP, who said yes she was coming.

So I then texted her, saying great that she was coming - and reminding her it started at 2.30pm.

So yesterday arrived, and they turned up at 1pm. I was just out of the shower and obvs not best pleased to see them. I said something like "Oh you're v early" and she launched into a very personal attack on me, bringing up all sorts of things.

She brought nothing for the party - not even a present for her GS and hadn't even asked if she could contribute / do anything. I ended up I tears (was feeling v unwell anyway and had been up since 6am baking cakes) and she pretty much spoilt everything. She ended up saying "It doesn't matter what you think, I know I'm right she you're wrong and that's all that matters."

Also, as an aside, DS starts school this year, and she has neither asked a single question about which school he's going to (I have nearly killed myself working to ensure we lived in the correct catchment etc) or if he needs anything (am not grabby - but wouldn't this be normal?!)

Anyway, yet again I am left feeling awful. Who is right? Am I crazy - or is she? And what the hell do I do now? Ignore her? Cut her out? And how do I stop going over and over it in my head? It's driving me mad. Thanks for reading x

Why on earth would you help ex to move house, even if you weren't away?

She sounds vile.

Hope you're feeling better soon.

Yes, you don't have to cut her off, but let her make the effort to keep up and maintain contact instead.

No reason for you to have anything more to do personally with this woman. If your Ex wants to take your DS to see her that's up to him. But don't bother seeing her yourself as she obviously upsets you with her behaviour and who wouldn't be upset. Can't believe she didn't bring a present or offer to help when she arrived early.

FFS
Icing on the bloody cake - I've just heard from my Dad, that ExMIL cornered him at the party yesterday afternoon, and basically accused me of "bleeding her son dry" (financially)

After paying maintenance for his son, which he does, to his credit - without fail - and admittedly a bit more than he is obliged to, he is left with around £2,800 NET PCM.

He is on his own, no OH, no further kids, no debts, amazing job, lives in small flat, but apparently cannot possibly live on this paltry amount per month.

He has no money left over for holidays, "niceties" etc - because he's "basically paying my mortgage" (not true)

I am so tempted to phone her up...

I wouldn't phone her but I'd just avoid her like the plague and advise your family to do the same!

I'd have booted her straight out yesterday for making a scene too.

You are right about treating people kindly in the belief that they will do the same to you but (and this is a very big but) if you treat them kindly and in return they treat you badly, it is fine to kindly and calmly walk away. You owe her nothing.

You and your ex have split up. It's great that you are amicable about parenting your son but that's it - you have split up.

So why should you have any contact with the rest of his family, why should your DF have to speak to the exMIL? Oddly by trying to be so amicable you are making it worse by allowing the evil witch of exMIL to think that she gets to comment on how you parent, organize your time etc.

Don't phone her up now or EVER AGAIN!

Your exP is responsible for her relationship with her GCs - he can facilitate it in his own time.

You've more than gone the extra mile.

Sod her now. No more invites or attempting to get her involved.

If your child's father wants to maintain the relationship between her & your child, then leave it to him.

Clearly, her life is perfect so she can afford to sit in that high horse eh op

She has been very hurtful to you, but now you need t put a ring of steel around you & ignore her & not bother with her.

I think you could let this go, to be honest. She's no longer your MIL and her contact with your son should be through her son. I don't really think it's a kindness to anybody blurring the situation like this and it's clear your ex MIL doesn't have the maturity or warmth to cope. You're lovely to try it but there's only so much you have to do in life.

Well she certainly made sure she did her best to spoil the whole day for you and your Dad.

The urge to phone her would be overwhelming but she'd love it wouldn't she so don't.

She's nasty, leave her to soak in her bitterness.

she sounds a bit unhinged to me. Keep away from her she will be the loser in the end

Op she has used the opportunity of the party to vent a grievance which she is stewing about. You may hear something else from some one else by the sounds of it!

She obviously would rather that you had not happened in her sons life, sorry but probably true.

I would definitely address this with your ex to ask where she got this idea from, has he said something to that effect or is this her assumption. If it starts to get ridiculous just drop it. She's not worth getting upset over again.

She sounds horrendous. Definitely avoid her at all costs in future.

One question- does exDH know his DM is blabbing about his personal finances to other people? I can't imagine he would be very pleased.

I hope your Dad stood up for you and DS.

My ex's parents were similar and thought that as the sun shines out of ex's arse, he could do no wrong - they had excuse after excuse as to why ex didn't want to see DS or why he 'couldn't afford' to pay maintenance etc. They ruined DS's 1st birthday party which I invited them to, god knows why I invited them but I did. Even my friends were shocked by their behaviour and comments at the party. I decided there and then that I would never again chase them to be involved with DS - I felt if they wanted to see him, they could contact me for once. Six years on and they never have. It's a blessed relief, tbh. Cut contact now - if your ex sees DS, it's his responsibility to ensure his parents see their GC, not yours.