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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be worried about my/our future

13 replies

TeapotsInJune · 17/08/2013 09:03

I am 33 next month with a 2 year old daughter. I am no longer with her dad and he went back to his native New Zealand. I have no family to speak of - am in touch with my dad but only rarely. My mum is dead.

I have a lot of friends but they are all married or in committed relationship ships. Most have young children. I do see quite a lot of them in fact, but even so there are long stretches where it's me and my daughter. I love this but I do worry about the future.

Everyone insists I will.meet someone, but how? Hmm Every man I meet is married. Online dating proved a nightmare. It isn't the end of the world but I just worry about the future. DD is happy, , with parks and ice creams. But what about when she's 13, 16, 18? I have barely any money, can't give her grandparents, siblings or much of anything. I look forward.to my retirement (ha!) and it just seems unbearably bleak.

How can I change it? Hmm

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 17/08/2013 09:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
TeapotsInJune · 17/08/2013 09:10

Yes but have never met anyone single (not that being in a relationship seems to stop half of them!) I tried a couple of sites to be honest but I really don't like OD.

OP posts:
Ragwort · 17/08/2013 09:11

How much of a 'comunitiy' is there where you live? We have always been involved with our local community - whether it is a carnival day, coffee morning, jumble sale, street party, whatever (today there is a local 'fun day' - even though it is pouring with rain Grin), I always make myself go to these sorts of things and inevitably you meet people, get roped into the committee etc etc. We have moved quite a lot and that's always the way we have made friends. Are you a church goer, that is another great way to get involved but I know it doesn't suit everyone.

Eyesunderarock · 17/08/2013 09:12

What do you think a partner will add to your lives? Are you looking for a lover, a life partner or a security blanket?
Your DD is happy and you are committed to her, so what do you think will change when she's a teenager?

prettybutclumpy · 17/08/2013 09:13

Hi Teapots. I know things may seem bleak just now, but I'm sure things will change for you, as they always seem to! What about getting out one night a week just for yourself - it sounds like you have friends who could come over after their kids are in bed on a rota to watch your DD? Evening class, exercise class, a choir (thoroughly recommended!). This would give you something outside your wee family to focus on, and who knows you may meet someone there. Best of luck.

Original poster
TeapotsInJune · 17/08/2013 09:24

EYES, for a relationship I suppose. At the moment ny life revolves around DD. She is the only thing who brings me happiness really! But I'm also aware that she will want to.lead her own life and I need to be ready for that day.

I don't matter to anyone (bar DD) at the moment and that can be hard.

OP posts:
PeriodFeatures · 17/08/2013 09:28

Huge hugs to you teapot. I know it's a cliche but it's sometimes better not to be actively looking for a partner. Sometimes someone will appear when you least expect it.

Do you have friends in similar positions? I know it sounds a bit strange but if you can change your perspective to one which sees the strengths and freedoms of your situation it will help.

I have this view that you and your DD may be able to have some adventures together, just the two of you. How about saving for a holiday or something like that. Focus on the two of you. You will meet someone eventually, classes and stuff sound like a great idea too.

Original poster
TeapotsInJune · 17/08/2013 10:06

Thanks period - this is just it though! Everyone says you will meet someone eventually but I can't fathom how! Don't ever meet any single men at all - my ex I met at 28 and had never had a relationship before him!

OP posts:
StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 17/08/2013 10:17

why not concentrate on making your single life as happy and fulfilled as you can, try local groups and activities and make yourself some new friends, try new hobbies, I assume you work? see if anyone from work wants to get together for coffee, yoga, evening class etc. (assuming you could find / afford childcare of course) the partner will happen when you least expect it and are not looking and will be attracted by an interesting, fun and confident, fulfilled woman. enjoy life.

waltzingmathilda · 17/08/2013 10:20

Something like 70% of relationships start at work.

You tend to know the people well, have something in common. Makes sense to me.

Punkatheart · 17/08/2013 10:30

I do understand, teapot. I feel for you but really try and relax a little bit. No good relationships are made when you are so angsty. I am far older than you, have cancer and I am now a single mum. But I have to try to be calm. Stepaway has a good policy there - you need to be happy in your own skin before anyone else comes into your life. Also, having a man does not necessarily indicate a future. YOU are your daughter's future. Trust me.

Original poster
TeapotsInJune · 17/08/2013 10:43

I am happy and honestly I have a lot.of friends. I just can't seem to meet anyone! No singles at work Sad

So sorry about the cancer xx

OP posts:
PeriodFeatures · 17/08/2013 11:45

'Follow your excitement'

That ^ is the only way to determine where you are supposed to be, who you are supposed to be with etc.

Excitement is an internal compass. If something gives you the feeling that you would 'love' to do that/go there/try that job... do it. Find a way and do it. Once you can live like that and recognise what is pulling you you will get exactly the life you need.

If you want any tips on how to start this off let me know.

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