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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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11 replies

iloveny001 · 16/08/2013 23:03

Longstanding friend who was given some inheritance money which was used to pay for a years rent on flat upfront. He does not have a job, is on JSA, but has always been disorganised with paperwork, and has only just started to talk to council about housing benefit. The problem is that the rent runs out this weekend, he has no where to go and a flats worth of belongings to store. By his account the council aren't being particularly helpful and he will be homeless by Monday. I have no room for his property here but have offered to pay for a man with van to get his stuff to others who have offered to store things. I live quite a distance from him so is impractical for him to stay with me, plus I only live in a single room in shared house, and he wants to stay in the area of London he is currently in. He can probably sofa surf for a while but I am very worried about his future and not sure how I can best help. This is not the first time that he has needed bailing out, and as much as others are saying its not my problem I find it hard not to try and help.

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iloveny001 · 16/08/2013 23:05

Completely forgot to add a title, sorry! I guess its along the lines of 'aibu to not know how to help this friend'

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AgentZigzag · 16/08/2013 23:08

I can understand why he doesn't get his act together if other people step in and solve his problems.

Why would he?

Nobody wants to sort housing benefit or moving, but you don't have a choice if you're getting booted out.

Has he put (even subtle) pressure on you to help?

How did you find out he's in this shit?

I would probably help with a couple of things, but not sort it for him.

WorraLiberty · 16/08/2013 23:10

If he's on JSA the jobcentre will point him in the right direction and tell him how to go about declaring himself homeless.

iloveny001 · 16/08/2013 23:13

He told me that this was coming about 2 months ago, and that he was worried, but obviously not enough to start sorting things out.

He just doesn't seem to think things through, only asking for friends hello over last weekend after a nudge from me, and today I had to remind him that just because people have said 'yes I can store things' he needs to arrange when to drop it off to them. Of course most of these people are now away for the weekend so not sure what he is going to do with it all until they get back.

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iloveny001 · 16/08/2013 23:14

Asking for help, not hello!

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AgentZigzag · 16/08/2013 23:46

What would happen if you didn't do anything?

It must be pretty bad really, like watching a crash in slow motion and feeling guilty.

But you're not responsible for his living arrangements.

Does he rely on you/friends for other things?

iloveny001 · 16/08/2013 23:53

Not too often, but this is the worst situation he has been in. I have paid various odd bills before when he 'forgot' to pay for garage rent. The locks had been changed and as some of my stuff was in there I felt it was the quickest and easiest way to get it back again.
It is like watching someone on self destruct, and that does make it hard to step back but I know he does have to step up.
One friend went to move some boxes for him earlier this week and he hadn't packed anything! He is a complete head in sand guy, but as infuriating as he is, he is lovely in so many other ways.

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AgentZigzag · 17/08/2013 00:01

You do put up with things you're not keen on when you like the other person.

I suppose it comes down to whether you feel he's taking the piss or not, and the fact you've posted might suggest you do a bit?

Doing it on purpose to manipulate people into sorting it for him, even if he doesn't realise he's doing it, would be pretty bad.

Maybe the vulnerable in him brings something out in you Grin

iloveny001 · 17/08/2013 00:05

I think its more exasperation rather than exploration I feel!

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iloveny001 · 17/08/2013 00:06

What is wrong with my spelling?! Exploitation.

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iloveny001 · 17/08/2013 00:07

I will also mention to him to tell the JSA office of his situation, am not sure he will have done so.

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