am I doing Parenting wrong?

[Reality]

My sister phoned me earlier to say, oooh only a week left before you start your new job, are you terrified about leaving DS2 with the Childminder?

I'm really not. He's nearly two. My CM is a good friend of mine. I have no worries at all.

Dsis said, 'but she'll do things differently to you, doesn't that bother you? Arent' you worried his routine will change and she might not do the same things as you?'

No. Should I be? I was a CM until now, by the way, and looked after Dsis's girls. She phoned me twice a day every day and micro managed EVERYTHING from nap times to meals.

She is adamant that most people are more like her than me and that frankly I'm a bit odd and lax for not freaking out about leaving him.

AIBU to not fret? Will it hit me later do you think? I've tried to muster up some anxiety over it but I'm too concerned with what to wear on my first day and whether I'll be any good at my job. Perhaps I'm doing parenting all wrong.

Of course yanbu. We've all seen the threads about your dsis and confirm she is the loony, not you!!

Of course YANBU - your sister is a control freak.

Good luck in your new job!

Thanks

I know she is a control freak, and she knows it too. But crikey she made me feel ever so lax and uncaring.

Definitely Yanbu. My dds went to a wonderful childminder. I have no idea what time she fed them or gave them a nap. They were happy and loved going...I didn't give a flying Jeff about the rest of it.

No, YANBU! Especially as a former CM yourself, you know very well that kids can be happy and very well looked after with someone other than their mother. And I agree with the others, after reading a few threads about your sister, I'd suggest she's the one who's got the wrong attitude to parenthood not you.

I'm with OP. When I went back to work ds1, 6 months old, was with dh. On my first day, a woman I hardly knew said to me, "How many times have you phoned home, then?" I looked at her blankly - I had no idea what she was talking about at first. When I realised, I said, "Oh, none, yet." She looked at me like I was a freak and walked off. It actually made me feel bad but, really, I trusted dh and felt it would undermine him if I kept ringing every 5 minutes. And, if I had rung and heard crying, what could I have done? Besides, I'm a teacher, so ringing opportunities are limited. Silly woman.

I left DD with a CM just before she turned 3, same time as she went to nursery each morning.
I didn't think to call or question them, I wouldn't have left her if I didn't trust them.

YANBU. She is the one who will end up with an ulcer through worrying too much, not you. She is the one whos kids will be stressed and worried they will disappoint, not you.

Nah, I wouldn't worry. She is probably going on about it because she feels silly for being the complete opposite to you.
So what are you planning on wearing ?

YADNBU. You are lucky, the childminder is your friend, you trust her. I trust DD's nursery implicitly. I sometimes get to the end of the day and realise she hasn't crossed my mind once. They do things differently from me, but so what? She is 2, she gets that it happens one way at nursery and another at home. And I get to surf Internet, trawl the shops and have lunch in peace

YANBU

Is he going to be safe? Happy? Generally well cared for? Then who gives a shit if your CM does things slightly different to you?!

I was worried about leaving 2.5 YO DD2 when I was looking at getting a full time job, just going from nothing to full time I thought might be unsettling for her (and me).

But six months later when she started nursery in the mornings I didn't think that much of it, I trusted the people she was with and knew they'd do all the messy stuff loads of new things she'd enjoy.

Loads of people are stuck in the idea that everyone thinks just like they do, and if they don't they're freaks.

Just ignore the freak ()

Just out of interest, do you think there might be any problems having a friend as your CM?

You being a CM yourself you'll know what to expect and what's feasible, what if you don't like something she does, will the friendship allow for the change to a business transaction?

Haha!

With DS1, I worried about his routine when he started nursery.

I remember taking DS2 in a couple of months before he started and one of the staff asked if he was a good napper. I laughed and said 'No, I'm leaving that for you lot to sort out!' And they did, way better than I had.

I practically threw DD out of the car window at the nursery and sang all the way to work on my first day if that helps?

Good grief no. I remember handing ds over to the cm at 6 months and thinking "at last he's with someone who knows what they're doing"

Not at all! I'm going back 10th September after baby number 3 (I worked in between each baby), and might phone on my first day back. I'll probably be enjoying the adult conversation and intellectual stimulation too much to remember though...

She's a CM colleague who has become a friend, and I have ended up being friends with most of my parents, and have CMed for several friends without any issues.

So I'm not worried about the friend/client overlap.

PLus she's much more organised and together than me so she'll do a better job than I do....

YANBU I dont worry about leaving mine. DH and I went on a weekend away from our children (5 of them between 8 and 1) recently and everyone made a big fuss over how I would be worried and wanting to call home all the time. I really wasnt they were with MIL and SIL havign a great time!

DC like a bit of a disorganization sometimes, although I'm sure that's not the case.

YADNBU. Good for you for being a relaxed mum OP. Good luck in your new job.

Don't be daft you muppet. HTH.

Love you long time.

Occasionally missing the wee blighters is normal.

Obsessing over everything that may or may not be happening is bonkers as Conkers.